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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   1489 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for November 19, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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In a 100-page court opinion, six of the New Jersey Supreme Court's seven justices go on a deep dive regarding SBS/AHT (shaken-baby syndrome/abusive head trauma), and conclude that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support the pronouncement of the prosecutor's expert witness that "the only explanation for the children's symptoms, to a reasonable degree of medical certainty, was that the children were shaken by the caregivers" (in these two consolidated cases, the children's fathers).

The State has not met its burden of establishing general acceptance in the relevant scientific communities because the research, studies, and testimony presented at the hearing reflect a lack of general acceptance in the biomechanical community regarding SBS/AHT without impact [as opposed to shaking with impact]. There is evidence of general acceptance by many in the medical community, but the State must also establish general acceptance in the biomechanical community, and it has failed to do so.

Surely, if there is physical evidence of trauma to a child or other evidence of abuse, the State can present such evidence to a jury. And, if new, reliable, scientific evidence is developed, the State can, of course, in a future case, make a showing under the Daubert standard this Court adopted in Olenowski I, that expert testimony regarding SBS/AHT without impact is reliable. In such a case, scientific evidence and research, both old and new, could be presented and considered. Science is constantly evolving, so the door is not forever closed on making such a showing of reliability

There is no dispute that child abuse is a serious and unacceptably cruel act against the most vulnerable and innocent in our society. There is no dispute that, when a young child presents at a hospital or other medical facility with symptoms including subdural hematomas, retinal hemorrhages, and encephalopathy, such symptoms present a worrisome and urgent situation. No one disputes that medical professionals, including pediatricians, radiologists, neurologists, neurosurgeons, ophthalmologists, and more perform admirable work every single day to care for severely ill children who present with the symptoms associated with SBS/AHT.

The question before this Court, however, is whether the State has met its burden of proving that an expert should be allowed to take the witness stand and testify, not only about the injuries observed on a child through medical examinations and tests, but also that the only explanation for those injuries is child abuse. We hold that the State has not met that burden, and that Dr. Medina's testimony is therefore unreliable and inadmissible at trial.

The lone dissenting justice spends another fifty pages arguing (inter alia) that (1) SBS/AHT is far more scientific than the other medical diagnoses that have been rejected by the court under the same standard (identifiable character traits common to rapists, voiceprint analysis, estimating a person's height from the size of his shoes, hypnotically refreshed testimony, child sexual abuse accommodation syndrome, and Alcotest machines calibrated without an NIST-traceable digital thermometer) and (2) completely banning expert testimony on SBS/AHT, rather than permitting the jury to decide between competing experts at trial, is an excessively harsh sanction.

The [Consensus Statement on Abusive Head Trauma in Infants and Young Children] was endorsed by the national and international professional societies of every major discipline involved in the diagnosis and treatment of SBS/AHT. That includes the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the American Society of Pediatric Neuroradiology, the American Association for Pediatric Ophthalmology and Strabismus, the Executive Committee of the American College of Radiology, the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children, the European Society of Neuroradiology, the Swedish Paediatric Society, the Norwegian Pediatric Association, the Japanese Pediatric Society, the Society for Pediatric Radiology, the European Society of Paediatric Radiology, the Sociedad Latino Americana de Radiología Pediátrica, the Société Francophone d'Imagerie Pédiatrique et Prénatale, the Asian and Oceanic Society for Paediatric Radiology, and the Australian and New Zealand Society for Paediatric Radiology.

This more than suffices to show that SBS/AHT is generally accepted in every major discipline involved in its diagnosis and treatment: pediatrics, child abuse pediatrics, neurology, neuroradiology, neurosurgery, radiology, ophthalmology, and emergency medicine.

I note the sweep of the majority's decision. Acknowledging a debate and granting a new trial to allow experts to dispute the merits of a particular medical diagnosis is entirely different from prohibiting a trial from taking place at all. The majority has chosen the latter, holding that "expert testimony regarding SBS/AHT without impact… cannot be admitted at trial".

