This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Classic PUA theory states that women want the appearance of danger without personal risk (eg an emotional rollercoaster). They want an intrinsically safe bad boy. Romance novels feed into this by creating a similar 'on rails' 'dangerous' experience.
I don't think women want real danger. They (and this is a very very broad brushstroke here; by 'they' we are probably only talking about a certain type of thrill-seeking girl commonly found in nightlife venues) want the appearance of 'danger' right up to the edge of the cliff where there are actual consequences.
For myself I've got quite a few sexual fantasies that I would never want to attempt in real life. I'm pretty sure that rape fantasies have no impact or subconscious influence on girls actually wanting real life rape.
This is generally how I frame this issue. I eventually learned my lesson but early on I was aghast at how many women I dated were enthusiastically into being choked, slapped, thrown around, hair pulled, called degrading names, etc etc but usually only after enough comfort and safety is established. At that point they basically get the best of both worlds: the male aggression and violence they find so alluring, but without any actual danger.
Yep. Human sexuality - IMO - is pretty disgusting. That goes for both men and women. To deal with it is to endure this disgust for bonding or for the glory of the next generation. This is admirable.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link