janeerie
Normie quokka
User ID: 713
janeerie
10mo ago
It allows people to choose how they want to live their lives. Many will make bad choices, many will be less happy than they otherwise would be, but one of my basic values is liberty/self determination. You may not value this as highly, in which case you would prefer stricter gender roles.
Women's lives used to be extremely constrained, with no opportunity to explore their potential. That's no way to treat half the world's humans.
janeerie
7mo ago
WTF is the Hock? Every time you mention it here, I google it and only learn about horse legs.
janeerie
6mo ago
I had this since I was a little girl. I don't think there's anything terribly strange about it; childbirth is an extremely painful and scary process. I don' t know that it was the main reason I didn't want to have children, but it was in the mix. When I decided I did want to have a child, it was because the pro reasons finally outweighed the cons.
I ended up having a natural birth. It was traumatic but I got through, though I wasn't interested in doing it again. A few months later, a friend of mine died in childbirth. Like I said, this shit is scary and it's pretty reasonable to be afraid of it.
janeerie
8mo ago
I'm a married mom who hangs out here, and I've lately been enjoying Megan Daum's Unspeakeasy forum. It's expensive, but often feels like The Motte for Her. Of course, the posts aren't quite so long because we have shit to do :D
janeerie
9mo ago
I feel the same way, and so arguments like this are puzzling to me. I find the idea of an afterlife incredibly disturbing, and felt that way even when I was a Christian. At the time though, I did enjoy feeling that there was a God looking out for me.
janeerie
9mo ago
For a woman, a bit dumb and indicative of low self-esteem?
This nails it (cf. my 20-something self). I don't think morality comes into play so much as just poor decision-making. I'd say most woman grow out of it eventually, so it seems odd to judge one for her past.
janeerie
10mo ago
I'm not going to assert that men or women had a great deal of liberty in the past, but there were still a much larger range of options open for men than women. Are you really going to argue that men and women had equal opportunity to higher education, the professions, property ownership, and elected office before the mid-Twentieth Century?
Yes, it's very nice that women didn't have to go to war and were allowed to donate their time to social movements, but they were the property of their fathers and husbands and had nothing of their own. That is the life of a child, not an adult.
janeerie
5mo ago
It's so interesting that you and JulianRota say that this person is unlikely to work with a trans person. Perhaps it depends on what industry you are in, but in tech I've worked with quite a few trans women. Go to a "women in tech" conference and it will be half the crowd (ok, not really, but it sometimes feels like it).
I have not worked with any trans men, so it's likely they are all in non-profits somewhere.
janeerie
2mo ago
That is weird. I've had two therapists who I saw for a few months each, and they both were pretty clear about addressing my problem and getting me out of there. I did screen for serious CBTers though.
janeerie
8mo ago
Hi, I'm your wife.
Well, not really, but you sound just like my husband. I don't assign him tasks because he's not my child, but I hate that I have to do most things myself.
Why don't you just do stuff when it needs to be done? It's very easy to say "It doesn't need to be done now; I'll get to it later." My father-in-law does this all the time also. But then these things never actually get done. As with the example of the plane tickets, the sooner you buy them the better, so you should do it as soon as your travel plans are finalized.
It seems you understand this and the real question is how to make yourself do things, but the only answer to that is to just do them. I'm very curious why this is a stumbling block. Do you think of tasks and just have other things you'd rather do? How important are those other things? Do you just forget about tasks (in which case you need to be ok with your wife reminding you)?
janeerie
2mo ago
2 things: The first was realizing that I was approaching the world with the mindset that everybody hated me and thought I was a loser. I decided to pretend instead that everybody was my friend, and surprise surprise, people respond to that and I started to believe it myself. I flipped that switch when I was 17, and it still serves me well.
The second is less inspiring - an SSRI. I started taking if for panic and found it did wonders for my social anxiety also.
janeerie
3mo ago
I'm curious what your current job is? I think the best course would be to do something along those lines as a freelancer, but I suppose that's not possible for all professions.
