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Notes -
Are gay men actually gay?
What portion of gay men are completely uninterested in women? If there was a highly attractive women who wanted to have sex, what portion of gay men would say no?
Maybe it is my autistic inability to see things from other's perspective but I have a sneaking suspicion that many gay men are gay because grindr is tinder on tutorial mode. I can understand if some of them feel attraction to men but honestly if they had the ability to easily attract high quality women would they really say no?
My brother turned down the opportunity to fuck a guy he really wanted because the man's girlfriend wanted to watch, and reading between the lines, that was enough of a turnoff to make the entire process unworkable. That isn't universal, but neither is it unusual or even the most extreme variant. The number that'd turn down direct contact with a woman without another dick in the room is a lot higher.
Conversely, a surprising number of gay men have tried women, despite their best efforts: there was a fun statistic going around in the early 00s that was probably mostly selection effect but ended up with a worrying number of gay men having had their first age of heterosexual intercourse before the average straight man did. Some of that's really sketchy stuff -- Dan Savage's version is worse because he doesn't mention and may not realize it was statutory rape -- but more of it's just that a lot of gay socialization makes dealing with women somewhat easier and a little less 'threatening', along with pressures to appear straight making early relationships (including relationships without a stated interest in sex!) more appealing earlier.
Some of them identify as gay because they tried it and it didn't work: either 'pushing rope', not being able to reach climax even if they could get hard, or they had to lay back and think of England (or their favorite porn star dick). ((If you want a fictional example, look at Meesh's "Passing Love" pages 9-12, cw: het sex, and notice comments empathizing with it.))
But others were physically capable (sometimes with chemical assistance, sometimes not) and it just wasn't enjoyable. They might not turn down a hot woman who wanted sex, but it's not what they'd go with if they had a choice between a hot woman and a hot (or even mediocre) guy, and if the woman was offering for his sake rather than for her's, he might be better entertained with his own hands.
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