Under the majority's rule, unless "new, reliable, scientific evidence is developed… that expert testimony regarding SBS/AHT without impact is reliable", no person in New Jersey can be charged with child abuse for shaking or slamming an infant unless external evidence of impact is present. Similarly, the Division of Child Protection and Permanency (DCPP) will no longer be able to bring Title 9 proceedings in such cases. The Attorney General and DCPP warn that this will be "a significant setback to public safety" and will "hamper DCPP's ability to fulfill its responsibilities… to 'immediately take such action as shall be necessary to insure the safety of the child' upon receiving a report of [child] abuse".

In my view, a better approach would be to allow a full exchange between experts on the merits of an SBS/AHT diagnosis in any particular case.

This case should inspire judicial modesty. It should call to mind Chief Justice Rehnquist’s warning that judges resist the temptation to believe themselves "amateur scientists". Yet the majority "step[s] beyond its role as gatekeeper of relevant and reliable information, and instead act[s] as the final arbiter of the correctness of Dr. Van Ee's" and other experts' conclusions. For these reasons, I respectfully dissent.

I had the stitches removed last Monday, and I'm starting to feel more like a human being again.

At the moment my biggest issue is that I'm apparently one of the small percentage of the population who can experience raging panic attacks after taking antibiotics.

As someone who has never really had anxiety disorders before, this is equally unpleasant and fascinating. I'll wake up at 5:30 am, feeling like a have a steel rod jammed down my torso, with the impression that the only reason that my jackhammering heart doesn't launch itself out of my body is because I have an enormous weight sitting on my chest.

My first thoughts on attaining consciousness are that I'm going to lose my job, and everyone is going to abandon me, and I'm going to die homeless and starving in a roadside drainage culvert. Rationally, I know this is insane. I have gotten glowing reviews at my employer every year for years now, and I have enough cash on hand to go two full years without a job without any lifestyle changes at all. Eventually I can talk myself out of those automatic thoughts, but the physical symptoms are incredibly persistent. Thankfulky, they do seem to be slowly diminishing over time.

At present, I've mostly been coping by going for a long early morning walk and then taking a nap over my lunch break to get through the rest of the day.

Has anybody else experienced anything like this? If you have, or you're a more chronic panic attack-haver, what can you recommend to help deal with the physical symptoms?

My wife has had those!

Take different antibiotics.

I would strongly recommend that you speak to your doctor about a short course of anxiolytics. While benzos can be scary, this sounds like just about the perfect time. Alternatively, beta blockers will probably help.

With respect to dealing with the physical symptoms, controlled breathing is really all you have as a weapon against it, and all in all it's a pretty effective tool.

I'd advise you to play around with your response. Some things that have helped for me is telling myself that the body is undergoing a hyperemotional response that is not sustainable for that long, maybe 180 seconds at a stretch. Simply acknowledging that helps get out of the mental spiral or the fear of it escalating. Another approach my friend advocates is going head on against the attack, like challenging it 'let's go motherfucker, you think you're gonna win this time?'. I find that one fun for milder attacks, but generally controlled breathing is the go-to when you really do need to manage it quickly.

FWIW, as horrific as panic attacks are I've also found some silver lining in them (as all adversity has), with an immense level of self-respect for being sent down the hole and consistently rising to the challenge and coming out on top.

Not so useful in the wee hours of the morning, but you can dunk your head in a bucket of ice water for 15 or more seconds and pretty much stymie such attacks. This is the dive reflex, which stimulates the vagus nerve. My youngest son used to have concerning anxiety right before going to elementary school, and he'd spend minutes in the toilet, sometimes making his classmates who were waiting for him late. I'd rig up a tub of ice water for him to dunk his face in, and he'd calm down, dry off, and be fine. Although my wife thought this was coddling it worked, and eventually he didn't need it.

Problem is it will also probably wake you up pretty effectively, and that may not be what you want at 5:30 a.m.

Although my wife thought this was coddling

Wait, she thought shoving a kid head first into ice-cold water counted as coddling him? Is that a Japanese thing?

"You gotta stop waterboarding the kids, George, you'll spoil them rotten!"

Ha. I may have inadvertently painted a more violent picture than the reality. There was no head shoving. I placed bowl on table and bid him dunk his head, which he did on his own. After a few weeks of doing this almost every day my wife's worry was that I was providing an emotional crutch where it would be better to simply power through on force of will alone. Which, of course is the right attitude. Thankfully he was able to eventually realize that what was happening to him was within his own control and the ice water bowl was no longer needed.

