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Culture War Roundup for the week of September 28, 2026

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I'm getting a distinct sense that you are mustering arguments against (some) single men's perceptions of the women currently in the dating pool, and not even these same men's perceptions of women in general. If that's so, then accurate observations of women in general are not all that relevant.

Judging partnership traits of all women by looking at the single-and-looking women is like judging work ethic and know-how of all workers by looking at the unemployed-and-looking. Almost all current workers have passed through this stage, many more than once. Those with great, or even reasonable, work ethic and know-how quickly get jobs and become unavailable to other employers. The pool of the unemployed is therefore over-represented by those who have something unemployable about them.

Exactly the same observation explains any griping you hear about the men in the dating pool as well.

At some point in my long ramble, I had intended to address this. I do think there are distinct groups in the dating pool. And that there is a problem that is similar to encountering bad drivers on the road.

If you are an average speed driver you are paradoxically least likely to encounter other average speed drivers. The people you are most likely to encounter while driving are speeders who are passing you, and slow pokes who you are passing. The more of an outlier they are in their speed, the more likely you are to encounter them. Meanwhile all the other average speed drivers ... you'll only encounter a few of them that you are driving alongside of the whole time.

I think something similar happens in the dating pool. You are more likely to encounter the promiscuous fast movers going through many partners (speeders). And the technically single but rejecting all advances (slow pokes).

The other main determinants of the dating pool seem to be based on age, location, and culture.

Even a completely true statement about dating in New York City, might be completely wrong or backwards if you drive a few hours west to a small town like Batavia. Or college age senior, vs one year later working professional. Raised catholic vs raised baptist vs raised muslim etc. 2nd gen immigrant vs potential memberships in the SAR/DAR.

So I think a person in the dating market has a heavily skewed perception of who else is in the dating market. They are probably encountering speeders and slow pokes, but they are also probably heavily stuck in a specific subset of the dating pool. The speedsters/slowpoke problem seems inherent and unavoidable. But being stuck in a cultural subset is absolutely avoidable, its just not easily avoidable. I attribute my few dating success stories (where I helped someone go from single and frustrated to in a happy couple) entirely to just getting people to move out of their subset of options that don't fit into another subset. Convincing a guy that was only using dating apps or hookups with coworkers and getting him to try a kickball league. With the employment comparison this would be like looking in the wrong industry for a job when you are a better fit in a different industry. There is often a lot of momentum in staying in the same industry/social setting. But just making people aware of where the grass might be greener is enough to get them to move.