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Yes. I am in a constant state of self-evaluation to see if I feel as though I have strayed too far from my 'authentic' self.
And the adaptations I make are not so much to 'ensure' that a failed relationship would have worked. I'm genuinely just trying to maximize the chances that I can encounter and then attract the sort of woman who is more likely to work it out with me. I have to filter aggressively, I have to maximize the space I'm searching but also minimize wasted time by not searching spaces that will turn up false positives. Its a DOOZY of an optimization problem.
And I also have to avoid all the various traps that dating has set for men in this day and age to boot. This sucks. Better men than I have failed. Nonetheless, I have the irrational confidence that I can somehow defy the odds or die trying.
Not to put too fine a point on it: Of all the women I have dated with intent... only one of them has gone on to eventually get a stable, lasting relationship (so far). The rest have crashed and burned in various ways. That one gained a bunch of weight and is perennially single. This one got knocked up and is a single mom. The one over there had a mental health crisis and hasn't surfaced since. And of course my high school sweetheart died.
Conclusion: those would not have been successful relationships regardless of my own contributions. I don't feel smug about this fact, I realized that I was damaged in my own way that led me to not see the issues at the time. As is my way, I did the hard work to try and fix myself as best I can. THE WORLD AS IT STANDS DOES NOT REWARD FIXING YOURSELF.
I'm not perfect, but I can very, VERY safely say by this point that I have my life in better shape and I am in a happier place than any of the women I once considered prospective wives.
Their loss, not mine.
The task is to find a woman with the necessary features that a relationship CAN be successful. The terrible fact is that the current social pressures actively despoils women in a way that makes that less likely. There's far, far fewer such women than we need.
Hence, as part of my campaign, I've declared war on the current status quo.
But its very hard to both fight the social forces that create this hellscape WHILST navigating the hellscape itself searching for a partner, so again I have to optimize where I can.
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