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Notes -
Yes, I notice this with both trans women and trans men. In the normal course of development, you're socialised into your own sex and you learn a whole array of tools for how to be an adult man or an adult women. Trans people, even if they pass very well as their preferred gender, usually don't have all those tools. It's one of the reasons why they often look a bit uncanny-valley-esque, or can make natal members of that sex uncomfortable.
In the case of the person in that video, I think part of the issue is not knowing how men make friends, or how we express close, deep friendship. We don't do it the same way women do. There's a seemingly-endless genre of observational humour about how men and women have different languages for this sort of thing, and while the jokes are silly, they get at something real. Trans women have the reverse issue - they don't know the script for how to behave in female spaces. Thus that joke about how if a trans man is devastated, he hides and cries in the bathroom, and if a trans woman is devastated, she kicks a hole in the wall.
Anyway, resilience is definitely part of it. As a young man you learn things from your father, other older male relatives, role models, and so on, and one of them is how to suck it up when times are tough. When you've been a man your entire life, you probably don't realise how many things like that you do know. And the same for women in reverse.
I'd push back slightly here in saying that I've met trans women who are very much more on the "cries and hides in the bathroom" side of the fence, along with other behaviors that are often seen as exclusively female, like reading romance novels, preferring feelings-talk over camaraderie-talk, disliking playful trash talk, etc. I also know men like that without desire for gender transition as well. I think this is a stereotype of millennial men for a reason.
My native social orientation is more in the middle than something that falls into strict gender alignment. There are things about me that are clearly masculine and things that are questionably feminine. I have a penchant for making friends with people who 'fall through the cracks,' because often I find they're more raw, and you can get more depth out of them than people who follow the practiced scripts handed by socialization. I like people who are raw, a little unpracticed, real, authentic.
A concern I have about the trans movement is I worry that people with a less rigidly-gendered personality, but without gender dysphoria, are being handed a pathway that would purportedly connect them to other people who share their feelings of alienation but also comes with serious risks and drawbacks. The thing I would note is that a lot of transgender people just seem congenitally lonely, though of course the argument across the political spectrum is going to be that this is a chicken-and-the-egg problem -- are they lonely because of bigotry, or lonely because they always had things about themselves that didn't 'fit', which their transition never alleviated?
I did say it was a joke. If nothing else, I've never kicked a hole in a wall - I'm more likely to find somewhere quiet and put my head in my hands. Like most jokes, I think it exaggerates a real point for effect, that trans people often still have some of the 'scripting' of their birth sex.
Sometimes they do overcompensate by trying too hard to adopt the 'culture' of their preferred sex? Anecdotally I think I see this more with trans women, but for all I know there are trans men who try really hard to lean into a macho concept of masculinity.
I agree with the observation that trans people tend to be lonely, at least judging from those that I've known. It seems plausible to me that people who are already lonely for non-gender-related reasons are likely to be more willing to consider radical changes to their lives. If you're lonely and sad by default, you may feel you have less to lose and be more willing to consider transitioning, and there's the possibility of the kind of love-bombing coffee_enjoyer describes.
There was actually a wellness Wednesday thread a long time ago, before the site move and maybe even before the split from SSC, where someone gave the advice to a depressed poster that if you’re dissatisfied enough with your life that you’re severely depressed, you should try It seems plausible to me that people who are already lonely for non-gender-related reasons are likely to be more willing to consider radical changes to their lives. change in your life before giving up on it. That post was actually one of the catalysts that led me to re-evaluate my relationship to faith, so I credit it positively. So I think the impulse to go, “let’s try something boldly new” isn’t terrible, even if we can raise an eyebrow at various ways in which people might try to do that.
But I’m also not a very radical dude, so “consider radical life change” apparently meant something like “maybe you should go to church.” The wildest and most unhinged thing I’ve ever done was drive to Indiana.
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