Gaashk
10mo ago
I'm not a fan of rdrama, nor do I want its aesthetics and hyperbole imported here.
I am not a huge fan of lawns, and my own yard is some combination of native grass and spindly flowing things.
Still, I find myself confused by your confusion. The lawn people have two children and a dog. If they're older, maybe they have some grandkids and a cat. They do not want to have to supervise them or have them in the same room with themselves all the time, or even all the time when they're home on evenings and weekends. They cannot send them to the park on their own for 13 years, or depending on the neighborhood, ever. Hence, the yard. Why is that the case? Because it's a big American city, and Americans are kind of paranoid and drive around drunk in trucks where they can't see kids.
Why is the yard full of grass instead of potatoes? Partly because potatoes are kind of a stupid thing to be growing in modern industrial society, where they're incredibly cheap and they'd have to dig up their yard to get them, and there are a bunch of utilities under the soil, so you have to map out where you'd even be able to dig safely.
Some of them do in fact grow kale and such in their backyards, but in suburban Chicago there is a bunch of lead in the soil and the paints and the pipes, and it isn't trivially easy to grow vegetables that are worth eating. It's a lot harder to learn how to grow actually useful plants, neatly, than to keep a lawn, and they subscribe to the broken window theory, where a poorly kept, weedy garden is analogous to a broken window in signaling urban decay. In their defense, a lot of neighborhoods are undergoing a process of decay.
Ok, but why aren't they at least growing fruit or nuts? I don't know, it would amuse the children and the cat, and is easy. Maybe they should. The ones who drive around in pickup trucks, drinking beer while they fish in canals do have fruit trees (and also messy vegetable gardens, and are really an entirely different demographic than the suburban middle class lawn owners). It is probably fairly easy to convince a suburban lawn owner to plant a fruit tree, with a neatly mulched barrier between it and the lawn.
Gaashk
1yr ago
As others have said, be involved in his life. Play with him.
If he's three years old and goofing around with looking like his mom or pretending to be someone different, don't make a big deal about it. Three years is exactly the right time to be doing that! He should be around other people who are also pretend playing, and know it, and think it's fun or funny and no big deal.
If he's eight and the social mania is still in full swing, perhaps consider moving to a different social environment, possibly drastically so. If he gets matched with a weirdo teacher and can't change classrooms, it would probably be worth changing schools over. But there's a pretty good chance the zeitgeist will have moved onto some other repellant thing by then.
Gaashk
1yr ago
It depends on the demographic profile of the unemployed people. If all the truck drivers have to switch careers, that will probably be a great asset to maintaining our infrastructure. If all the middle aged female email senders are laid off... maybe they will retrain in healthcare? But I'm not certain that would actually lead to a better experience of healthcare, just more money disappearing into an infinite abyss that's already eating much of our economy.
Since buying a house, I have sometimes interfaced with trades adjacent tools, bits of plumbing, digging holes, car engines, and a swamp cooler. For the most part, my husband is able to use the tools and handle the parts, and I am not, because my hands are not strong enough. This is not because I'm not good with my hands -- I am very good at crafts, and pick them up almost instantly. It's about physical strength, and it's not even like someone with weak hands can still do the task, but badly (this is the case for things like ceramics -- strength is useful for ceramics, but weak people can still make worse, smaller pots. I suppose the same is true of holes, but also, we can rent equipment for the holes if it comes to that, so it's automatable anyway). Most of the time, someone with weak hands simply cannot do the task at all.
Gaashk
27d ago
That isn't very surprising, it's basically the impression I got from the Chicago news, though I wouldn't usually use the phrase "mass shootings" for "got in a feud and shot up the place" or "gang based violence killing several people." The people of the Northern Migration cities basically know it's black-on-black crime, in neighborhoods that have been hard to police forever, back to mafia violence and unsuccessful prohibition, and likely before.
I'm willing to believe the Minnesotans were genuinely shocked, they actually believe in restorative justice and sending troubled teens to spend more time in lakeside centers to smell the pines, and urban decay seems pretty new to them.
But, yeah, it's a trope that it's uncouth to mention when shooters are black.
Gaashk
4mo ago
My grandmother grew up in southern Texas, and also followed these rules. She also hosted holiday get togethers, and always enforced the "no politics or religion" rule, aside from niceties like singing traditional Christmas carols, or presenting a theologically neutral Thanksgiving prayer.
