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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   34439 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of March 13, 2023

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If nothing else, don't mindfuck people into "agreeing" to something that's going to hurt them.

Absolutely that. It only ends badly for everyone, because the resentful partner will not tolerate such behaviour for long, and the partner who thinks they'll be swimming in pussy (or male attention, works both ways) may find they've broken up a functioning relationship and still get nothing in return.

As for "forgiveness not permission", I think if you can have flings and keep it secret from your partner and they never, ever, find out about any of them, then it works. But if you have a fling or flings and your partner finds out, they'll be hurt. Even if they forgive you, it'll probably be conditional on "and this never happens again" and if you're having flings because you're unhappy with your sex life, it's more likely than not going to happen again.

So if you promise "never again", continue to have flings, and get caught out the second time, it's all ruined. You're a liar and a cheater, they're leaving you!

And if you're honest about "our sex life is so boring I need this", that's another level of hurt and anger and may wreck the relationship anyway.

So if you promise "never again", continue to have flings, and get caught out the second time, it's all ruined. You're a liar and a cheater, they're leaving you!

I know this isn't what people who are into polyamory are gunning for, but this is exactly why I think it's the better option. Let your significant other have some moral clarity, instead of wrecking their brain with "I agreed to this".

For some people it does seem to work, but that seems to be a subset of "we're weird in various ways anyway". The kind of people who couldn't have a conventional, and successful, relationship. I honestly don't understand what the difference is between "solo poly" and "sleeping around", but hey, I'm not in those circles.

For other people, the default is monogamy and that's why cheating is seen as so destructive. And even if you get your partner to agree (and I see some stories of people who nagged a partner into trying poly or an open relationship or the likes), it may not work out well; one or both of you may be unhappy, one of you may be getting all the new dates and the other gets jealous, one of you falls in love and breaks up the relationship and so on.

It's tough. I think a lot of people go into relationships genuinely intending to be faithful and committed, then after a while when everything is just normal and commonplace routine, they get a wandering eye and want something new and different. I think a lot of affairs happen because people are just stupid (that's being human, we're all stupid at times) and then it gets found out and there is Drama.

If you honestly can't keep it in your (gender-neutral) pants, then be honest with your partner (unless you are so super-organised you can juggle all the balls and never ever get caught out, but honesty is still morally better).

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