Consider asking your doc for something short-term to treat them.

Content warning: obnoxious bragging.

Got approached again by a random attractive woman while in public. More subtle than some in the past that have simply introduced themselves to me or straight-up given me a phone number, but still obvious. A real boost to the ol' mental health.

However, as I'm married and would like to remain so, this attention is ultimately pointless. I've tried to think of ways to take advantage of my appearance (I think I'm unremarkable looking, but years of evidence at this point is starting to indicate otherwise) without coming up with anything useful. Acting like a semi-normal human instead of a raging autist is the extent of my acting skills, so that's a dead end. I definitely do not have the personality/charisma for frequent social gatherings and gladhanding, which means politics is out. I guess I could open my own law firm and go the billboard advertising route, but that seems dreadful for a variety of reasons.

Given female passivity and lack of courage and initative, I can still remember the handful of times in my adult life a chick approached me or just yelled a compliment from afar. And yet, I don’t think any of them led to a bang due to disinterest on my end or the interactions from there just going sideways (after all, it’s still dealing with the flakiness and fickleness of a young woman even if she made the first move).

To repurpose a viral tweet: Men get approached every 3-5 fiscal years and live off the memories of it like camels.

However, as I'm married

Often a feature, not a bug, for picking up chicks.

Often a feature, not a bug, for picking up chicks.

Happened plenty prior to marriage, and still happens in situations when it's not obvious that I am. But otherwise agreed.

Often a feature, not a bug, for picking up chicks.

well put

Heh, when I got approached by a random woman in public I was so surprised it took me a minute to understand what she wanted.

I've tried to think of ways to take advantage of my appearance

Go into sales?

Probably a non-starter for the same reason as politics, although I guess my job does involve plenty of sales.

You cash in by telling your wife about the experience with at tone of charming befuddlement (channel High Grant) and enjoy the mate guarding.

When we're somewhere together, she is usually the one commenting on looks that I'm getting (that I'm oblivious to), so probably not much advantage in me adding to it.

I'd generally advise against anything that feeds jealousy, even light-heartedly, though maybe I'm overcautious.

I second this, but depends on the audience (and your rizz)

Given that the context is that @RoyGBivensAction is so hot that random women are approaching him on the street, I don't doubt he has enough rizz.

How much of an issue is heavy metal contamination of supplements? My family and I eat a large amount of supplements and plant protein powders. I have a lot of tendonitis and sleep problems. (Skipping the supplements hasn't seemed to change anything, but I'm not sure if years of taking them has done semi-permanent changes. I also have not stopped the plant protein powders yet). My family doesn't have these issues but I'm the only one that eats plant protein powders, so perhaps it's the protein powders and not the supplements that are contaminated. Is it worth testing for heavy metals? Which metals? I'm seeing my endo again this winter and might get them to do these tests for me.

for what it's worth I have a prior for trust in Legion Athletics. The owner has a few niche (i'm talking 200 person views) podcasts where he's getting into the weeds about getting pissed off about not being able to get random samples for a given product and having to drop it as a result. His entire schtick is about competing by being not "unverified from cheaper chinese factory" and if you keep digging you'll see him complain about things like "i can't put out a COQ10 supplement because i can't compete on cost because i can't find a verifiable source that'll let me do a random sample"

his old multivitamin ad had a gigantic eye watering list of why is justifies each ingredient with a given study but he had to take it down because people didn't care and it basically him satisfying his own fitness autism.

so, if you need specifically a plant based protein (whey is still king for non-plant based), I put my weight behind seriously considering his products.

his is also the only not-Nootropics Depot sleep supplement that has the AcX recomended dose of melatonin, which increases my inclination towards his other stuff since most companies just do a megadose of melatonin

That's Mike Matthews, right?

I also found his blogs and articles really helpful years ago, when I was first getting into weightlifting. Just a good honest dude from what I can tell.

I had a Starting Strength phase and Rippetoe arguing that lifting for aesthetics is stupid but if you going to be stupid at least do it right and listen to this guy was my first introduction to him. And i take that recommendation seriously. Everything i've learned since that has only reinforced that positive impression on me.

