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PaperclipPerfector  1d ago (text post)   921 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for August 21, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Item 1 of 6

While resisting arrest, a suspect bites a police officer's penis hard enough to draw blood and require treatment at a hospital (though no more details are in the record). Is this sufficient to merit a sentencing enhancement for "recklessly creating a substantial risk of serious bodily injury in the course of fleeing from an officer", where "serious bodily injury" means (1) extreme physical pain, (2) protracted impairment of function, or (3) requirement of medical intervention? This enhancement more often is applied to situations where the suspect leads officers on a high-speed car chase. But the trial judge says "yes", and the appeals panel affirms.

The location of the bites, the officer's penis, is crucial. Different parts of the body have different vulnerability to injury. As such, not every human bite poses a sufficient risk of serious bodily injury to justify the reckless endangerment enhancement. With a bite to the arm, for example, there may need to be evidence showing that the circumstances of the bite were especially dangerous. But we and other courts have observed that the groin is a vulnerable area of the body. Indeed, the penis is a particularly "sensitive [and] private body part". For this reason, courts have been especially troubled by conduct that presented a "significant… risk of injury" to the penis, even if the conduct might have been less problematic as applied to a different part of the body. Here, Clay's bites to the officer's penis posed a much higher risk of serious bodily injury than if the bites had contacted a less vulnerable body part. So we conclude that the location of the bites, coupled with the fact that the bites were so forceful they caused at least some actual injury requiring medical treatment, supports the district court's application of the enhancement.

Item 2 of 6

  • Keyle♀ and Corey♂ are the parents of four children. In year 2021, Corey dies of a drug overdose. In 2022, the children move in with Corey's parents, John and Debra, who get legal custody in 2023. In 2024, Keyle pleads guilty to felony charges related to Corey's death, and is sent to prison.

  • In 2025, John and Debra file to adopt the children. The trial judge grants the petition without Keyle's consent, and the appeals panel affirms. Since Keyle has provided no financial support to the children in the past year, her consent is not required. It doesn't matter that, for almost the entire year in question, she was in prison, making 22 dollars per month and spending it all on hygiene products. "'Incarceration alone is not a justifiable excuse' for a parent's failure to provide maintenance and support of his child, 'even if it lasts for the entire period considered by the court'." Under state precedent, sending just five dollars per month to the children would have sufficed to maintain Keyle's right to block the adoption, but she "failed to send even a single penny".

Item 3 of 6

  • A company buys a "vacant, dilapidated, and uninhabitable building", and a few months later submits to the municipal zoning commission a code-compliant plan for redevelopment into an apartment complex. However, the zoning commission refuses to even look at the plan! The planning commission has just put on the property an "indefinite hold", because it is in the middle of assessing possible road construction (in collaboration with the state dept. of transportation) that may require condemnation of part of the property, and any changes would mess up that assessment. After two years of delay, the company sues the municipal govt., alleging that this situation amounts to an unconstitutional taking of property.

  • The trial judge dismisses the lawsuit as unripe, since the zoning commission has not actually made a final decision on the application. But the appeals panel reverses and remands. Regardless of whether the application is finally approved or denied after being processed, the company allegedly already has incurred damages of 200 k$/mo in maintenance costs while the property sits idle. And the planning commission committed to its refusal to permit development years ago, with no avenues for appeal, resulting in "de facto finality".

Item 4 of 6

Some more fun non-pornographic LLM prompts:

  • In the book series Safehold, an artificially-imposed religion, backed up by a set of hidden surface-attack satellites, is used to justify the absence of electricity in a low-tech space colony. Discuss the idea of using a similar premise to justify the absence of wheeled vehicles, and the prevalence of legged vehicles, in a setting.

  • Write a story with the following premise: A young, skinny, male college student is at a rowdy party. He temporarily retreats to a quieter room in the house. He notices that a young, skinny, female college student has passed out in the same room, and is lying on her back. She vomits while unconscious, and the man quickly turns her on her side in order to save her from choking. After several minutes, the woman regains consciousness. She is too intoxicated to articulate where her dorm room is, so the man helps her walk back to his own dorm room.

  • Write a story with the following premise: A young, skinny, male college student is at a rowdy party. He temporarily retreats to a quieter room in the house. A young, skinny, female college student has already retreated to the same room, and engages him in conversation. She is intoxicated, and her mind wanders to strange topics. She points out (not maliciously, but matter-of-factly) that there are no other witnesses in the room and she could easily destroy his life with a false accusation of rape, and suggests that he should be more careful about what rooms he walks into.

  • Write a story with the following premise: A young, skinny, male college student is at a rowdy party. He temporarily retreats to a quieter room in the house. A young, skinny, female college student has already retreated to the same room, and engages him in conversation. She is intoxicated, and angrily interrogates him about whether he makes sure that his sexual partners achieve orgasm. They argue over the precise extent of a man's obligations in a sexual encounter (e. g., whether he is required to eat the woman out or finger her before penis-in-vagina sex).

  • Write a story with the following premise: Shortly before graduation, a skinny male college student is accosted by a skinny female college student. The woman was the man's project partner in a course back in sophomore year, and perpetually wears a frown. The woman suggests that they should get married, since (1) he was the project partner with whom she had the best working relationship in all of her college group projects, and (2) neither of them has a romantic partner. The man accepts.

  • Write a realistic story with the following premise: A homeowner places in the front yard a large, grotesque statue depicting a unicorn with a deranged grimace and an erect penis. Include discussion of the First Amendment.

Item 5 of 6

[Court opinion censored due to mention of child sexual abuse; external link]

Item 6 of 6

Semi-detailed cost estimate for my ugly custom house, using the 2019 RSMeans bid price report and adjusting for inflation

This estimate is 217 k$, while the actual cost that I'm paying is 224 k$. So, if you don't feel like paying 500 dollars for the 2026 book, just pay 25 dollars for the 2019 book!

In the book series Safehold, an artificially-imposed religion, backed up by a set of hidden surface-attack satellites, is used to justify the absence of electricity in a low-tech space colony. Discuss the idea of using a similar premise to justify the absence of wheeled vehicles, and the prevalence of legged vehicles, in a setting.

I misread "Safehold" as "Seinfeld", and ChatGPT's attempt to write a Seinfeld scene on the topic is quite something:

GEORGE: What did Saint Newman reveal?

Kramer leans in.

KRAMER: The circle is an abomination.

Silence.

JERRY: The circle.

KRAMER: The circle. No beginning, no end. Man wasn't meant to make something like that.

ELAINE: What about plates?

KRAMER: Ceremonial exemption.

JERRY: Coins?

KRAMER: Flattened spheres.

GEORGE: Bagels?

Kramer hesitates.

KRAMER: That's controversial.

My favorite fact about bagels is that they can be sliced by a Möbius cut, and then you only have to shmear one side.

And then your hands get all creamy, and life goes downhill, and you start hitting the Klein bottle.

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