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Notes -
I would like to push back against the idea that the problem is with Women specifically.
If "Toxic Masculinity" is something like hyper-agency plus callous disregard for anyone else. It stands to reason that "Toxic Femininity" would resemble the inverse. A sort of anti-agency plus an over-active empathic response.
I feel like the latter kind of describes what we are seeing here. It seems to me that an individual made a decision and the consequences of that decision had a negative effect on their well-being, but both we (as the observers) and the individual are being discouraged by society from acknowledging this fact because that would be "mean", "cruel", or otherwise anti-social somehow. We don't want to be seen as lacking empathy, or blaming the victim, and so it almost feels transgressive to say "Yes, I should have seen the red flags and ran" or "You fucked up and should have known better".
I don't think that this has anything to do with whether or not someone has a Y chromosome. I think the issue is that as a society becomes more traditionally "feminine" the failure modes of femininity will become more prevalent. I am increasingly of the opinion that that the values and beliefs of modern cosmopolitan liberalism are simply not compatible with developing healthy interpersonal relationships and I feel like this seeming off-shoring of personal culpability and agency that we see here is a big part of why. You cannot act to correct a problem that you refuse to acknowledge. And even after you have acknowledged it you still need to make a commitment to behave differently in the future if you want to improve your situation.
As ever, I'm reminded of this immortal piece by Theodore Dalrymple.
What an amazing article! Thanks for this!
I first came across it when Scott linked to it in "Radicalising the Romanceless". I think it should be required reading for anyone training to be a GP, social worker, psychotherapist etc..
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