The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Oh come on. I mean, if they would find themselves locked in a room with JKR holding a gun, that maybe would qualify as somewhat threatening - even though as far as we know there's zero evidence of JKR being prone to violence, so it wouldn't be really threatening either. Witnessing content produced by a person whose views you hate is not "threatening". It can be upsetting. It can be infuriating that a person who is literally Hitler still allowed to parade around and express their opinions and release games and profit. I get it. I can also be upset when I see a person who I think is a complete asshole - or even criminal, or even a genocidal maniac - prosper and not being punished. It is a natural feeling, and it happens to pretty much everybody.
What it isn't however is "threatening". Just stop abusing language this way. Existence of Harry Potter games is not "threatening" anybody, and being upset is not the same as being attacked. At best, it's self-harmful, since living in constant panic over things that aren't threatening you is bad for you mental health. At worst, it is a cynical manipulation, trying to weaponize everybody's sense of fairness and protectiveness to aim it at attacking somebody you disagree with.
Example: being a female locked up 24/7 with a violent rapist who has bodily strength advantage and all the sexual equipment and desires of a male - this is what one would properly call "threatening". Of course, female inmates forced to live with this treat aren't likely your friends. But you may want to take time and think why you are so upset by a prospect of somebody encountering a mention of a game and not upset at all and in fact completely dismissive of a prospect of somebody being raped. I think friendship alone is not enough for such difference.
No they shouldn't. What they should be able is to choose which parts of the internet to browse, and whether or not to feel offended. They don't own the internet, and they don't own the minds of other people. Nobody has the right to claim that everybody else in the world should behave in ways that would never disturb you. They can take measures to limit their browsing in ways that would be less disturbing to them - and you, as a good friend, should help them, either by disabusing them of the notion that Harry Potter games "threaten" them, or by helping them browse only in places where they won't be upset by mentioning it. What neither you nor your friends have is the right to control other people's thoughts and expressions so that they would never upset you. This is totalitarian dictatorship stuff, you should not go there.
Try to explain to them that people have different opinions, and that doesn't mean they are "threatening" them. If that proves impossible, then you'd have to choose whether you never mention anything related to topics that upset them in their company ever again, or suffer the consequences.
No, your friends excluded themselves from the community by choosing to feel upset about the game which in no way does them any harm. It is certainly their right and privilege to do so - everybody has a choice of communities to which attach or detach. But it's also their choice. Which can they change at any moment they'd like to. What they can't is to seek totalitarian control over every community by threatening to feel excluded if everybody doesn't behave according to their liking.
I'm okay if you read my use of the word "threatening" as "upsetting," that gets my point across, even though it's not quite the same. You could argue that I'm a rhetorical charlatan for using the word and I would see how you got there. But it's fair to assume that someone who feels vulnerable about their trans identity could feel threatened by some of the stuff J.K. Rowling says, and be reminded of it when they get served Harry Potter content on the internet, thereby feeling threatened. But I'd be willing to compromise and use the word "upsetting" if you're okay with that, either one serves to help illustrate the problem I'm having.
This is getting off track-- I made this post because I didn't come clean to my friend about my feelings and beliefs, and I want to be sensitive to their feelings and beliefs. I am seeking advice for how to handle the issue. What's a contentious issue between you and your friends? How would you handle it if it came up in conversation? Would you avoid it?
I am dismissive of the rapist tweet because:
Most trans people don't become trans because they want to rape people (I believe the numbers of fradulent trans people are on the order of 1 per 1 million, but even if it's 1 per 1000 how many fraudulent trans people are also rapists?).
The tiny minority of fraudulent trans people (like, for example, rapists who want to go to a women's prison) will get extra scrutiny and be dealt with accordingly.
If the rapist who became trans wants to rape people, they shouldn't be allowed to do so in any prison, let alone a women's prison.
It's a tweet, and it's ridiculous
I think the argument that people have different opinions (and that sometimes their opinions are dumb and/or offensive, or in the case of J.K. Rowling driven by their life experiences) is a good one to use. I may incorporate this into how I handle the topic if it comes up in conversation again.
It's not like you are making a favor to me because I'm dumb and can't understand it otherwise. It like using this term is abusing the language and we all need to stop doing it. Moreover, you are abusing it in a way that is also used by people to do very bad things. I do not say your goals are also bad, I am completely willing to accept it's an innocent mistake driven, but I am saying staying away from such abuse is not some negligible concession to just get people to understand you better. It's a very important principle and should be done because it's the right thing to do.
Their feeling would be wrong. If they are your friends, you will be doing them a service correcting their picture of reality to match the actual reality. Believing in false things is very rarely good for you. If somebody feels the TV is giving them orders coming from Alfa Centauri, they need help. If they feel a game is threatening their existence, they need help. If Rowling advocated, say, for putting trans people into camps or sending them off to Australia, then that may be thought of as threatening, but she never did that, did she? And neither does the game include any elements that promote such actions, right? So I don't see anything threatening.
If you mean that Rowling words may cause them doubting their identity - well, if their identity is so unclear to them that a word of a random person can change it, maybe it's a good thing they hear those words? Unless being trans carries some value to them and they are actually scared that it may be revealed to them that they aren't actually trans and thus lose this value and become ordinary boring people, like the rest of us? I certainly hope that's not the case.
The females in that prison won't be locked together with "most trans people". They will be locked with the specific rapist, who we know raped people because that's the reason he's in prison. And he somehow "discovered" he's "transgender" only after being convicted.
If I see no chance to change my friend's mind or if I feel trying to do so will hurt them emotionally - yes, I'd avoid that. If I can't avoid it, I'd tell them that I am their friend and I value their friendship, but I think they are wrong here, and explain why.
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