I haven't followed fat acceptance very carefully, and mostly hear about the sillier examples online.
As far as I can tell, the vast majority of people are still reasonably polite, and never ask something weird and rude like "where are you really from?" or complain about strangers weight in front of them, even as they're being crushed on a 6 hour flight between two much heavier people.
I've met some people who seem nice enough in person, but come across as very rude online. The Grandmother's Etiquette Guide seems like it needs to have some things worked out about things like (generally non-conversational) email lists and social media, because of the whole dynamic around some people soapboxing in those spaces, a few people responding positively, and a bunch of other people quietly thinking worse of them, but not really knowing them well enough to say anything. I would like to be able to wield something that's the internet equivalent of a mildly disapproving stare or awkward silence.
Gaashk
8mo ago
In general, I like Peterson, though he's been going a bit too far into right wing punditry for my tastes, and I'm not fond of the Daily Wire, which he has recently allied himself with. He mentioned going to the training and recording all of it, which does sound mildly entertaining.
It makes some sense for the College of Psychologists of Ontario to want to distance themselves from him, and he really does seem to have turned into more of a pundit or preacher lately, which is probably somewhat at odds with being a psychologist. In that vein, maybe public money shouldn't be going to psychology, and the courts should tell them to handle the situation themselves. Go ahead and excommunicate the heretic, that's their own business, but they shouldn't receive public funds from the state run healthcare or university system.
Whether B is a problem or not depends on whether or not the person in question was in fact vindictively spreading a pack of lies. If they are, I would rather they were called on it than that it was politely obfuscated behind a wall of disclaimers. If they aren't or it's uncertain, then yes, that's bad on his part.
On F, Peterson phrased that poorly, he should have been more careful (as he likes to say he usually tries to be) and said that what the doctor did should have been criminal. Maybe he should have said evil instead? But I doubt the exact phrasing is really why the College of Psychologists was upset about it.
Ultimately it's probably fine if Peterson goes all in on his transformation to being a secular pastor. Evidently the demand is there, and he's hardly able to engage in professional psychologist duties already. He was talking with Jonathan Pageau the other day about working on fairy tales. I just hope he doesn't go too all in on constantly complaining about #CurrentThing, which tends to ruin that kind of work, even if from the conservative side.
Gaashk
1yr ago
I feel already overstuffed with opinions and uneasy with my online think piece consumption rate, and if this article were behind a paywall I would immediately forget it existed. Freddie and the NYT are, of course, entitled to charge for their content, but I will then simply ignore it and feel mildly annoyed when it comes up in a search.
There's a tipping point somewhere. Lately I've noticed having to wade through five page essays interspersed with huge photos and video ads to view recipes online. This freezes up my phone, which is a problem sine I'm mostly looking recipes up at the store to see what to buy. There's likely some level of inconvenience at which I will actually start buying physical printed cookbooks again. Physical cookbooks would come up as a solution before subscribing to a food substack, though I could imagine someone else doing that and it making sense for them. I subscribed to New Masters Academy videos for a couple months, and didn't feel cheated.
There are enjoyable and useful ways to deliver advertising content. Unboxing videos are surprisingly popular. I like to read subscription box review sites, which are full of affiliate links and paid content. This seems fine, since I'm considering getting a curated selection of cocktail mixers or whatever, and the site will inform me of which ones are on offer that month and if there are any specials or not. Often I prefer these articles to those written by the NYT.
Facebook ads seem about right -- they're clearly ads, but are for things I would actually consider buying, and occasionally do buy, and do not feel tricked. Youtube ads are worse, and seem to be getting worse every year or so; I'm not sure if there's a point at which I would pay for Youtube premium, but it's probably good that they provide the option.
If I had to choose between an internet hiding behind paywalls, and an internet full of obnoxious ads, I would probably choose the ads. There was one website where I was trying to read an article about Roundup, and the text kept moving when the ads changed shape, jumping around erratically, and I would lose my place. Eventually I saved it to PDF, which solved the problem. I would certainly not have paid money for the article, and very certainly wouldn't have subscribed to anything for it. I would rather see Freddie's Substack marred by even shady lottery animation than not be able to see it at all without subscribing (which I wouldn't do, because of the automatic renewal and having to remember to cancel aspect of that). But can certainly see how he would prefer subscriptions.
