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Wellness Wednesday for August 12, 2026

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Today is one of those days where I wonder if I should be in some sort of counseling. And then I wonder what the point would be since the only truly actionable advice would be "find a new line of work."

I have been a public defender long enough that I now mostly have murder cases and sex cases (plus supervisory duties). My rural area is thankfully low on murders, but not so low on sex cases. It is generally possible to have semi-normal conversations with murder clients. It is almost impossible to do so with a 40yo man accused of having sex with a 13yo girl. Or a 30yo man accused of molesting his 8yo step-daughter. Or a 70yo man accused of molesting every child in the neighborhood. Or the pick-an-age man who has collected TB of CSAM, some of which is so appalling that just reading the description (much less having to actually see the videos) is something straight from the torment nexus.

Even for someone jaded by years of this work, it is wearing to hear the delusional and horrifying things they say. Some of them don't see anything wrong with what they've done, and some are even proud of it. And of course, if they're confessing to past actions they haven't been charged with, that's confidential information that goes to the grave with me. So they finally get to unburden themselves (or brag) and I can do nothing with it except store it away in my elephant's memory (I am not Funes the Memorious, but I remember far too much).

So there are days like today where I had custody visits with a number of my clients and it would be great if I could somehow memory wipe my time at work.

Go to therapy. I used to work a similarly demanding job with a severely mentally ill clientele. The things I experienced weighed on me terribly and friends can only offer support to a certain extent. After a certain point, I almost felt like I was doing harm by telling them these horrible stories that they were not equipped to process or understand. A therapist will listen and listen and listen, and probably offer you at least a few helpful tidbits. Consider seeing one with a specialty in meaning-making or depth work, but I always say the best therapist is the one that is cheap and accessible enough that you will actually go to sessions. Best of luck.

I'm legitimately curious about how attorney-client privilege here interacts with therapist-client privilege.