SkookumTree
1yr ago
The Hock is basically a homebrew form of psychological chemotherapy. Its aim is, among other things, to kill the neuroticism before it kills the human. Of course, chemotherapy administered and brewed by random jackasses is best described as 'risky as all hell'.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Hmm.
I do know a guy who said he'd no shit rather be beaten by asshole parents than have rather manipulative parents that are in many ways disconnected from reality and full of shit as well as pathologically controlling, but generally well-meaning. Yes, that IS just one guy...but that guy was a real dude. What I am arguing IS grotesque, and I think that the chance is fucking small but present. Also, you don't think I could set jaws competently? Damn, thought 'spergs were s'posed to be at least decent at engineer shit.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
I think I've always maintained that I am rather unattractive - just barely attractive enough to not experience desexualization, as the disability theorists define it. I've also said that my physical appearance does me no favors, but is not Quasimodo tier. There are a lot of ways to be unattractive, and it is not just physical appearance that does it. For me...if I had to pull some numbers out of my rear end, it's 2 or 3 parts awkwardness to 1 part physical appearance.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
It's a subtle difference: you'd said something like "1 in 20 women in a relationship with Awkward Andy are as bad off or worse than those being beat by Henry"; I'm saying "Dude, Henry sucks and is a terrible partner, but I'm open to the possibility that Andy sucks donkey balls in some weird way and is just as bad. Although exactly how has me fucking stumped."
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Do you have avalanche training?
No, but I've read some stuff online, does that count? Going to read some books on that.
What ski setup are you using?
Backcountry touring.
Do you have an ice axe, crampons, and screws?
Yes, or I will have these.
How's your downhill skiing ability
In high school, I was a mediocre ski racer; I can ski black terrain but not glades or moguls, at least not well at all. Hopefully that means something.
Can you still do it with open heels
I hope not to find out.
How many passes will you have to cross?
One, hopefully.
Thing is: if I started around Sagwon, and missed Arctic Village by ten miles due to a navigation error, I could potentially be fucked. If I start at Arctic Village, I just need to head in the general direction of the Dalton Highway, and I should be able to, as you said, flag down a passing truck. The plan is to hitchhike from wherever I finish the Hock (assuming I survive) back to Fairbanks.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Gasoline is the fuel I'll be buying in Arctic Village. The stove is only for melting snow for drinking water, not for warmth - using a liquid fuel stove for warmth seems like a rather impractical idea.
As for weight carried: something like 40 pounds on my back and another 40 to 60 in the sled.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
And yeah, this is depressing advice, but "lower your standards" may help.
Let's say my standards are something like...
- Not morbidly obese
- Can do basic hygiene
- Can work a job, any job; preferably employed
- Not a danger to herself or others
- Not addicted to any hard drugs
- Able to manage her own affairs
Is that realistic, for someone like me? Is that shooting too high? I hope not; I don't want to be running a goddamn nursing home in my household for someone whose choices were part of what led her to need that level of care. On the other hand, one of my classmates in medical school lived What's Eating Gilbert Grape and did okay for herself, so...
I don't see "can write courses on communication, extremely dedicated to being socially graceful, capable of gracefully enduring Hock-tier hardship and perhaps inspiring others to do the same" to be an impossible ask for a guy on the spectrum, for what it's worth. For example: I know ten guys who are 5'4" or shorter IRL. Only one managed to get a girlfriend who wasn't morbidly obese...or a danger to herself or others. He is, I shit you not, our class president, charismatic enough for a career in politics, and a future neurosurgeon. The four short residents I know are all focused on their careers unlike their average height and tall counterparts. Top 1 percent charisma + being on track for a million a year seems to be what it takes...although if you are OK with someone half again or twice your weight, and you're short, all you need is a body like a Greek God while being otherwise average. I'm talking...can compete in amateur physique bodybuilding competitions, like one of my college classmates. I don't think any of this is bad, for what it is worth.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
I mean, you're always going to have the prestige dialect of a language, spoken by the powerful and well connected...and then other separate dialects.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
how he is going to function as a medical doctor when he has such a one track delusional mind, autism and awkwardness, and ugliness to the point that no one can stand to look at him (so he claims).
