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I don't think you're getting it. The idea isn't that black and white people have no inner experiences in common, the idea is that they have no difference in inner experience except for in response to social treatment. To say "I desire to change my melanin to match my inner experience of blackness" is incoherent because there is no inner experience of blackness distinct from social treatment. To say "I desire to increase my testosterone to match my inner experience of masculinity" is coherent because femininity and masculinity are aspects of inner experiences.
I think a big part of our disagreement is that I think living with a testosterone or estrogen dominated body is a much bigger part of gendered experience than having the appropriate genitals. I ejaculate every few days, a cis woman menstruates a few days a month. We're both constantly having our emotional processing, cognition, personality and preferences shaped by our hormones. A trans man might never have 100% of the experiences of a cis man but getting on testosterone can give them a lot of them pretty quickly.
A white person who tans their skin isn't going to immediately start having racialized experiences, and because race is so linked to class and culture they may never. Progressives don't like to talk about this but black people police blackness all the time and discuss people not really being black enough. I don't think a well educated middle class woman who tans her skin so she's plausibly biracial is really going to experience much racial discrimination and may or may not participate in black culture.
It also seems a little telling that trans-racial people as re usually not white people from 'the ghetto' who live in the black community and want their skin to better reflect their internal experiences. It seems to be a bunch of white women who want favoritism for non-profit positions.
I don't know if every transgender person claims to have inner experiences similar to those of the opposite sex, but "I feel happier and more fulfilled when I'm presenting as a woman because I like the way people treat me" strikes me as the kind of sentiment many trans women would say accurately describes their inner lives. If a big motivation for transitioning (or even just "passing") is the social component, why is this desire legitimate in the case of transgender people but illegitimate in the case of transracial people? Why is "I like the way people treat me when I present as a woman, even though I'm male" a perfectly legitimate desire to hold, but "I like the way people treat me when I present as black, even though I'm white" offensive and wrongheaded?
All of this is further complicated by the fact that, while taking hormones and undergoing surgery will change a trans person's inner experiences to be more similar to those of a member of the opposite sex, many trans people never take hormones or undergo surgery, and the suggestion that trans people who don't medically transition aren't really trans is widely seen as an offensive form of gatekeeping in trans activist circles ("truscum" is the preferred term). For many trans people, the extent of their transition is social: they have no interest in changing their bodies in order to change their inner qualia, changing the way people treat them is good though for them. Once again, I ask why this preference is legitimate in the case of gender, but illegitimate in the case of race.
You could say the exact same thing about male sex offenders who suddenly "discover" an internally felt female gender identity upon conviction. If the existence of a few transracial grifters cynically claiming to be a different race for personal gain invalidates transracial as an identity, precisely the same argument applies to transgender. For what it's worth, Freddie himself doesn't go this far, acknowledging that he thinks there's something "tragic and wounded" about Rachel Dolezal.
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