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When the message is sent to men to "be nice" it's not really "don't cheat" or "don't be an abusive parent." Rather, it's things like "be kind"; "be considerate" "be a good listener" "be the kind of guy who helps her move a heavy thing" etc. So you are pulling a bit of a bait and switch.
(Even so, if a man is otherwise attractive but is a cheater or is abusive, it's not going to hurt his chances with women all that much. The fraction of women who are turned on by a guy who mistreats them is not just a small number of "damaged" women. Let's put it this way: If I needed to find a wife and I had a choice between being perceived as (1) a man who is kind, considerate, a good listener, etc.; and (2) a man who is a cheater and or abusive, I would definitely take the second option. Almost all women are disgusted by men who are kind/considerate/a good listener. Most women will put up with men in the second category if they are otherwise desirable.)
I find this hard to reconcile with reality, but I think it's for two reasons:
You are focusing on traits that correlate with other more or less desired traits. "Women," generally, may be attracted to men who cheat or are abusive, but not because they cheat/abuse. It's that men with attractive qualities like physical vanity and high-risk-taking are also more likely to be abusive and cheat. Men who listen well are probably also unattractive in other ways. Being someone who expresses kindness along with risk-taking and physical attractiveness should be the goal to attract the most women.
I suppose there are many women attracted to abusers and cheaters, but those would be exactly the women that I would not find attractive, including for all of the traits that likely correlate with those women: status chasing, too much attention to physical attractiveness, shallow thinkers, etc. It sounds like horrible advice, to me, for men to optimize attracting the most dysfunctional women.
Just so we are clear, are you claiming that, generally speaking, most men could improve their dating/romantic lives if they acted more kindly and considerately towards women?
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It's much simpler than that. It's "be attractive while doing these things". Imagine the two guys from the "hello, Human Resources" meme carrying a heavy box for a woman. One of them, she's staring at his forearms flexing, one of them she's watching the sweatstains break through his shirt with mounting disgust.
If you're reading this and it annoys you, stop typing and give me 30 pushups.
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