janeerie
Normie quokka
User ID: 713
janeerie
11mo ago
Thirded. I have an anxiety disorder and have experienced all of these. Heck, I'm having a few right now, even though I've got this crap pretty much under control. It's also extremely likely that such a distressing physical event would spark panic attacks.
Find yourself a good SSRI!
janeerie
11mo ago
One thing I'm curious about is if you ever have trouble getting your child to listen to you and follow through on the work. My son lives in mortal fear of disappointing his teacher, which serves us well, but I feel like I would end up in a constant battle of wills if I was teaching him. Just trying to get him to do extra practice on things at home is like pulling teeth.
janeerie
11mo ago
Yes, I would be extremely put off by either of these suggestions. God, I am so glad I don't have to date anymore.
janeerie
11mo ago
I love the Producers theory and I would love to see a movie made one day of this scenario.
janeerie
11mo ago
I have never heard of this before! It looks like you can't get it in the US, which is curious.
janeerie
10mo ago
The story of my life, and it's a great recipe for developing health anxiety. Mass media stories about health conditions are the worst. Oh, women's heart attacks sometimes just present as back pain? Guess I'll freak out every time my shoulder hurts then!
janeerie
10mo ago
It allows people to choose how they want to live their lives. Many will make bad choices, many will be less happy than they otherwise would be, but one of my basic values is liberty/self determination. You may not value this as highly, in which case you would prefer stricter gender roles.
Women's lives used to be extremely constrained, with no opportunity to explore their potential. That's no way to treat half the world's humans.
janeerie
10mo ago
I'm not going to assert that men or women had a great deal of liberty in the past, but there were still a much larger range of options open for men than women. Are you really going to argue that men and women had equal opportunity to higher education, the professions, property ownership, and elected office before the mid-Twentieth Century?
Yes, it's very nice that women didn't have to go to war and were allowed to donate their time to social movements, but they were the property of their fathers and husbands and had nothing of their own. That is the life of a child, not an adult.
janeerie
10mo ago
Perhaps another way of phrasing this is that if you look at the set of humans throughout history, the ones who have traditionally been able to self-actualize have been men. This does not mean all men were in this position, but woman were much more limited in their opportunities to do so. There was a ceiling that men could surpass and women could not. Pointing out that many men were stuck in their position doesn't contradict that.
The original prompt for this discussion (and the context for my comment) was "How has the reduction of the strictness of roles that modernity has brought on improved things for people?" My answer to that was that is has removed the ceiling for women. I can now go to University, pursue my chosen profession, control my own finances, etc. 19th century me would not have had these options.
janeerie
10mo ago
I had a difficult time the first time I watched The Return because I had such a strong desire to see the old characters I loved and have things resolved (silly summer child!). I watched it again a bit later and really enjoyed it as something different.
janeerie
10mo ago
We just started the Expanse and finished episode 2 last night. Can't tell you how relieved I am to hear it gets better!
janeerie
9mo ago
For a woman, a bit dumb and indicative of low self-esteem?
This nails it (cf. my 20-something self). I don't think morality comes into play so much as just poor decision-making. I'd say most woman grow out of it eventually, so it seems odd to judge one for her past.
janeerie
9mo ago
How about their present? How do they act now? How do they treat you and others?
When I met my husband, I never asked him about his history. I just observed how he behaved in our relationship. Seems pretty simple to me.
janeerie
9mo ago
I feel the same way, and so arguments like this are puzzling to me. I find the idea of an afterlife incredibly disturbing, and felt that way even when I was a Christian. At the time though, I did enjoy feeling that there was a God looking out for me.
janeerie
9mo ago
That's exactly it. I have a terrible fear of eternity and the infinite. Makes my mind want to crawl into a little hole and shut down.
janeerie
9mo ago
I love existing! But I love existing in this world that I know. Existing in some other form could be terrible and that's very scary to me.
janeerie
8mo ago
Yeah, it seems to be quite a bit easier for widowers to remarry, and they are more motivated to remarry than widows. My best friend and I both lost our mothers when we were young and our dads quickly remarried—I think because they wanted someone to take care of the kids. I'd be surprised if single fathers are even really a thing.
janeerie
8mo ago
Hi, I'm your wife.
Well, not really, but you sound just like my husband. I don't assign him tasks because he's not my child, but I hate that I have to do most things myself.
Why don't you just do stuff when it needs to be done? It's very easy to say "It doesn't need to be done now; I'll get to it later." My father-in-law does this all the time also. But then these things never actually get done. As with the example of the plane tickets, the sooner you buy them the better, so you should do it as soon as your travel plans are finalized.
It seems you understand this and the real question is how to make yourself do things, but the only answer to that is to just do them. I'm very curious why this is a stumbling block. Do you think of tasks and just have other things you'd rather do? How important are those other things? Do you just forget about tasks (in which case you need to be ok with your wife reminding you)?
janeerie
8mo ago
Yeah, the ticket thing is a real "it depends" situation, but generally good to get on it sooner and have a plan (I would love to see a post from you on how to decide when to buy).
Deciding what actually needs to get done is another tricky one, going back to the age-old conflict of people with different standards of cleanliness. I don't think I'm too much of a clean freak, but I do think that visible dirt and stains on the floor should be cleaned up. I am apparently alone in my household in thinking this, so I have to clean them up. It's very easy for family members/roommates to coast on the back of the person who is most bothered by dirt and clutter.
I suppose you could make an argument that dirt and clutter are not objectively bad, and I'm not sure I'd have a really great counter-argument at hand, but it's hard for me personally to live with it.
janeerie
8mo ago
I'm a married mom who hangs out here, and I've lately been enjoying Megan Daum's Unspeakeasy forum. It's expensive, but often feels like The Motte for Her. Of course, the posts aren't quite so long because we have shit to do :D
janeerie
8mo ago
I joined at launch (when it was $100) because I was familiar with Megan and really liked her work. The membership roster is definitely journalist-heavy, which implies a network effect.
janeerie
8mo ago
It's not anonymous, which means everybody treats each other as human and there's more of a sense of a community. I'd say the overarching mood is anti-woke, but there's no lockstep thinking and any disagreement is done with respect. Also, while there is a good amount of culture war discussion, any topic is welcome and gets decent engagement.
Not sure where you live, but there are also in-person meetups (along with the official Unspeakeasy retreats).
janeerie
7mo ago
- Extroversion: 11
- Emotional stability: 52
- Agreeableness: 62
- Conscientiousness: 98
- Intellect/Imagination: 91
I am the queen of conscientiousness! Now please excuse me as I get back to organizing my pen collection.
I would be interested in #4. I am in a divided marriage and I don't see many people even attempting it anymore. I was pregnant in 2016, which is probably the main thing that kept us together during the Trump madness.
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