reo
21d ago
Sorry. No. The two i was referring to were
(1) Passing the Exam and,
(2) reaching the stage of saying "i love you" to a woman.
But I'm not that far gone, it turns out my heart was only shriveled because it was waiting for rain.
Change is the only constant.
reo
21d ago
the sequence of two major events happening back-to-back appears like some sort of things falling into their respective places. maybe they are connected, maybe they aren't.
when you’ve spent enough time losing...
but it is really a good thing that instead of feeling completely cynical or apathy, you still are able to feel things intensely. keeps you human! with warts and all.
significant escalation of the stakes. I’m really hoping this works out...
possibly your saturnian saadhe-saati has finished. or maybe it is in middle. you can only what is in your hands, and cannot always direct the outcomes completely. and it is fun too (at least in retrospect).
girte hai shehsavaar maidan-e-jung me, wo tifl kya girega jo ghutno ke bal chale (only the great soldier on horse can fall, not the toddler who crawls on his knees). even if the soldier falls, then he can get up. again. and again. the forks in life are definitely exciting when you don't know which way you would flow into.
taken enough hits lately
those sound like more elaborate stories. with the kind of writing you do, definitely would be very very interesting. and you do have the next exam planned.
A mishmash of books:
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Tactical Barbell II (K. Black)- possibly the most useful and practical book on Conditioning. this is IMO a must read.
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Burn Math Class (Jason Wilkes) - for learning maths. Starts with basic addition rule and takes you to calculus level in a fun, engaging manner with a maturity. It is not kiddish stuff. Great writing as well as great mathing. Unputdownable. I hope this guy churns out more such books.
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One Rough Man (Brad Taylor): Pure spy-action thrillers. just like Vince Vaughn's (Mitch Rapp series), or the JRs (Jack Reacher, Jack Ryan, etc.). Currently, I am on number 9 in the series. (yeah, it isn't brainy stuff matching the main thrust of this forum, or intellectual stuff like in rest of this post and its replies; but i am loving it and recommend it with full force). Whenever there is dull point in my reading, kind of feel lost or too heavy or too disorented, I come back to something like this genre to get the full pleasure of reading for reading purpose, and not for some "improvement" or "great thinking" or "deep understanding". Pure Joy. it is similar in intent to A Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge, which I liked too, mentioned elsewhere in this thread.
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The Dragon in the Sea by Frank Herbert: very limited cast, but very tense thriller. early work of Herbert (much before Dune). very enjoyable.
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Spandrell's Blog: from first to last article. Including Bioleninism. Lot of interesting stories and a different, ?more realistic, worldview. Very engaging style. Highly recommend. Had read about him in this forum only, about his essays (don't remember the original post).
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The Cicada and The Bird - a new translation of Chuang Tzu (Christopher Tricker): the only book which initiated me properly into the stories of Chuang Tzu (/Zhuangzi). It is a reorganized translation and explanation of the seven Inner Chapters of Chuang Tzu. Plus some other stories from later chapters. IMO, his take is the single best introduction to Chuang Tzu (who arguably is the greatest philosopher).
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Whatever and Submission by Michel Houellebecq (English translations): former is a depressing read, and I didn't feel very good about it. but the writing is powerful and hooks you up. Latter is a very famous novel about a fictional story of how islam will take over France- it does have the feel of Whatever and the plot is very realistic, makes it very readable and definitely must-read in a CW context also.
reo
27d ago
How do people write such long and well-written posts in the CW (or elsewhere in this forum)? What is the mindset and process?
Personally for me, it takes a long time to understand the various things said in a long post, and then to assimilate with my understanding, to put myself in the place of the author to understand that viewpoint, and then to assess both sides (if they are incongruent) - and then to write a reply back equally well and then do this back and forth. Sorry, i am lost. If someone can clear this for me, I will be very grateful. [it is a bit 'embarrassing to ask' question, because in general, i consider myself to be fairly smart, even prideful].
reo
28d ago
Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.
will say few things:
- don't hold back yourself (depraved prose is good beginning).
- such uber rides are rides of a lifetime (whatever may happen in the future).
- don't psychoanalyse deeply - let yourself flow. not yourself, and not her. not past, not future.
reo
29d ago
- very well written - engaging, delicious, could not leave it midway.
- horrible themes to write about so openly. horrible because they have so much truth in them. reality about human nature but all the bad ones about it. manipulation, lies, secrets, no-trust. but still very humanly connected.
- i was constantly thinking about SMH_the_writer, SMH_the_character, Girl, and Me (the Reader). Dogs the central axis of the story. While the Poor and Rich guys are the pillars to swing between for the Girl. The dynamics of SMH writer and character was most fascinating. Because it constantly reminded me of my own boredom, my own looking around for people or other's life situations in distress, so that i can try to be the white knight, the rescuer, the solution provider, the philosophical guru who has all the answers for others (but almost none for myself). And it was a painful reminder.
- I didn't want to post earlier because i was trying to process those feelings rather than try to be the knowledgeable / philosophical / more smarter (I am not, not, not) person who could point out the flaws of SMH the character or the girl or the two guys. and ultimately, i went back (to try) to understand myself by my own reactions and feelings and thoughts while reading this.
- i can only thank you for showing me, the reader, a mirror. (ignore if this doesn't make much sense).
reo
1mo ago
that beer would be forever etched in your good memory. i am glad that you passed in flying colors.
reo
1mo ago
Lila is much better, IMO, if you want full description of his MoQ (Metaphysics of Quality). But ZAMM has much better metaphors (like Gumptionology, Newton's gravity, and so many others).
