Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
- 97
- 1
PaperclipPerfector
3mo ago
(text post)
2188 thread views
Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
I mean, Redpill is very right about how you actually build attraction in a woman.
If you literally just approach a girl in your friend group and express interest then yeah you can expect to be rebuffed.
For reference my first GF was a girl I'd known since freshman year of high school. We finally became a thing Senior year when we were both at an out-of-town academic competition thing. It just so happened that I ended up DOMINATING the competition (in my category) and I was riding that high.
So as things went I ended up making out with her in the hot tub of the hotel, then headed up to her hotel room. Didn't bang her at that point alas.
Wasn't clear until later that it was my performance at the competition and the thrill of being in a new town that finally piqued her interest in me.
I still have extreme fond regard for that girl. Sadly she is dead now.
More to the point, most of my best friends from college, and several of my current buddies, all have relationships (up to and including marriages with kids) with girls they had known for a while, either in college, from work, or through mutual friends.
Its the safest filtering mechanism I can imagine.
The apps, by comparison, are just an ongoing humiliation ritual.
That took a turn. What happened?
Phew.
We broke up first semester of college.
I didn't take that well, but eventually got over it, and made some efforts to reconcile. We were back in contact and generally on good terms by Junior year.
Then, Senior year, her boyfriend was teaching her to ride a motorcycle (sans helmet) and she lost control and slammed into a stairwell, spent a little bit of time braid-dead in ICU before the plug was pulled.
I sometimes think about that guy and have to assume he's got even more trauma from it than I do. And I was fucked up about it for almost a year and a half.
The indelible mark it left on my personality is that I refuse to leave any relationship I actually care about on a bad note. Even if we had a knockdown drag out argument, I will come back around to make sure the last words we exchanged were in some way positive.
Like, the horror of thinking that the last interaction I had with someone might have been negative and painful... and then they unexpectedly DIE leaving that as the last remaining memory of the friendship, it would kill me. I cherish the memories I have of that girl and I'm so glad that I did in fact attempt to patch things up.
Even though I now know that many people don't really care that much, and I'm just like twice as empathetic as the average person... I still think its the right way to go through life.
God, that is awful. I once knew a woman who was a nurse in a rehabilitation hospital, and about 90% of her patients were either motorcycle or horse-riding accidents. I'll never ride a motorcycle. I even worked with a guy who was in a pretty serious motorcycle accident and nearly lost a leg, and he still rides motorcycles to this day. Like, dude, how many hints do you need?
This girl had intentions of being an EMT (she was pre-med in high school, just as I was pre-law).
On net, her premature death may mean more people have died than otherwise would have had she been there to help them.
And yeah, donorcycles are terrifying in an existential way. Careening down a highway at 70+ mph with only a thin layer of leather and (if you're not dumb) an armored helmet all you have to protect you from the 10 ton metal boxes that are ALSO zooming around at 70 mph.
Because I intend to live a long time you will never catch me on a motorcycle.
"UNFORTUNATELY" girls tend to be attracted to risk-takers/bad boys, so I've also pointed out that Motorcycles and Tattoos are indeed a cheat code for getting a woman attracted to you.
But my rational brain simply cannot accept that tradeoff.
"Nontrivial chance of death, dismemberment, or permanent disfigurement/paralysis... vs. a +2 modifier to my charisma and +50% modifier to seduction any time I flirt with a girl with a tongue piercing and 3 STIs."
Its BECAUSE these things signal bad decision making (well, call it 'lack of fear') that women hone in on them when they're in a certain kind of way.
And it must work because no matter how often these guys manage to remove themselves from the gene pool, their DNA persists.
That said, some of the most ardent bikers are know are single and have no kids (or grown children) so it really is their life to lose. And seem to have a fatalistic acceptance of the risk.
Thank Christ I don't need to add several thousand micromorts to my lifestyle just to get laid.
I've wondered about REALLY cheating, Get some convincing fake tattoos, ride a motorcycle but ONLY on safe, low speed roads, swig water from a flask, go gambling but only use optimal betting strategy... etc.
Just mimic every single "bad boy" signal without the element that makes them actually dangerous.