Gaashk
16d ago
Second this, and also plenty of places are still very nice to travelers even when they don't have much money, either because it's fun, or because their culture demands it. Perhaps both. I've wandered around the Republic of Georgia as an average looking young foreign woman, and they were universally both extremely hospitable (impromptu BnB in their house for cheap, free wine, show me around town, introduce me to their local English speaker), and fairly protective. People would think it very shameful if a foreigner got in any kind of scary situation in their town. Kind of the same ethos as Abraham and family, or the Odyssey -- you deserve the wrath of the gods if you aren't hospitable to wanderers.
Gaashk
1mo ago
One of the odder real life interactions I've had with a (presumably) trans woman was at a ranger station. Women rangers wear pants and don't wear makeup while at work. But this male one was wearing a skirt and makeup. Clearly he was making a statement, rather than trying to blend in with his female co-workers.
In my experience, restaurant trips with a four year old are fairly rushed, but as others say, it depends on the four year old, and how much they like the event in question. The local fancy tea house allows children starting at four, so presumably there are some kids that age that do well. IME, four year old girls especially are really incentivized by wearing pretty dresses, drinking from fancy dishes, and getting pretty treats, and will try to behave well to be trusted with fancy things and experiences. I have less experience with little boys, but could certainly see them working to be able to choose from a buffet or something.
I don't necessarily find it very helpful to think about taking young children to formal events in terms of discipline. I wouldn't expect them to be able to behave for vague reasons like "this will embarrass my parents" or "I will get yelled at an hour from now." If the situation is very uncomfortable, and they aren't all that naturally compliant, they will whine and nag, and a parent will probably have to remove them and go for a walk around the building or something. If they're crying loudly over a long period of time in a restaurant, then the parent is not acting very responsibly, and probably shouldn't have brought them.
Also, working in an elementary school, it's pretty clear that 1/10 of children or so are just not cut out for quiet, slow, calm activities, and even when there's something they want to earn, they just have a terribly hard time controlling themselves, and mostly fail.
Another thought - time of day is still important at that age. Tired children are not usually well behaved children.
Gaashk
5mo ago
Looking at the article, it seems clear that the main problem isn't exactly the $5,000, but rather that she spent it descending into addiction and uselessness while an unemployed adult.
"I went to rehab and then spent several months living with my parents until saving enough to rent a closet-size room in L.A. From there, I tried to engage in the “healthy” activities sober people are supposed to love. But there was no amount of hiking, hot yoga, or acai bowls that could stop me from constantly fucking up, and every relapse got progressively worse until I stopped trying altogether." If this were a working class man, people would have given up on him by now.
It reminds me a little bit of that piece from a decade or so ago by a woman who was raised middle class, got a degree in English or something, and then alienated her family and spent several years slumming in cheap hotel rooms, writing about spearing roaches and feeling exhausted all the time. I think it was this person https://www.wesjones.com/ehrenreich.htm
Clearly, not a "substantial person," that's the point.
Gaashk
6mo ago
Perhaps we're heading off in the wrong direction with Thomas Kikade and little cottages with docks on the lake to hang in the bathroom. Liberals are meant to be cutting edge individualists, but the telos of Conservative art is Mount Rushmore. There isn't a shortage of good small time traditionalists, making retablos and icons and Native American beadwork and oil paintings of the Grand Canyon and bronze sculptures of elk and so on. That's all fine, it has a thriving market. Now we have better and better image generation programs, and can make more attractive images than we know what to do with.
The big issue is that conservative American artists are all just doing their art alone, in their own small studios, maybe selling it at a local gallery or a craft fair or something, and it's hardly ever brought together to make something grand. Even conservatives themselves are probably too shamed to commission something like Mount Rushmore at present.
If you really want to see a political entity promoting some Conservative Art in Current Year, there's the Main Cathedral of the Russian Armed Forces (no, really, if you haven't see it, take a look https://youtube.com/watch?v=zYfdVnGHVEE ) Excellent details, craftsmanship, lighting, chanting -- very beautiful.
