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Wellness Wednesday for February 22, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Shaming doesn't work very well when the shame-ee has a bunch of people who will promptly reassure him/her that it was all bullshit and also the person who shamed him/her is evil (a.k.a. a safe space). There are lots of safe spaces for transfolk - indeed, there has been quite the deliberate effort to install them everywhere. Vaccines are not a great analogy here (assuming for the sake of argument that your story is correct) because being anti-vax was always low-status and had few safe spaces.

Also, in general I think there are points to be won for not being the first to turn hostile, particularly between scrupulous people. If the other person pulls the trigger, there's no niggling doubt about "what if I hadn't done it".