The problem with heavy metals is that your body largely can't get rid of them, so short term abstinence won't do you any good. From what I've seen the numbers don't look concerning to me unless you think lifespan takeoff is around the corner.

Hey chat, what's your best solution to constipation?

I'm assuming this is cosmically linked to the Philadelphia Eagles' struggles on offense (they can't get AJ "Brown" into the "endzone" for a "touchdown"), but getting the iggles' offense in gear isn't really in my purview, so I'm gonna need something more personal.

I first noticed it right before flying, so maybe it was psychological, though it might have started earlier and I just didn't notice it? It started before I flew to Green Bay two weeks ago, when I tried to make sure I emptied out before heading to the airport, only to find that I could not. Typically, first thing in the morning I wake up and drink an espresso and immediately go to the bathroom. But for two weeks now I either haven't at all, or barely manage anything.

I've tried miralax to soften stools, and that had some positive effect, but I don't think the issue is solved. I tried suppositories, which got something out, but my bowel movements haven't returned to normal yet. Everything is small and soft, rather than large and firm.

Do I need to do something more drastic and mechanical like an enema? Is it more of a diet and lifestyle thing? My diet isn't perfect in general, but there wasn't any changes leading into this.

Some causes (usually it is one or more of these):

-You are older and your body sucks now (and did not before).

-You are dehydrated.

-You don't move your body enough.

-Your diet doesn't have enough fiber.

-You are fat.

-Your bowel habits suck in some other way that is catching up with you (like holding things in too long, you might need a squatty potty, etc.).

-Weirder stuff like psychiatric stuff, hormones.

-Serious medical conditions (may be worth getting stuff checked).

-Other substances that impact bowels. Too much or too little caffeine (or withdrawal from the same).

Usually common sense adjustments for these things will help. See a doctor. Only after that is it worth something like PEG, Senna, etc.

Usual high fiber stuff like Metamucil, Prunes, Fiber soda whatever.... all of this is sustainable.

Also important to get this addressed early to rule out serious conditions, and perhaps to prevent things like hemorrhoids, fissures, diverticulitis.

I'm assuming this is cosmically linked to the Philadelphia Eagles' struggles on offense (they can't get AJ "Brown" into the "endzone" for a "touchdown"), but getting the iggles' offense in gear isn't really in my purview, so I'm gonna need something more personal.

> no reference to “tush push”

smh my head

I done been pushin', but I ain't hear the whistle.

You seem savvy to the usual advice on hydration, fiber, etc. so let me insert the idea that sudden changes in bowel habits, in particular if persistent, bear checking out medically. In particular if you have worsening discomfort, an inability to pass gas, rigidity, etc.

Eat a bunch of prunes.

4 heaping tablespoons of psyllium husk mixed in a tall glass of water every night. I was diagnosed with IBS, and was told I had to be in a restrictive diet my whole life.

Husk has cleared up every single digestion issue I had, and I can eat whatever I want now and always go once a day right after coffee like clockwork.

No substance in earth has had a more dramatic effect on my quality of life

Is there a reason to take them at night specifically? I'm wary of drinking so much liquid right before bed. I'll do it at least 1-2 hours before bed when I try this stuff.

I don't think the exact timing really matters, thats just when I do it.

My wife swears by drinking a shot glass of olive oil for this. I can't speak as to whether or not it helps much, but it's a simple enough thing to try.

Do I need to do something more drastic and mechanical like an enema?

Have you tried a bidet seat? Even the cheap ones with no electronics at all that just shoot cold water up there are a game changer. Angling yourself just right it serves as a poor man's enema (now I wonder if enemas are a rich man's thing), and the mechanical action it provides in there helps a lot!

Cup of oatmeal for breakfast every weekday seems to work well enough for me. Call me Captain Obvious, but diet and lifestyle is gonna be a significant factor in all parts of your health. Are you getting enough fiber? Are you drinking enough water?

Prune juice always worked well for my kids, and coffee for me, but if you're having a morning espresso every day for weeks and not seeing much effect, I'm not sure how strong you want to go with stimulant laxatives.

Water absorbers like fiber and miralax are good for softening stools and avoiding developing constipation, but if you're already blocked up it's too late to try to soften the culprit with additional solids. Getting yourself very well hydrated and using a chemical stool softener medicine can help even after you're already blocked up.