But if you're shooting for a long-lasting relationship, probably not good to found it upon a lie. Unless you're willing to then become that guy as the relationship progresses, at which point just go all in at the start.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
I think that’s fair — the instigating “this person is impressive” feeling can be after you’re already aware of someone, but not close with them. Looking back, I don’t recall any flirtations like that, so I guess that’s my blind spot.
That said, I think my point is a little more subtle; I suspect that with many of your friends in those relationships, there was some initial level of spark or interest or “this guy is attractive/high status” even before the flirting started. I’m not a mind reader, and I could be dead wrong.
If you naively look at my dating history, you’d probably say the same about mine — in all cases I knew the person for at least a bit before we started dating. But, in hindsight, it was clear that attraction existed from the beginning. It’s possible that some level of “getting to know you” was necessary — just not nearly as much as I let play out, either because I was scared or because I was ignorant.
I’m mostly picking on myself here, as my experience is that I often didn’t act on my romantic interest after signals of mutual attraction were present, either because I couldn’t read them, or felt like I hadn’t ‘earned’ any kind of attraction by doing something bold.
But what you definitely can’t do is be unimpressive, boring, standard, and ‘merely nice’, and expect any attraction to develop. Most guys who are of the “get to know someone for a bit before you express romantic interest” perspective are of that type, and often naively believe that their presence or emotional availability expresses their romantic potential. It doesn’t.
That’s my main point: impression has to come before relation.
Dating apps are definitely an unfortunate means of meeting someone, because a photo reel and a short bio does not a person make. Nevertheless some people find a great partner there, I just honestly never tried because I believed they were just hookup apps, and by the time I realized people were meeting their spouses on there I was already in a happy LTR by the grace of almighty God. Maybe telling a room full of atheists that the US is a Christian nation was a meritorious act, I don’t know.
Yes!
In some cases they were initially ignored or rejected. Usually they were able to do something that marked them as highly skilled or high status within the social context they knew each other.
That's actually helpful. Rather than competing against every other theoretical male out there, you just have to be near the top of the local hierarchy in whichever subculture you identify with.
Unless you're so passively charismatic that people gravitate to you on personality alone.
I've known some guys who were simply 'unimpressive' on paper but have such good 'rizz' off the cuff that for anyone present in that room with them, they manage to read as high status and talented.
So with a few repeated exposures they can be successful with women. Saul Goodman uses this tactic in his spinoff series.
But I notice they also tend to maintain short, superficial relationships with others.
I dunno. You have to account for how certain types of dude (drug dealers, hippie spiritualists, amateur DJs) manage to snag decently attractive women despite overall being social outcasts.
The problem is they try to be both. The people who are interested in hookups are mixed in with the ones who are more serious and there's some incentive to lie and obsfuscate.
Part of the issue is that the apps take no responsibility for (lack of) filtering your matches for people who are truly interested in relationship vs. those who are idly swiping or just want a hookup. They don't even try.
And they don't give YOU the tools to effectively filter. Its a laughable abdication of responsibility.
They want their algo to control who you meet/encounter but accept no blame if those choices are not actually good matches.
Yeah! That's a big advantage. It's also, like you said, a better matching mechanism: if you're both in the same subculture, committed to the same thing, have shared interests/passions/ideals... well, it's likely that your personalities are going to be more similar and compatible than a random person you'd grab out of a bag.
When my girlfriend talks about meeting me, she says what impressed her wasn't just that I said something controversial, but that I thought independently, resisted going along to get along, and did things my own way even if people disagreed. Those are all personality traits that she admires and wants to live up to. We also both like historical debates. That's something different than intimidation or game, that's social alignment: being high-status in a particular way a particular woman wants to be like. The spark of love is that someone can look at you and say, "being close to this person will bring me toward something I want to move toward." That's fire.
I don't think spouses have to have all the same interests in common (though I don't think it's a bad thing), but you do have to have that certain je ne sais quoi that makes you personally compatible in values and orientation towards life. I think about the strongest relationships I've had, and in those we forged new interests that became "things we do together," and it meant that we enriched each others' lives with new things and grew together.
Yeah - both men and women hate this outcome. I believe the growth in places like Bumble and... wasn't there a new one? Hinge? was driven by the reputation of Tinder as "the hookup app," which it never really could shake, and now of course those apps will be busy building their own reputations for seediness.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link