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PaperclipPerfector  1d ago (text post)   1812 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for February 8, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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It seems plausible to me that people who are already lonely for non-gender-related reasons are likely to be more willing to consider radical changes to their lives.

There was actually a wellness Wednesday thread a long time ago, before the site move and maybe even before the split from SSC, where someone gave the advice to a depressed poster that if you’re dissatisfied enough with your life that you’re severely depressed, you should try radically changing your life before giving up on it. That post was actually one of the catalysts that led me to re-evaluate my relationship to faith, so I credit it positively. So I think the impulse to go, “let’s try something boldly new” isn’t terrible, even if we can raise an eyebrow at various ways in which people might try to do that.

But I’m also not a very radical dude, so “consider radical life change” apparently meant something like “maybe you should go to church.” The wildest and most unhinged thing I’ve ever done was drive to Indiana.

Without wanting to get too biographical, I've received suggestions like that before as well.

Fortunately a principle that's been helpful for me is to never make major decisions while in a state of despair, depression, or self-loathing. I remember advice I received once from a friend who'd been in the military - as much as possible, make decisions from a position of strength, not weakness.

One last heuristic I use when taking advice from another people is to ask myself, "Does this person want me to be strong?" There's a bit of unpacking to do there around what 'strong' means, but the point of the question is to look at whether this person is generally trying to move me in the direction of being collected, confident, at peace, empowered, etc., or whether they're trying to move me in the direction of being anxious, neurotic, dependent on others, etc.

It's not necessarily a red flag if someone encourages me to face a dark feeling, since vulnerability is something we all need to face sometimes. But the direction matters, and if someone is trying to make that vulnerability pathological, that is probably a sign that they're not going to make me stronger or happier.

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