Are you still blocked up, though? "small and soft", as long as it's still frequent, sounds like a subtle diet change, not a still-unsolved blockage. If you're not bloated then maybe you really do just need more fiber.

If you are still blocked up, for weeks? Lifestyle changes can be subtle (travel can be a trigger for me too, though never nearly this bad), but if you're having awful constipation with no diet/lifestyle changes and you're male and you're paranoid/hypochondriac then it wouldn't be completely crazy to get a PSA (Prostate-Specific Antigen) self-test kit and then go in for a real exam if it comes up positive. Increasingly bad constipation was the first symptom of my father's cancer, and not getting it looked at until it sent him to the hospital gave the tumor time to metastasize.

Hey chat, what's your best solution to constipation?

Epsom salt. 20-40 km of walking also helps.

If you haven't tried, what might help is trying one or two days of a really high-fiber diet, where you eat in one day include the following: 3-4 fruits, whole grains only, 2 cans of beans, and a carrot. That gives you about 60 grams of fiber right there, not sure what your diet currently looks like fiber wise. But if things haven't been working for 2 weeks shocking the system with a sudden jump in fiber might help. Could add another can of beans for another 15 grams of fiber. Not sure if this is the right strategy for you though but it could be something to try.

I always do a shaker bottle at bedtime with 2 heaping tablespoons of Costco's psyllium husk fiber. Tends to keep things moving. My morning post-coffee event sometimes resembles a certain scene from Jurassic Park. I would probably try more fiber before moving to the enema stage.

  • 28
  • CS degree (not a good dev)
  • never had a job
  • low 7 figures saved up (grinded online from age 12 with minimal spending)
  • have social anxiety (moderate, but can be severe in certain situations)
  • still live with parents
  • no nearby close friends, everyone scattered around the globe
  • have never been in a serious relationship. Longest one was 3 months - 2 months long distance, 1 in person. Been completely bitchless for the past 3 years.

That’s me. I recently got injured and was forced to be sedentary and homebound for months. That put me in deep depression and some sort of quarter life crisis. I’ve realized I’ve been living a pretty shitty life ruled by social anxiety. Sitting home all the time, turning down experiences, friendships and relationships left and right, while lying to myself about doing it not because of my condition, but because ‘I’m grinding.’ Now I’m feeling I’ve missed out on so much of my youth. I fucking regret it, but it’s not helpful to lament about the past because I can’t change shit, and at least instead of being a useless slob I did something with my time. Now what the hell do I do now? I’m thinking of going all in on treating the root cause of the problem - my social anxiety. Therapy (CBT), although I’m not too hopeful on its helpfulness, some light meds/supplements (no SSRIs, Propranolol, Selank, vitamins), exercise. And of course exposure therapy. Not sure how to go about it - get some type of public facing job, volunteer or maybe solo travel and live in hostels? Once that’s unfucked, I will move onto other things like my (non-existent) career and relationships. Any advice, thoughts, input on my plan?

You mention here that a year or so ago you were on propranolol, with encouraging results. To what degree (not much?) have medications aided you?

I've traveled solo quite often, but I'm not particularly good at it. Unless you're approached by someone else, would you be the type to initiate an interaction? Nor am I all that social most of the time, though I can fake it. But I don't have the type of anxiety you're describing. You also mentioned before having hobbies and interacting with people in those hobbies--has this not been an effective strategy? If you're an introvert that's one thing, but if you're an extravert trapped in a situation where being extraverted is stressful, that's another.

It helps just a bit, but at the time I was in a completely different headspace. I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, so I've been treating it like it was a completely normal way of life for the longest time. After all, while I'm a social recluse in some ways - I still have some friends, had some relationships, and so on. That assured me that I'm just an extreme introvert that prefers being alone for most of the time (a lie I told myself). Propranolol was helpful to turn down some physical symptoms, but I found that I've already managed to lower my stress baseline in social situations to where propranolol brought me down to back then, so it's not that useful to me anymore. I haven't tested it in an extreme situation like a presentation because I haven't had the chance, but I still have some and will use it once an opportunity presents itself.

Unless you're approached by someone else, would you be the type to initiate an interaction?