What would you be interested in seeing America build? We're unlikely to build a grand cathedral at this point. The Washington National Cathedral is quite nice, and I wouldn't mind more of that; is that what you're looking for? If you get a chance, go visit Saint Anthony's Monastery near Florence, Arizona. It's worth it just for the gardens, which are good conservative art in their own right. I want to work on a giant mosaic of Saint Innocent of Alaska or something. But Americans are too idiosyncratic. We end up with a bunch of eccentric individuals making little versions of House on the Rock instead.
When American conservatives are doing well, they end up with things like the Milwaukee Natural History Museum, the San Juan County Historical Society Mining Heritage Center, parks and plazas with life sized generals on horseback. Utah has good parks, museums, civic buildings, and at least a couple of pretty cool cathedral sorts of things. If I were Head Culture Commissioner of the Right, I would ask for more formal gardens with attractive shrines, and more things to be built from stone and carved from wood, with formal mosaics embedded in them, with spires and domes. I would absolutely not commission more little paintings of dockside cottages and Precious Moments figurines, the market can handle that just fine on its own.
Gaashk
11mo ago
And yet, she’s still the standard, still frequently adapted, still culturally important in a way that Marvel Girl Boss is not.
That isn’t necessarily to say there aren’t any important contemporary female protagonists, just that there’s no reason they are or should be catering to heroic male action expectations.
Gaashk
1yr ago
I had the misfortune to sit through a two hour lecture with no breaks about The Science of Reading (tm) with a room full of elementary school teachers a month or so ago. I immediately forgot almost everything, but the part I retained was that children are more likely to be able to read passages if they know something about the topic. This seemed blindingly obvious, but apparently educationalists only now realized it. They gave an example of an average elementary school teacher trying to read a passage about cricket, written for an audience of cricket enthusiasts, along with referencing some study where the thing found to be the strongest indicator of high schoolers ability to decode a passage about baseball was not so much reading level in general, but rather knowledge of baseball. They recommended organizing books more by topic than by reading level, and teaching kids actual things about the world. My father, who taught rather low skill high school readers, had moderate success getting them to read A Child Called It. Simple common words, shocking emotional story, likable narrator, familiar settings of home and school. They could generally decode the phonemes, but didn't have very much background knowledge, vocabulary, or tenacity.
The district is using LETRS (phonics based) and CLKA (core knowledge) curriculums. I was working in the school for over two years before finding out what any of the CKLA topics were. I had asked a couple of times, but both teachers and children seemed confused by the question. It turns out they're studying normal things like Greece, Rome, Astronomy, Geology, and so on, at predictable times of year, which is actually useful for me to know. We have a full time "instructional coach," but had never heard this mentioned before, despite asking.
Anyway, probably part of the issue is that Science of Reading types are lumping together several different things under "reading." A person can't read if they can't convert arrangements of letters into sounds, and then into already known words. Hence, schools that skip phonics are in bad shape. They also can't read if they don't know the meanings of enough of the written words yet, hence the CKLA and sportsball passage examples. Apparently some teachers prefer teaching the latter to the former, but still accept lower elementary positions, then neglect the phonics in favor of the "language rich environment" and "background knowledge" stuff.
Some smaller schools try to mitigate the "teaching phonics is dull and uncreative" effect by having teachers follow their students up the grade levels, only having to teaching phonics once every six years of so if they do it right. The preferred method seems to be to "offer more professional development" and "gather more data,"and occasionally yell at teachers.
Gaashk
26d ago
I recently saw an item in my newfeed about The American Exchange Project
That looks fun and interesting, but very short. At only a week, it seems unlikely much exchanging will be going on, aside from generic high school acquaintance making. I looked at a town I'm familiar with, and all the choices look... fine... but very clearly vacation based.
Gaashk
3mo ago
The same reasoning as voting for anyone in the primaries: preferring him to the competition, or believing he could drum up more enthusiasm in the general election than the competition, or not really paying attention and recognizing his name more than others.
At least he has already been president, and mostly just produced a lot of media drama and didn't get as much done as some had hoped. There are worse things.
Gaashk
4mo ago
They add their underage children (or of age, but that's less relevant) as an authorized user to a specific credit card. Paid in full, on time, utilizing ~7-15% of limit, and increasing limit every 6 months-year... kid could reach adulthood with a perfect score and many years of reliable history.
I taught a middle school personal finance class for a credit union a while back, and the advice was basically this, or to at least get a credit card at 18, even if you don't need it (especially when you don't need it!) use it a bit, and pay it off in full each month.
