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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   5634 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 12, 2023

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So, in the CWR thread there was an exchange where @2rafa got a bit piled on for claiming that most men don't have lots of casual sex not because they can't, but because they don't particularly want to compared to competing activities. I'm not interested in relitigating the conversation, but the following bit struck me (conversation massively snipped for the relevant parts):

From @2rafa:

Because most men do, in fact, show a revealed preference for long term relationships. [...] I think most men who don't pursue sleeping with huge numbers of women don't do so because they don't want to, not because they can't.

And from @Amadan:

[Y]our rather touchingly naive view that down deep we're all just looking for our waifu is not really true. [...] But most men who don't do it [have sex with large numbers of women], unless they have strong religious or other reasons not to, absolutely would do it if they had the ability.

Now admittedly I am one of the people with "strong religious ... reasons not to", but this strikes me as off somehow? I mean, sure, most men have some level of desire to have lots of sex with different women, but people have lots of desires, and just because they have a desire doesn't mean they'd preferentially fulfill it, especially if it competes with other ones.

Which leads to my question. What fraction of men (say, in their twenties) are better described as (a) "looking for [their] waifu" - i.e. want to find a good wife (and then, presumably, also have lots of sex with her), with little serious interest in casual sex, or (b) "absolutely would [have lots of casual sex] if they had the ability"?

For (heterosexual) men, which is/was more true of you? For anyone, what fraction of men do you think are are "team find a wife" vs "team casual sex"?

My preferences are:

  1. Have a great LTR

  2. Have good casual dates and sex on occasion, maybe like once every month or two

  3. Be alone

  4. Have lots of casual dates and casual sex, like multiple times a week

I think most non-religious men would prioritize having lots of casual sex higher than me. Part of the reason why I put it so low is that I think I have "death grip syndrome", where my penis is desensitized to penis-in-vagina sex from over masturbation. In some ways masturbation is just more pleasurable than a hook up to me, and definitely much less work. If I had the sheer pleasure from casual sex(just on the physical side of things, ignoring emotional effects) that it seems most men have, I'd rate it higher.

That said right now I don't really have any of those options right now. I'd describe my dating life as lack luster dates a few times a year.

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