Default me, before I started making a conscious observation about my social anxiety, absolutely not. Whenever I can't find something at the store, I would always walk through the whole place on my own instead of asking an employee. But now I'm always doing my best catching myself when my brain tries to 'protect' me from social interactions like this. This alone is big progress, in the past anything social would instantly get vetoed by my amygdala.

You also mentioned before having hobbies and interacting with people in those hobbies--has this not been an effective strategy?

Yes, but once again, those posts were made when I was still in my old ways before I got put in this mental hole and had to face my reality. I was on some sort of autopilot, feeling something is wrong but not fully understanding it.

If you're an introvert that's one thing, but if you're an extravert trapped in a situation where being extraverted is stressful, that's another.

I'd say I'm an extraverted introvert. I do value my alone time, but I'm completely fine in extraverted situations when surrounded by close friends and family. Biggest triggers are unfamiliar people, being put on the spot, etc. I remember having 120 bpm heartrate, muscle spasms and heat flashes 2 hours before doing a presentation in college.

Try The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss. You already did the hard part; you have enough money that you can afford retire and live in a low cost of living area indefinitely, and you are still young. The question now is, what do you fill the rest of your life with? Strongly advise against getting a career; even if it's something you are truly passionate about, nothing kills passion like the demands of a job.

From Chapter 4, System Reset:

What Do You Want? A Better Question, First of All

Most people will never know what they want. I don’t know what I want. If you ask me what I want to do in the next five months for language learning, on the other hand, I do know. It’s a matter of specificity. “What do you want?” is too imprecise to produce a meaningful and actionable answer. Forget about it.

“What are your goals?” is similarly fated for confusion and guesswork. To rephrase the question, we need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

Let’s assume we have 10 goals and we achieve them—what is the desired outcome that makes all the effort worthwhile? The most common response is what I also would have suggested five years ago: happiness. I no longer believe this is a good answer. Happiness can be bought with a bottle of wine and has become ambiguous through overuse. There is a more precise alternative that reflects what I believe the actual objective is.

Bear with me. What is the opposite of happiness? Sadness? No. Just as love and hate are two sides of the same coin, so are happiness and sadness. Crying out of happiness is a perfect illustration of this. The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is—here’s the clincher—boredom.

Excitement is the more practical synonym for happiness, and it is precisely what you should strive to chase. It is the cure-all. When people suggest you follow your “passion” or your “bliss,” I propose that they are, in fact, referring to the same singular concept: excitement.

This brings us full circle. The question you should be asking isn’t, “What do I want?” or “What are my goals?” but “What would excite me?”

I've actually read this book a long time ago when I was right out of highschool, and it was probably one of the reasons, aside from having social anxiety and avoiding any additional social pressure like potential job interviews and so on, why I continued pursuing doing my own thing. And I completely agree with what he says in this excerpt. I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing. It's probably why I've lasted so long head down, minimum social interactions, just focusing on increasing my bank account. Problem is it's not that exciting to me anymore. I've had an imaginary $ target in my head. As I keep getting closer to it, I'm realizing literally nothing will change in my life once I reach it. I can already afford 80% of things I'd possibly want at this exact moment. I'm realizing I want recognition, I want to be an expert at something. I think I can coast by for a few years by finding excitement in simple things like learning new skills (riding a motorcycle is already on the list) or doing stuff like skydiving, but I imagine it all gets old fast. I still have to fix my main issue before I worry about any of this though. Maybe while I'm in the process of doing so, I'll find excitement in something sustainable that can last many years and thoughts of having a career will dissipate, but I'm not there yet.

Travel a while, find interesting people online you connect with, talk to them, find a community, explore spirituality, therapy emotional work, etc.

Commit all in to solving your emotional issues! It's worth it though it will be hard.

  • 28

  • low 7 figures saved up

That should be more than enough for you to retire.

Retiring is the last thing I’d want to do. I’ve already missed out on a lot of experiences sitting at home

Retiring means not having to go to work, and having time (but maybe not a tonne of spare money) to chase experiences. Of course, if one of the experiences you want to have is having a job, then by all means. (Although I rather suspect the experience of a job is very different knowing you have a gigantic pile of savings in the bank)

What currency?

USD

I am flabbergasted. You should be proud of yourself.

