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The problem you are running into is that a lot of being attractive is kind of slotting into a comfortable middle zone. That middle zone exists on a spectrum, so people will warn you away from both ends of the spectrum, but it will sound contradictory.
"Don't seem too obsessed and attracted to them." vs "Don't ignore them and be indifferent to them."
"Don't be arrogant and over-confident" vs "Don't be shy and lacking in confidence"
Dating is going to be hard cuz it is partly a social dance. You have to demonstrate some level of social skills. And one way to measure social skills is to have a bunch of changing and complex rules for dating that aren't easily legible.
I personally found the primal aspects of dating helpful to think about. To me they seemed fundamental, and no amount of social games were going to fully erase them:
Demonstrate an ability to provide resources (kids need resources).
Demonstrate social skills by having friends, playing the dating game, and making them laugh (social skills need so you don't let other people in the tribe steal resources for your kids).
Demonstrate an ability to cultivate long-term loyalty (show that you continue to support them and their kids with resources once the fun of sex has worn off).
I think male attractiveness is just what features of males correlated with good resource gathering many years ago. So being healthy and physically fit. But women seem fully capable of being attracted to resource producers that are not healthy or physically fit. But you need at least one of these things. Be fit and attractive, or be rich. Hopefully both.
The apps just seem designed to get people to have sex. If you want to use an app or website, try and find one that is based on trying to create relationships. Hopefully it has some barriers to entry.
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