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There has been some new study recently showing that female promiscuity, just like male promiscuity, is limited to a small subset of the total population. Before I deleted X, I saw several posts asking why non-promiscuous men are still chasing the "hoes" (and are complaining about them) instead of concentrating on the majority of women that aren't. I want to propose a hypothesis.
But first, a digression. Imagine a happily married gay couple, Fred and Steve. It's Saturday afternoon, their adopted kids won't be back home for a couple more hours, all the chores are done, and Fred's looking bored and restless. Steve suggests a quickie to pass the time. Is Fred down for it? I would bet my money on yes.
Now replace Fred with Frida. Suddenly, the odds are completely different. I am not saying that all women are not into random acts of intercourse, but the proportion of them that are dtf is low enough that reversing the bet makes total financial sense.
What does this have to do with promiscuity? My hypothesis is that it's significantly correlated with overall sex drive in women. (Feel free to nominate me for the Ig Nobel prize.) There are some non-promiscuous, but libidinous women, except they don't stay on the dating market long, just like reasonably prices houses in good locations are almost never seen on Zillow. The visible parts of the dating market are promiscuous women and women with low sex drive. In the past the concepts of "putting out", "marital duty" obscured this dynamic, but modern women have been brought up knowing they don't owe anyone sex and don't have to hide their (dis)interest. And given that single lives are now easier than ever, why bother with trying to date such women at all? Better to concentrate on the visibly promiscuous women or on the age cohorts that are just entering the dating market, both of them have a higher share of women with a high enough sex drive.
Someone that’s been promiscuous in the past is not necessarily going to be more open to their spouse proposing sex unprompted in order to pass the time. People who have lots of casual sex could be motivated by thrill-seeking, self-esteem issues, high impulsivity, not just having a high sex drive - you can even be promiscuous by being horny once a month and rack up 100 partners by your mid-twenties. Your partner of X years saying “you look bored, wanna have sex?” is anything except exciting or passionate, and isn’t going to satisfy those impulses.
I do think men are more open to being casually asked for sex in that way while tend to women prefer there being a build up, physical touch leading up to it, their partner making their attraction known, creating desire and anticipation… show don’t tell kind of thing.
Personally my partner suggesting sex unprompted is not going to put me in the mood, but maybe for the average man there is no need to be in the mood, sex is a thing they’d have at any time for no reason? Reactive vs spontaneous desire essentially.
This right here really is the core of many 'man vs. woman' sex 'conflicts' in relationships. Many men often project their spontaneous sexuality onto women, and many women their reactive sexuality onto men, and treat their partner as defective for just working different. I do think more people understanding how those two types of sexuality work would lead to people finding a middle ground and working with each other in relationships more.
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