At the same time, the American finance system seems reasonably lenient on young people with steady jobs. I walked into a car dealership with no credit but an annual work contract, and walked out with a decent car. The interest rate wasn't great, but it was in an era of very low rates, so I didn't notice that much. This was financed through the (used) dealer, and it might be much harder for someone with no credit history to finance a car they found online. As it probably should be? Many people are unable to evaluate cars on their own, independently of general trustworthiness.
Gaashk
7mo ago
I vaguely remember someone mentioning Hanania a week or so ago, blogging about how most books are rubbish, or outdated and not worth reading, while his book is unusually good, and absolutely deserves people's attention. That was the only other time I remember hearing his name. It looks like it was discussing this post https://www.richardhanania.com/p/the-case-for-reading-one-particular
A cursory look suggests that Levine vilifies his and the readers' outgroup, and probably praises the in-group (conservatives love America! Probably...).
On superficial skimming, Hanania seems to have mixed feelings about the outgroup (the laws are structured to incentivize wokeness in the workplace?), and also mixed feelings about the Conservative in-group, and likes to dunk on them: https://www.richardhanania.com/p/populism-makes-worse-people
I think most people have terrible views on social and political issues. It’s not that they disagree with me, but rather that they don’t make the bare minimum effort to have opinions that are logically consistent or humane. The stronger they feel about their views, in general the dumber they are. It seems to me that most people get into the world of ideas because they’re compensating for some kind of deep personal insecurity by imagining a world where their status would be higher.
This is probably fine if he wants to talk with his very specific readership and X bubble, but it's hardly surprising the unwashed masses aren't much interested in buying his book. You're probably right and there's more to him, but he comes across as something of a prick, which is all it takes to not buy his book, since not engaging with a book is the default.
Data Secrets Lox seems to have more wives and mothers than here, so you might get more useful responses there (but keep in mind, they're spending time on DSL, suggesting that that's the online community of like minded people they've found, not somewhere else...)
I've been watching things like this lately https://youtube.com/@TheCottageFairy
I am also wondering about this question, with the impression that it may be underspecified.
What's missing (at least for me) isn't talking about children, animals, food, church, whatever. What's missing is actually doing those things together. I do not want to talk about preserving fruit -- I want to get together and preserve fruit. I think some of the other moms feel similarly, but none of us is good at organization, so the best we manage is going to the zoo or museum together every couple of months. I don't really want to talk about education, I would much rather form an educational co-op, the moms in my community are mostly better educated than the average school teacher, but again... organization. Other moms have mentioned kind of wishing that we all lived closer together, so that we could form some sort of loose commune sort of thing, but I don't think that's exactly it, either, so much as norms around not going to others houses casually or without a lot of warning and coordination. I lived in some other places on the edge of Europe where that was not the case.
The natural mode of socialization with women and small children should probably be something like handwork, like all the old stories with the mother spinning or baking or weaving or something, and talking at the same time. We should do this together, but I am also not an organizer, and we were all socialized into reading all day every day as kids. I'm starting to see some of the downsides of that culture. I listen to podcasts (with at least two people discussing something; I've been listening to Personality Hacker and selected Jordan Peterson interviews lately) while I do handwork, because it has some of that effect.
In my case, I'm mostly bringing this on myself by not going to church, because I find the specifics of my own church very stressful with small children. This is mostly because the church service does not include built in activity, except some parishes that have the boys help serve in the alter, so it's a really stressful back and forth, in and out of the service, scolding the children for speaking too much or too loudly, the children confused, frustrated, and bored.
Edit: If your kids are at least 10, and you live in the US, I'd recommend 4-H. Lots of down to earth families, and moderately structured, goal based activities; my mom and I both made a decent number of friends this way when I was a child and teen.
Gaashk
9mo ago
I recommend taking a look at the Saint John's College reading list (https://www.sjc.edu/academic-programs/undergraduate/great-books-reading-list)
Gaashk
1yr ago
As a woman who feels neutral about doctors, I would be WAY more likely to go if the cost of the robot was known, and there was no chance it would send me a surprise bill in six months.