I am 20th percentile for physical appearance or so. Not deformed, but decidedly below average. As far as bedside manner: that is...okay. Not bad, although it used to be. It is possible that the attendings I've talked to are now simply blowing smoke up my autistic ass for some reason. I can't think of why they would do so now and wouldn't do so a year or two ago.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
It's basically just a backcountry ski trip with more complicated logistics than doing it in Maine or Minnesota.
Also quite a bit colder at least than Maine; Minnesota can sometimes get as cold. I know that people use Ely, Minnesota as a training ground for polar expedition training. Fifty degrees below zero is no joke. As far as the airlift, bush pilots are expensive and I plan on carrying gasoline with me as stove fuel, so I'll be leaving from Arctic Village and attempting to reach the town of Sagwon.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Having values you are willing to die for is getting badly translated into Being willing to die for something gives it/you value.
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Human life has value: the economists put it at around $10 million per head, if we're talking about Americans.
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Things are worth what we sacrifice to get them.
Therefore it seems self-evident that a thing has value because someone is willing to die for it: that person, even if he's a deranged lunatic, has staked his life on that thing. The value of it has been upped to "one deranged lunatic" from whatever it was before.
Also, I know damn well that the Hock is dumb and that people becoming aware that I've completed the Hock is not going to do much for me. I think that the Hock is going to irreversibly alter my character and personality, though, and that's what I'm after. I'll carry myself differently (I hope) after surviving the Hock...
Hmm. Let me say something about my reasoning.
When I was 11, I feared [redacted] happening to me - a fate which most of you on the Motte would agree is a terrible one. I believed that skill at public speaking and rhetoric could reduce my odds of suffering this fate, so I practiced diligently in front of a mirror. I did this for a few years.
I was never nervous about any presentation I ever gave after that. Why would I be? Blow a school presentation, and what's the worst that happens? I get a C? If I'm really unlucky, a fistfight with some asshole bully that's probably going to leave no more than bruises? Laughable. I also became an excellent public speaker - better than say 99 percent of high school or college students. Any time there was a speech or presentation that needed to be given, my classmates and the faculty would agree that I was the best in say my classroom of 25, and by a pretty decent margin.
I had just been training in earnest for a goddamn rhetoric Hock, and it had benefits in other areas - such as being genuinely confident and unafraid when presenting and public speaking. Also it made me a decent if overwrought writer. Why fear being rejected or making a fool of yourself, when you've just stared death by avalanche or hypothermia or wild animals in the face day after day?
As far as frivolity: that is the point. The Hock is just pointless Twitter drama writ large and played out in the Alaskan wilderness.
I do have a question for you - have you ever survived any kind of life and death shit like war or something like that? I haven't, and I'm sorry if the question is offensive. If it is, it's probably offensive for its trite meaninglessness and dumbass attempt to ask about shit that you have to be there to know anything about.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
1 in 20 chance that a woman in a relationship with such a man suffers more than a woman in a relationship with a man who literally beats her up (yes, really).
No. I said I was like 95% certain that a woman in a relationship with such a man suffers much less than a woman in a relationship with a man who literally beats her up. The other 5 percent is basically some devil's advocate stuff like "maybe he is so incompetent socially that he makes her isolated and miserable, and that's worse than being beat up" or some stuff like that. It most definitely can be very charitably considered a stretch; I'm simply leaving the option open that there is some very non-obvious way that Awkward Andy is a worse partner than that Henry guy from Radicalizing the Romanceless. Personally, I'm stumped, Andy's got to be better as a partner than Henry and Henry's just a fucking con man to Andy's crap marketing. However, I was sort of hoping that someone here would come up with some eloquent argument for how Awkward Andy sucks rotting donkey balls as a partner in a way that is very much not obvious at first glance. I can't think of it, to be honest, although admit to perhaps being unable to grok just how Awkward Andy might suck in some sort of weird illegible way that ultimately cashes out to worse than being in an ER with a black eye and broken arm courtesy of Henry.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Hmm. My questions are rather obscure, but someone might be able to give me some advice here. I do have them - I've just been asking them on different forums. I've been putting off writing to people that have completed the Brooks Range Wilderness Ski Classic - I need to get on that, thanks for reminding me.
