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Notes -
I solicit psychoanalysis. There are some behavioral patterns that bug me a lot! But I have a hard time articulating what exactly. And why exactly.
Read: Failures in Kindness, The Asshole filter. The aforementioned articles capture some of them, the class of behavioral patterns I am talking about.
Both the articles describe 5 distinct behavioral patterns that I can best describe as sloppy. What they have in common are:
Note that these patterns are not negligent, malicious or particularly difficult to oppose.
Nevertheless, my flight or fight response kicks in when I even imagine someone doing any of these things. Why? I am not big on trying to introspect why I feel the way I do, afterall my brain is a mushy piece of shit running caveman software, and I am best of ignoring what ticks off the lizard.
But seriously why? Why do I feel such scorn, revulsion and anxiety at even the mere thought of these behaviors ? Like I literally think you are a lesser being if you ever committed any of these things.
It seems likely you've had some bad relationships or experiences with people who behave in that way, and haven't completely gotten over it.
The scenarios in the Kindness article, especially, strike me as weird.
Sure, it's pretty lame to just be vague and open about what to do with a friend when they visit. But it's also kind of weird for the friend to just kind of passively expect you to play tour guide, rather than just asking about a good restaurant or museum or something, and if you want to join. When I've shown up places with vague expectations, I'm not at all surprised if we just have tea and I'm left to wander around the city or follow them on a grocery trip or something.
The second one is also odd. A man has gone to a woman's house, is there late at night, just the two of them, and is planning to stay until she kicks him out? So he's, what, going to either fall sleep or make a move, but it basically indifferent as to which? Or he likes her so much, but as a friend, he'd be interested in staying up all night together platonically? None of that has much to do with "kindness" or lack thereof on his part. And this is in the same category as lighting up a cigarette in a group of people, as long as you ask how annoyed they'll be first? Isn't the convention to announce you're going around the corner to smoke, and offering one to anyone who wants to join?
I'm pretty sure the convention for gas is to wait until they stop for gas, and then buy the gas?
Umm... giving game. Right.
Anyway, everyone described sounds so foreign that interacting seems like it would be an interesting cultural experience.
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