Gaashk
1mo ago
On vouchers, I tried to look up what's happening in Arizona, since it passed a pretty expansive voucher program a couple of years ago, but it's hard to find much information aside from the standard "democrats think it's bad" and "republicans think it's good, and also costs less per student than public schools." An article says there are currently 68,455 enrolled in the voucher program, with $7,200 available per child, vs $13,000 per public school student. I would expect the very high needs children to be in the public education system, and for it to be basically impossible to create private programs on that voucher budget that meets federal requirements, but haven't heard anything about it. Google says that responsiblehomeschooling.org says there are 38,983 homeschoolers (but the link is dead now?), which would make almost twice as many voucher students as homeschoolers. I don't see any qualitative reports on what kinds of schooling arrangements people are choosing, so it's kind of hard to have an informed opinion. I'm basically in favor, since as far as I've heard from people like Caplan and DeBoer, kids learn about as much in any modern, structured educational setting, so they might as well do it somewhere they and their families like. But all the articles are biased (mostly from the anti side), so it's hard to tell how things are going.
Gaashk
4mo ago
There's a new Open Thread on ACX today.
Am I just imagining it, or were SSC open threads way more interesting a few years back? I remember spending an unreasonable amount of time reading them, and would re-load them and scroll through hundreds of pages of half read comments to see updates. Now they seem kind of dull for the most part?
Adding: also, they seem more difficult to participate in. If I do ever comment, someone either slaps it down dismissively, or there's simply no response.
Another thought: maybe all the interesting stuff is happening on the hidden open threads?
Coming from the Southwest, my mother was complaining about Californians with their pushy driving and their big houses fifteen years ago.
But, still, my home culture is closer to LA than it is to Luisiana, not only geographically, but more deeply. The same Spanish Colonial influences, of course. No influential schools specifically for boys, or Blacks, or Catholics. Sprawling cities that expanded in the era of the automobile, with huge grids and wide lanes.
I'm unsure how to classify the apology and trust issue, but I'm not sure "California" is the right category. We don't like our new neighbor, who has been building a house next to ours, because he does things like helping himself to other people's stuff without asking, and embedding it in his fence. When confronted with this, he always deflects, never apologizes. He seems to have learned everyone's names and has been occasionally using them as a kind of weapon. We always feel extra angry with him after he uses especially our children's names. My husband is considering installing a camera just for him, because he seems untrustworthy. He has painted his new house primer gray over stucco, in a land of clay colored pinks and tans, with matching grey stonework (suggesting this isn't an oversight, it really will stay that color), and bulldozed all the shrubs in his yard. We call this behavior "car salesman," but it's not exactly that, either. I don't know if he's from California, but if so, it was a long time ago. I would like it if there were an accepted term for this, like "premium mediocre" for many things also popular in California.
Back when I was in youth group at a California feeling Evangelical church, some church members once recommended a book called TrueFaced (https://www.amazon.com/TrueFaced-Bill-Thrall/dp/1576836932), and talked about how it had been important and meaningful to them, as they realized that they had been living a lie all this time. They did not seem especially disoriented by that realization. My family was intensely puzzled by this (along with the popularity of things like Wild at Heart and The Purpose Driven Life, also out of California). I think this is related to the "privacy settings" issue, and also to pressure from many social groups to perform things like enthusiasm or conversion in order to experience belonging and acceptance. We once went on a youth group outing to a California theme park, where after riding roller coasters all day, we went to hear a sermon about "recommitting our lives to Christ" or some such thing. At one point, the speaker demanded that we should get up and go over to another area, so I did, and then got me to fill something out saying that I had pledged recommitment or something. Afterwards, I felt confused and ashamed. I got up because a leader told me to, and now it was supposed to be something deeply meaningful and personal? People with a deeper need for belonging and greater focus on adherence to social norms probably do bend their entire personalities around the expectation that they be in some constant state of Revival (or, now, of finding themselves, or therapy, of being Out, whatever their social group calls for)
Some years later, I was volunteering for a month at a youth camp in California. This time it was Eastern Orthodox, which even in California is more stately and solemn than frenetic and enthusiastic. And yet. They wore me out with constant demands to be more extroverted, more enthusiastic, to Experience Revival, to sing louder, with more energy, with frenzy, to compete for attention at each meal, for Fun. Californians, and California adjacent youth cultures, I think, do worship a minor deity of Fun, to which they make sacrifices.
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