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Oddly, I think that the latter has caused me to indulge at periods of my life in the Polyamory so widely considered a scourge of the former.
It feels so difficult to have a close friendship, someone who will actually care about or listen to my emotions reliably. Someone who will answer the phone when I need someone to talk to. Someone who will be there for me through thick and thin. Who will listen when I need someone to whine to. Who cares about what's going on in my life. Someone to talk to. Someone enjoys my attention so much they'll go to a pretentious play with me just to hang out.
I can't seem to find a male friend to do these things. I suppose maybe I should have joined the military, or failing that a criminal gang, you need stakes like that to get a lifelong friend. Lacking that, sex seems to be the only tie that binds. I've had on-and-off lovers remain close for a decade, who would answer my call and I'd answer theirs.
And sometimes I think I cling to those lovers because it's a reliable source of emotionally close friendship. I make love to women because I'm too cheap to go to therapy.
I’ve also struggled with the same thing, a condition worsened by the fact that many friends of mine have been chronic social procrastinators and highly unreliable in planning things to do. You talk about not being able to get people on the phone, but often even when I try, I can’t even get people to text me back within three days. You can’t build a social life on that.
Hell, I met a guy in a college class that I got along with rather well, despite his off-colour humor. I asked him if he’d want to do something outside of class and he looked at me like I’d suggested he should dance naked in the college fountain, saying “no, I don’t go out after I get home from class.” He seemed to like me a great deal, but apparently socialization was beyond the pale.
Not being jovial friar, I wouldn’t say that I’ve built emotional rapport with many lovers, but the strongest connections in my life have generally been women I’ve dated. If they like you, they’ll actually text you back.
Zoomers are cooked.
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I honestly think it just takes consistently going out and doing things with someone. Ive had a best friend for 8 years now. I cant imagine my life without him, we met in college. I just asked him if we wanted to see a movie. Im mid 20s, i dont know how old you are, but thats what got me started.
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