I know it's a pretty good accomplishment, but it's sadly nothing crazy. All my money buys me a modest single family home where I live. I would also give away 90% of it if I could fully fix my head in an instant.

All my money buys me a modest single family home where I live.

Then you're living in the wrong place.

I'm aware. I'm also not interested in buying a place now, nor am I interested in moving to deep suburbia, where improving my condition would be even harder purely due to population density.

28 is still young. You have over $1million with never having a job? What does 'grinding' mean?

To answer more of what your questions is I think you need to live IRL; move out rent your own place and get friends. The quote I think about is modern industrial society (and I would update it to technological society) has great propensity to give pleasure, but not at giving people joy. So while its easy to buy a cake, is not easy throw a party to have friends to enjoy it with, where I think the real joy comes from. Just a note on making friends, the advice for kiddos is to have a friend be a friend, but I think an adult will know people will disappoint them in a multitude of ways and know that is okay.

I definitely have to move out, but I’m leaning towards traveling first. I do have friends, but they are scattered around the world, I could start off with visiting some of them.

Travel will do a ton for you. Solo travel teaches you self-reliance and confidence, and having friends to meet makes dropping into a new city much less daunting. In distant countries with a culture barrier, it's easier to find the mindset of "I'm never going to see these people again, the cultural gap hides any weirdness I might have, and we already have a natural topic of conversation." If you drink, go to a bar where you can meet locals, ask them about their country, answer their questions about the US, two pints of beer is generally the sweet spot for social anxiety (do not under any circumstances attempt to go shot for shot with a Slav, Scandi, or Korean). If a local team's playing on the TV, cheer for them. The next level to this is consciously applying your hustle and autism powers to getting socially comfortable, so if you can, think about what introductions, jokes, stories, etc. end up working in those interactions and build your confidence that way.

Yeah, that's why I'm leaning towards solo travel. I've traveled before (non-solo) plenty of times and the mindset you mentioned is definitely real. I've just been very dismissive of my condition, never tried to treat it and considered being like that normal. Only recently did I come to realize how much it's affecting me, so hopefully socializing with intent to get better yields positive results.

So I can go into more detail, but solo travel did more than anything else to turn me from awkward autist into social butterfly chad than anything. The key is to think of it as a skill, to do it with intent and thoughtfully consider your practice of it (and not to get too bummed when something doesn't work out, it's often random and, if not, a learning experience - at the time, I leaned on the Stoic maxim that every situation is in its own way an opportunity to practice virtue). Learning to be a good, confident conversationalist is like learning to become good and confident at a sport or an instrument. Same with bravery and a desire for adventure.

Do go into more detail, please. Did you stay at hostels? Any recs for which places to visit first?

Learning to be a good, confident conversationalist is like learning to become good and confident at a sport or an instrument

I know this. Matter of fact, I'm pretty confident and charismatic with people I'm familiar with. It's a different matter with unfamiliar people. Feels like I move 1 sd to the left for IQ, physical symptoms don't help either. But I've now realized that simply having the right mindset and fighting the initial resistance of my brain trying to protect myself from 'danger' helps things already, so I think more exposure will definitely help

Did you stay at hostels?

I did in Western Europe, got decent hotels for the same budget in other places. Never really socialized in them, which in retrospect was a mistake, lots of folks who all want to meet people. I would recommend getting single rooms in hostels and socializing in the lounge/bar, because the group rooms are too likely to fuck up your sleep. I'm not really a hostel guy at this point, but hostel bars are still great places to go - in fact, in the last city I lived in in the US, I'd sometimes go to the local hostel's bar to meet people - particularly in a country where the local English isn't great

Any recs for which places to visit first?

Countries which like Americans make socializing much easier. Eastern Europe (Russia/Serbia aside), Central Asia, parts of the Middle East and Latin America. Just nod and agree/ask questions if they start talking about weird political stuff, Kunley Druqkpa's interviews on twitter are a great example of how to do that. If you find yourself in smaller countries coming out of bad times, people are often really excited to see Westerners visiting and showing genuine interest in their culture/history. My most recent trip was Albania, and as soon as I sat down to watch some football an older gent started talking to me and was clearly very happy I'd chosen to come see the place.

