The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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I’m astonished that anyone ever managed to date without dating apps.
I’m a 25-year-old man. This year I have been living a very social, outgoing lifestyle. To explain what I mean by that, this is what I’ve done in the past month.
These weren’t all with the same friends. I have lots of friends and I make new ones fairly often.
I’m hoping to eventually find a girlfriend, and other than dating apps it’s common advice to be very social and meet new people. I do. (Not only for this reason, I also like it.)
The problem is the demographics of those friends. I made a spreadsheet of everyone I’ve done social activities with lately and it was like 70% men and 25% women who are in relationships. Even though it was like 60-70 people, only a handful were single women. And of course being single and female is not the only criteria for being a good match for me. I’ve still yet to go out with a woman I didn’t meet online.
I don’t really understand how anyone did this in the Before Times because I don’t really think my situation is that unusual. I think it’s normal for a man to have more male friends than female friends and it’s also normal for many people in their mid 20s to be in relationships.
For people who regularly find or used to find people to date by means other than dating apps / the Internet, how does it actually work? Is my problem that my milieu is really unusual for having a low ratio of single women? Or is meeting people to date at general social activities unusual for everyone, and “cold approaches” more common than I’d assumed?
I highly recommend learning how to dance, it's one of the things a man should know how to do. Personally I do competitive dancing so you have a set partner who you work with and has the same choreo as you - certain steps are not leadable so you need to have an agreement in advance of who will do what when if you want to do them (also it's meant to look good rather than feel good, my Latin teacher says that if you're untrained and a move feels good, it probably looks shit), so you don't really meet that many new people (and competitions are not an environment conductive to meeting people, everyone is extremely focused and doesn't need distractions). However once you get good at the competitive stuff and learn how to lead properly (takes about 3-4 years of training), you can start going to social dancing where the atmosphere is a lot more relaxed and your superior skills at looking good while dancing compared to everyone else also in attendance will attract women to you, and then you an take it from there.
Dancing as a whole is also very female dominated, there's a huge shortage of good leaders, so once you get to that point you're suddenly highly in demand.
Equally though please don't go dancing just to hit on women, it's obvious to everyone from a mile away and disrupts the flow of the class. In fact I'd recommend avoiding women completely for the first year or so to focus on improving your technique, having women you find hot nearby is distracting from what the teacher is saying.
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