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Could you be more specific? What large costs are common people making that doesn't actually help their kids or the parents dealing with kids?
Effectively all of them. Getting kids into expensive private schools? Twin studies have demonstrated them to be pointless. They end up exactly as successful and happy by the age of 35 regardless. This is also true of special early education, fancy extracurriculars, cool vacations, neat gadgets, a nice first car etc. This is all generally verifiable from twin studies. Nature wins, nurture... sort of helps, at least as far as "don't lock your kids in a basement and starve them."
As someone who personally grew up for extended periods of time without running water or electricity it was just sort of fine. Didn't really have a massive impact on my life, got me outside more, spent some more time with friends, etc. Occasionally annoying but like: you wash your hands in a bucket instead of the sink, you haul drinking water from the well (exercise), and you don't brain-drain in front of a screen. Frankly seems pleasant compared to how my college roommates lived.
You want to have your kids do better than you? Marry up, don't starve them, provide a very basic level of opportunity, and you're good to go. The sad reality of parenthood is there's very little you can do. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's been known for a long, long time.
That basically leaves as expenses: diapers, food, gas for driving them to school, clothes. That's practically covered by tax benefits alone. Medical expenses are a legitimate concern, but they can be dealt with (or just ignored, if you're lower class and have already acquired a mortgage!) If the wife's career is an issue, I can't really speak to that. That's just never been an issue in any of the relationships I've known as all the women happily jumped on being a stay-at-home-mom when it was an option (as my own girlfriend wants to, and is ready to drop her career plans at a moments notice,) so I've no experience with it.
I'm phone-posting, but for sources I'd look into 'Selfish Reasons' For Parents To Enjoy Having Kids by Brian Caplan, which is very good, and just general twin studies. SSC has some good old posts about it as well I believe if you dig.
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