This will vary person by person, but after 3-4 weeks of travel I tend to get quite tired and my mood dips a lot. If you're going to do longer trips, make sure that you get a restful period around that time. Get some books, spend a couple days with nothing to do but what you feel like doing at that moment, even if it's sitting in a cafe or on a balcony chilling.

For when you're in a place and looking where to go, I always swore by wikitravel's recommendations, but nowadays ChatGPT is very good to both prepare walking itineraries to see historical/cultural sites and to get lists of places with whatever social vibe you're looking for (I usually say hipster spots and places in the nice areas where locals hang out). Tell it to search for sources in the local language as well as English.

Dating apps really really depend on the culture of the place you're visiting, basically how conservative and pious it is on the one hand, and how much you need to look out for hookers/scammers on the other. Bring your street smarts, but even if you don't intend to date in a place checking the apps can give you an interesting sense of how young people there present themselves.

I really can't emphasize enough how helpful it is to become at least a slight soccer fan if you can. It's the world's sport, every country outside the US and in any big US city you'll have a bunch of soccer fans from a bunch of clubs getting together every weekend. I grew up in London but didn't really start following it until I started traveling and realized that wherever I go in the world there will always be Arsenal fans.

Try not to dress too much like a tourist. Dark, clean clothes, no graphic t-shirts, shorts only when necessary. The /mfa starter pack vibe is more than enough, you just don't want to look like the stereotypical American tourist who doesn't give a shit about the country he's visiting except taking pictures. Also expect some ribbing for being American, 99% of the time this is either a) a friendly introduction and minor male shit-test to see if you're chill and can be funny back or b) has some political aspect to it that can make the guy into an instant friend if you agree with him that some war was a bad thing or whatever.

fighting the initial resistance of my brain trying to protect myself from 'danger'

This sounds crazy, but I did a meditation retreat recently, and their recommendation to learn to get past the 'shock reflex' is to step into a cold shower, feel the shock, and then try to breathe normally, wait under it to acclimatize and feel the water on your skin as just water rather than as shock and danger. I found it quite helpful with some of the meditation stuff that hits that brain impulse to instantly react rather than relax.

Appreciate you taking the time to respond. I'm really 50/50 on hostels, a friend has told me it's the best way to meet new people when traveling, but just like you I'm not too keen on sleeping in a shared room. Sounds like an easy way to not get good sleep and potentially get your valuables yoinked if you're not attentive enough.

All great advice, I definitely gotta get into soccer, especially with world cup coming to US soon. That would be an easy way to bond with someone.

This sounds crazy, but I did a meditation retreat recently, and their recommendation to learn to get past the 'shock reflex' is to step into a cold shower, feel the shock, and then try to breathe normally, wait under it to acclimatize and feel the water on your skin as just water rather than as shock and danger. I found it quite helpful with some of the meditation stuff that hits that brain impulse to instantly react rather than relax.

I've done cold showers in the past, but for no particular reason and without a particular goal. Now that I've identified what to work on, perhaps I'll find it more useful.

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I know it’s young, but I’ve definitely missed some experiences. No way to go back in time to go to that college party or on a spontaneous trip with friends.

Just doing online hustles. Started off at 12 with selling minecraft items for real money on a big custom server, then to doing regional arbitrage for games on steam (buy cheap in one region, sell high to someone in a more expensive region), and so on. With all the money I’ve made off stuff like that, I eventually moved on to trading crypto and then to stocks with some moderate success. Living with family also helped a lot, around $40k/year in savings just off that.

Granted it'd be a bit weird to go to a college party, but you're never too old for a spontaneous trip with friends! (It's not age that stops you, it's responsibilities (or lack of friends but then that becomes merely step 1)).

Also if you're 28 and have seven figures in savings that's pretty great! A very off-meta build, but I'm sure you can make it work.

but you're never too old for a spontaneous trip with friends!

of course you're never too old, but like you mentioned, responsibilities get in the way. Not on my end, I'm as free as one can be. My friends, not so much. It could be one of the reasons why I'm feeling a sense of urgency to fix my social anxiety - it will only get worse as I get older. In my college years, there was something going on every other day and I would reject almost every opportunity. Now, it takes 8 months of planning, praying, coordinating to organize a 2 week trip. I need to be able to go out of my comfort zone, meet new people and feel comfortable with spontaneity.

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