My mom was a SAHM and did a lot of volunteer work, which I always thought would be a nice choice if I had to go that way. It can be a good way to pick up skills that will come in handy later.
janeerie
7mo ago
- Extroversion: 11
- Emotional stability: 52
- Agreeableness: 62
- Conscientiousness: 98
- Intellect/Imagination: 91
I am the queen of conscientiousness! Now please excuse me as I get back to organizing my pen collection.
janeerie
9mo ago
That's exactly it. I have a terrible fear of eternity and the infinite. Makes my mind want to crawl into a little hole and shut down.
janeerie
11mo ago
I would be interested in #4. I am in a divided marriage and I don't see many people even attempting it anymore. I was pregnant in 2016, which is probably the main thing that kept us together during the Trump madness.
janeerie
6d ago
I fear I'm making this sound worse than it is. I really don't have to do anything for her; it just annoys me that she is wasting her life while other lives are too short (my own mom died when she was 45). If things do get to the point where she requires actual physical care, I plan to bring in the professionals and give my sisters-in-law the primary responsibility.
She's actually from Utah, where we live now. We moved here a couple of years ago so she could be close to her daughters who all live here. She does get a bit misty when we visit the local steakhouse :D
janeerie
22d ago
Oh, I'm so happy for you! I've always enjoyed your posts, and I'm glad you now have more time to dwell on other thoughts, rather than exams. It seems you get down on yourself at times, and I hope this gives you a boost of confidence.
janeerie
22d ago
I'm the same - I enjoyed it for a couple of years in college and then it just became a panic attack trigger. I'm always amazed that some people are able to use it as a treatment for anxiety.
janeerie
6mo ago
It's funny - there are many women who are offended by the very idea of artificial wombs, to the point where I think it's a minority position to be ok with them. I have a hard time understanding that.
janeerie
7mo ago
Yoshi's Crafted World has a great co-op mode. My son and I played it a lot when he was around 4, and he then moved onto just playing by himself. There are also good Kirby co-op games, like Kirby and the Forgotten Land. Basically, a Nintendo Switch is going to get you pretty far.
janeerie
8mo ago
It's not anonymous, which means everybody treats each other as human and there's more of a sense of a community. I'd say the overarching mood is anti-woke, but there's no lockstep thinking and any disagreement is done with respect. Also, while there is a good amount of culture war discussion, any topic is welcome and gets decent engagement.
Not sure where you live, but there are also in-person meetups (along with the official Unspeakeasy retreats).
janeerie
8mo ago
Yeah, it seems to be quite a bit easier for widowers to remarry, and they are more motivated to remarry than widows. My best friend and I both lost our mothers when we were young and our dads quickly remarried—I think because they wanted someone to take care of the kids. I'd be surprised if single fathers are even really a thing.
janeerie
9mo ago
How about their present? How do they act now? How do they treat you and others?
When I met my husband, I never asked him about his history. I just observed how he behaved in our relationship. Seems pretty simple to me.
My husband's parents live with us, and I am going a little nuts dealing with his mother. She is 81, obese, and can barely walk at this point. She sleeps about 16 hours a day, and there are many days that will go by without her coming upstairs (their bedroom and tv room are in the basement). And yet, I can see her going on like this for another 10 years or so. Hooray for modern medicine!
I have to remind myself to detach emotionally and not get frustrated with her. But what particularly bothers me is how it limits the life of my father-in-law. He used to have a job at the grocery store that he loved, but she didn't like being alone, so he quit and now just sits and watches tv with her all day. We're trying to plan a trip to Spain (where he's from), but have to figure out what to do with her because she refuses to go.
I guess I'm struggling to figure out how much of this is coming from her body not working anymore, and how much is just depression (she did spend some time in a mental hospital about 15 years ago and is on Lexapro, which doesn't seem to be doing much). And what do you do when somebody is unwilling to make any moves to help themselves get something out of life? She's just waiting around to die at this point and I hate watching it.
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