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What type of snow is commonly found in the Brooks Range in Northern Alaska? I've heard that it was generally homogenous depth hoar or sugar snow, but don't know for sure. If it is depth hoar, is it possible to pile a lot of it up, pack it down with skis, and build a snow cave or quinzee out of it? For what it's worth, I built more than a few of these as a kid.
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How common are avalanches in that area, given the snow conditions? I am guessing not uncommon; most of the trip will be on the flat but there is going to be a mountain/pass crossing involved.
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How likely are bear encounters in Arctic Village or Sagwon in February? I know that bears should be hibernating at that time, and polar bears rarely travel that far south.
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River travel: I've read that travel on the Sheenjek River is dangerous when it is 10 below zero, but safe when it is 40 below. Much of the water in the Sheenjek River comes from upwelling groundwater, and this erodes any ice that forms. Are other rivers in this region of Alaska fueled by upwelling groundwater and similarly dangerous? If they are - how do you tell that you're on a river (vs. flat ground) and how do you balance this hazard vs. avalanche hazard?
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Generally speaking, is the avalanche danger any greater or less in March in this region than it is in February?
I suppose that I might also want to post about some items I'm interested in purchasing. Namely, men's medium or large 8000-meter expedition grade down pants and a sleeping bag rated to 40 degrees below zero. Also, a Primus OmniLite stove pump. I wouldn't exactly suspect any of y'all have this kind of esoteric and specialized shit just laying around.
I hope that I'm at least at Chris McCandless tier here.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Autistic guys can slay.
Maybe if they're fairly good looking, tall, and insanely dedicated - I'm talking at least as determined as a Navy SEAL. Since they were in single digits. The kind of person that could write courses on communication and facial expressions. The kind of person that makes a social blunder once a decade while sober. The kind of person that can inspire people, ironically, to endure Hock-level privation for no good goddamn reason. As far as I'm concerned, every word and gesture a neurotypical makes is a performance not much less graceful than that of a concert pianist or professional ballet dancer, and they can often inspire people to endure immense hardship in order to make them happy.
As far as positive comments: people almost unanimously said that it was stupid; many had respect for it but thought it was no less stupid.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
hmm. The hock is indirectly going to help me have charm, poise, and cool. After you've almost died in the fucking alaskan wilderness, a lot of things seem trivial by comparison. I hope I'll be more determined, more conscientious, and less neurotic. I suppose it'd be good if the least graceful five percent or so of teenagers decided to undertake a challenge as dangerous as the Hock, although everyone rolls their own Hock. Doesn't have to be wilderness, even.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
UMC: upper middle class
And why are you fundamentally willing to die over your awkwardness?
Personal convictions.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
You do fully understand that completing the Hock will not make you not awkward? It won't directly or indirectly help awkwardness at all.
It will potentially make me more conscientious: the attitude that lets me survive the Hock might let me pay a shitload of attention in social situations so I don't miss anything.
Do you understand that it will make you only slightly more attractive to women? Slightly and in a very limited way, which will be quickly undone and reversed if you try to milk it.
Yes. The Hock is going to freeze most or all of the hypocrisy off of me, but not much of the awkwardness. I'll probably be less neurotic.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Women’s suffrage happened first in states where there were less women.
Wasn't that due to powerful madams getting women the right to vote in places like Wyoming?
