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Culture War Roundup for the week of March 30, 2026

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Here's a few related concepts:

  1. Sturdy belief that you can accomplish what you're currently doing
  2. General belief in yourself as a competent, valid, effective person
  3. Being unconcerned with the idea that you might fail your current task
  4. Generally being chill and non-anxious
  5. Ability to project "this is the thing we're doing"
  6. (5), but automatically and unselfconsciously

All of these could reasonably be called "confidence". I'm not staking any kind of linguistic claim, where the thing I'm pointing at is definitionally some distinct thing from confidence.

The distinction I'm making is this. Informal uses of "confidence" (particularly in the context of male dating advice) are a blend of 1-4, maybe with a sprinkle of 5 and 6. It's usually an internal thing. A lot of "just be confident!" advice is about being comfortable with yourself and accepting outcomes -- it's not about controlling the Narrative.

For example: a manservant might be very confident in their role (i.e. they feel non-anxious, they're competent and know it, they're unflappable in the face of failure) -- but they wouldn't generally be someone who projects "this is the thing we're doing".

You've never met a really good manservant then!

I mean I'm not @grandburdensomecount or @2rafa I don't have a valet. But I've definitely interacted with people in service roles who gave off that "this is what we're doing" vibe. Barbers and waiters come to mind. Mechanics as well.

A really confident barber tells you what you want to do with your hair, informs you that this is how we do things in this shop. Yes you want to trim your eyebrows let me do that quick. No you can't cut your hair that way it will look gay. Now sit back while I do the massage with the vibrating glove from 1950.

There's a whole trope older than dirt of the strong willed servant who dominates his weak master, by his sheer frame.

There's a whole trope older than dirt of the strong willed servant who dominates his weak master, by his sheer frame.

PG Wodehouse wrote of this.

I get it, thanks for clarifying.