Edit: it is a type of an extensive honor/shame phenomenon which is cross-cultural across times and geographies. and it does have a positive effect (even if the news articles show its negative effects, which IMO most news articles highlight).
reo
1mo ago
But it would be kinder and more honest of her to say that Actions speaker louder than words. One needs to understand (and accept) those, rather than wait for explicit words.
Perhaps she doesn't even know herself very possible (i would say likely). which is why, actions should be taken by the OP to shake things out into the open.
reo
2mo ago
Nah. When I am well prepared, I want the hardest paper. Best way to flush out the laggards.
reo
2mo ago
if you prepared well, then may the exam paper be tough. if you prepared less, then may the exam paper be lenient.
with complete effort, attain victory.
reo
2mo ago
Jacob Lund Fisker - of ERE (earlyretirementextreme.com). The link I have already shared above.
This isn't supposed to be a friendship. From OP's POV, this is a nearly done deal for companionship barring 1 or 2 major issues. and if you think that she is treating him as a friend, then also it doesn't fit. who wants to live together with a friend (unless FWB) and then also, the person who feels that this is a friendship only from her side would explain to the other person that she has friendzoned him clearly, so that the friend (OP) doesn't get hurt. So, this is definitely not real friendship.
We've discussed living together, and we both agree to the idea in principle
She does not drive, and will not accept living somewhere that does not have ubiquitous, reliable transportation.
While our attempts to find a home together
She tells me she misses me, and that she wishes we could be together.
In her new reasoning, she claims that the issue is about career concerns. She works in service , but my area has a raging hospitality industry. When she lived here, she would make as much money during tourist season as she does in a year in $(CITY).
reo
2mo ago
JLF does it at much lesser amount. You need to go through the ERE forums. $15k a year excluding rent and medicaid is not dirt poor, imo.
reo
2mo ago
In addition to what DradisPing has mentioned, I would recommend two blogs:
- Spandrell (aka Bloodyshovel) essays - presently at spandrell.ch (has a book/ebook too). Eg post is BioLeninism.
- Aidan's blog - can check on internet archive. The text without the comments is also available.
reo
2mo ago
I do agree with this post of SubstantialFrivolity.
My psychological hypothesis based on your entire post is: Her insistence on (1) independent (2) city travel is to keep her options open for finding a better partner. Reasons for this hypothesis are:
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Reluctance to sacrifice independence: she strongly resists any move which can reduce her independent mobility (and does not even consider viable alternatives like depend upon you, or e-bikes, or ride-shares). The plausible reason (hidden or otherwise) is that the City offers proximity to social, professional, and romantic networks (much greater optionality).
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Shifting the Goalpost: when the public transport thing was apparently solved, she produced new problems like career prospects. This to me, is the most weighted option for my hypothesis.
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Optionality in this Relationship: even after a decade, she seems to be very comfortable in the current arrangement ("she misses him" but faces no urgency to create a shared future or overcome the distance). Why? Because somewhere deep inside, she doesn't want to be dependent to the current partner. Particularly, not at cost of Reason 1 above.
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The tendency to "Have the Best Possible Mate": If a woman perceives that her current partner is her best realistic option, then she tends to be highly motivated to secure and "lock-in" the relationship (as fast as practically possible). She would be the one to push for togetherness, ready to face inconveniences, and make it work (at any cost). Not make excuses. Since she is stalling and does not show any kind of initiative, consciously or not, she does not consider You as her highest value prospect. (sorry).
In short, while no one (IMO, not even herself) can know her motivations, the sustained lack of initiative from her side, resistance to any inconveniences from her side (even when you are doing the most you can do), intense preference for independent mobility with city independence- all these point towards a mindset of having more options, knowingly or unknowingly.
A woman truly deeply in love and fully invested in a man almost never has such a defensive option-preserving posture over a decade (I really don't believe that). Such a woman would be showing real intent and decisive movement towards union (across any situation), never endless hesitation and new excuses.
This is not to say that I am saying she is bad. But these are her priorities, shown by her actions (actions speak louder than words). They are what they are.
OTOH, you have worked hard to keep this relationship alive, making extreme (to your limits and beyond them also) emotional and logistical sacrifices to try to find solutions to practical obstacles. The demonstration of level of commitment from both sides are lopsided (to say the least). You deserve a relationship where both partners are eager and willing to build a life together - sometimes one side does more and equally number of times the other side does more (never one side goes on doing and doing and the other side never / minimally does). And this relationship does not appear to be anywhere near that level. Accepting this does mean someone has to be blamed (not her, not yourself) - it is what it is. It means to free yourself from trying to fit a round peg in a square hole and actually try to find the kind of relationship / partnership which is mutual, honest, and fulfilling for both sides. Wishing you courage and clarity to decide what is right for you.
reo
2mo ago
what part of "I'm dirt poor" is not getting through?
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because I didn't get that in the original post. I apologise if you feel hurt by the suggestion, but it was not my intention. My intention was just that you get sunlight and not stay in a snowy area.
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maybe you need to look at MMM or ERE to get help in how to navigate with poor income.
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What is your actual income level?
reo
2mo ago
So be it. Everybody's suffering (or whatever equivalent) is going to end by their respective deaths. Nothing new in that. But you can meanwhile change the way of suffering.
Since you are in for winters in a temperate/snowy place, why not suffer for 1 month (or 1 week minimum) in some sunny tropical place, just taking in the sun. No other goal, no need for tourism, no need to do something or achieve something. Complete free, unorganized, wandering. Pick a simple (cheap) B&B kind of place and go out all day - come back in night - sleep - repeat (go in to the markets, beach, anything).
i feel that is a deeply tender phrase. to me, all the previous exchanges and phrases suggest to me that:
so, look at things from a holistic point - you are on a strong footing and you should forge your path ahead as you feel right with eyes and ears and heart open.
let the shriveled heart drink rain; but never forget that your roots are green.
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