SkookumTree
1yr ago
I spoke to a friend earlier today. She could tell I was on the spectrum but found it hard to describe exactly what made it apparent to her. After talking a while, she said that I always paused before I said something, or before I smiled. It was probably that deliberateness that was a tell. She did make it clear that there was nothing I had done (or failed to do) that was offensive in any way, although I'm reasonably sure that there's proto-offensive shit that doesn't rise to the level of conscious thought and is difficult, but not impossible, to put into words. Ekman and his team might be able to do it.
I also don't think all that many people can put into words the things that I do or say that make people think I'm autistic, or that offend people. If I had to guess, maybe ten percent of psychiatrists or psychologists, and maybe one average person in a few hundred.
I still think that a true UMC gentleman - like aristocracy in ages past - has things that they are fundamentally willing to die over. Like, a lot of duels were fought over things like "honor". I'm well aware that there were plenty of off-ramps in the dueling process that allowed both participants to be satisfied gentlemen. In the case of pistol duels the duelists didn't always shoot straight, and dueling pistols weren't usually that accurate. Even so, quite a few promising young gentlemen met a premature end on the dueling ground.
As a Hockist: perhaps a decent ideal to strive for is better to die than do your utmost to be graceful. It seems fitting and proper for an awkward person to adopt this as an ideal...at least until he is no longer awkward. The Hock is an idiotic and meaningless way to prove that I've got a high level of grit and determination.
I'm also guessing that many of you would think that my view of the 'UMC gentleman' - or the 'petty aristocracy' he described of people with two college educated parents - is out of whack and some fever-dream cross between Japanese bushido and what we think Victorian-era gentlemanly conduct was. And that if pressed, maybe a couple of awkward UMC dudes in a hundred would go on the Hock even if they were guaranteed to not be awkward after.
What's your take?
SkookumTree
1yr ago
I am like 95% sure that it's better for the woman to be in a relationship with the nice but awkward and kind of ugly dude. The 5 percent is basically me wondering if there was some very non-obvious way that the nice, awkward guy sucks as a partner; "treats her right" I am kind of doubtful about but we'll say that he doesn't hit her or yell at her and genuinely tries to be a good dude. Maybe he's not all that effective at it, but his heart's in the right place.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
There are almost certainly anatomically and mentally normal women who would happily date you if you keep working out and dress decently, especially since you'll be a doctor unless the Hock kills you.
Yes, I am well aware that there are desperately poor women in Cambodia or Thailand or hell, rural India who would date a man they are deeply and viscerally disgusted by in order to pull themselves and their families out of crushing Third World poverty. This is one hell of a sacrifice, I admire the hell out of that kind of resolve, and I don't think I'm worthy of it. I've met maybe a handful of people that are...maybe one percent of the population? Two? I'd sure as hell say that most of the people reading this ain't worthy of that, even though I think most people here are fine people and decent human beings.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
Typically when a person recognises that their belief is offensive, ridiculous and wrong, they stop believing in it as a result.
I don't believe this. I think that being in a physically abusive relationship is a good deal worse than being with an autistic guy that genuinely tries hard to be a good dude and is functional enough to hold a decent job. However, what I'm willing to consider is that there might be extremely non-obvious ways in which a relationship with our autistic hero sucks donkey balls.
Note that your claim that loneliness is as bad as 15 cigarettes a day directly contradicts your earlier repeated claim that it's better for a woman to be alone than to be in a relationship with an unattractive, awkward man. You can't have it both ways.
No, it's very possible to be lonely AF while in a relationship.
SkookumTree
1yr ago
She is still going to be disgusted twice over, as I am now: by my unattractiveness, and by my hypocrisy. Why not attempt the Hock and if I survive, marry a Filipina or a Columbian? I also kind of like the idea that awkward or unattractive people - especially awkward and unattractive men - should choose their own Hock or at least seriously consider it. The pointlessness is the point.
Yeah, fair enough, my family's basically bush league new money at best.
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