self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
I'm a transhumanist doctor. In a better world, I wouldn't need to add that as a qualifier to plain old "doctor". It would be taken as granted for someone in the profession of saving lives.
At any rate, I intend to live forever or die trying. See you at Heat Death!
Friends:
A friend to everyone is a friend to no one.
User ID: 454
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
I can't help being too cool for school, which is why I'm in higher education.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
Sorry, can't hear you. Because I'm on the sidelines waving the red flag too, and so is she.
I do know. Very well. Uncomfortably, painfully well. Falling in love is not a choice, at least for me. And I am genuinely okay with being just friends with her, which is most likely outcome.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
Not just me, and not everyone. Somewhere in the middle. I'm just honest about things.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
is it time for @self_made_human to do the British would-be-NEETs of TheMotte a favor?
Hey I'm pretty sure I bought @Corvos a drink at some point. That's technically an anxiolytic and possibly a favor. And I don't think I'm the right person for disability adjustments, though they do take psychiatric inputs.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
Not the asexual lesbian, because she probably is an asexual lesbian with incredible sexual trauma. But I'm sure I'll write about her (the lucky one) at some point.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
No workouts, well, barring some push-ups. I have too much going on. Good and bad. Mostly good, thank fucking God. I am holding myself accountable to more important things right now, and still getting laid so the physique isn't too bad.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
Writing screen plays? Strong proof of mental illness. I've never been tempted, sorry, can't relate at all.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
I'm not a trauma surgeon, and he'd definitely have died if I was the one responsible for his care. I'm definitely not qualified to gainsay the pathologist here. If that's the subclavian or axillary vein, my hunch is that the odds were very poor, but I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert here. I suppose it also depends on if they had blood products, if the lungs were punctured, and whether a chest drain was available.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
I mean, I'm not wearing a tie. And if I did succumb to temptation, I'd make sure it's one of those ones that clips on and tears off easy. Only hot women get to choke me, on my own terms.
I'll look into things, really. I have learned the hard way to take good advice.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
I'll consider it, thank you. I just make a point of dressing well these days, even at work, when it would be so easy to devolve into scrubs (and look decent in them). A proper shirt. Nice trousers. The shoes. I'm not insane enough to wear a tie just yet. I used to wear crocs to work, once, but while they're perfectly cromulent footwear, I've outgrown them.
I try to get some stretches in when I can. Even if it's while I'm vaping in the shitter. But the pain really is probably psychosomatic, and it's nasty.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
Uh... I think so? I wear Chelsea boots at work. But one of the reasons I'm not a surgeon (there are others, and too many to list) is that I fucking hate standing. I've tried a bunch of different shoes, I suppose, but my back and legs get sore. I'm literally surviving the ward rounds on paracetamol and ibuprofen (and a muscle relaxant, sometimes). And a PPI, because I never quite go full retard.
Quite convinced it's somatoform pain. Still waiting for another shrink to make me their problem.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
Oh I wasn't away for a full 8 months, I was working out 2-3x weekly while on a prolonged vacation in India. Got the DOMS out of the way, I'm just sore because of stress. Somatoform pain hurts as much as the normal kind, it's all nerves anyway. No, it's been a month since a proper gym session, but I've been doing push-ups and swinging dumbbells even last month. Appreciate it nonetheless!
I did go to the gym yesterday. First time I've attended my Scottish gym in 6 months at the very least, maybe 8 or 9. Forced myself to. Despite all the aches and the pain and the desire to drag my sorry ass home to rot in peace. Nope, if I'm getting the muscle ache anyway, might as well grow something to show for it. I'm going today too, after work. Holding myself to it.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
The map is not the territory, and I believe there's some acknowledging being done about it.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
I'd do it for $9,999, just Indian like that.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
2mo ago
I don't think there enough Kiwies around for people to pattern match to that one.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
No, I don't think I'm you. Too handsome for that, and given the username, possibly less German or Dutch?
I didn't get any speech therapy. I give the speeches and the therapy. I just learned to speak English while in the States and it stuck and morphed into something so neutral it's remarkable.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
I don't have an Indian accent. Quite the opposite. I get asked, almost every day, where I'm from. By people talking to me in person too, mind you.
So far, people have told me I sound American, Canadian, Dutch, German and god knows what else. The standard consensus seems to be from exactly wherever they're not, so Americans wonder if I'm Canadian/European, and Europeans wonder if I'm from the other side of the pond.
In fact, this happens so frequently I have a whole canned speech ready. Surprisingly LLMs can usually still tell I'm probably Indian from pure audio logs, last time I tried was with Gemini 2.5 Pro. I sound very slightly Scottish when very inebriated, but I avoid picking up another accent since at that point nobody would understand me.
Funny and very recent story: I had a date with my Emotional Support Lesbian yesterday. I took her to the shady gay pub that's my usual haunt. The other Lesbian at the counter (much worse at the emotional support bit) could understand precisely what I was saying, and couldn't understand the white woman with the upperclass British accent. Well, she admits that she sounds like a "posh Tory cunt", and that is all the proof I need.
For what it's worth, I hate Indian accents too, they grate on my ears, and I mostly grew up there. I do agree Roadmen sound atrocious, and I'd walk into traffic if I see them on the streets.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
I really don't blame her for what the NHS is really causing. I did thank her for letting me know, shook her hand goodbye, and confirmed that she made it home in one piece. I try to keep my problems my own, and she didn't need to know that something that small was all it took to make me begin unraveling.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
Maybe a career switch is advisable. I will consult our resident furries for advice.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
Oh god, I was so fucked last week. As in, right up until last night.
Had a patient come in. Clint Eastwood-looking fellow, albeit a bit yellow. He'd clearly been to Shanghai and had a good time, whereas I only seem to get Shanghai'd into work and am the wrong kind of Asian for it.
He was not in a good mood. When the senior consultant led the ward round, the rest of us tagging along like ducklings who'd imprinted on the wrong mother, he had concerns. Said we should help, that the NHS was clearly failing him. I cannot in good conscience disagree, having extensive evidence on the matter, but we did need a slightly more itemised complaint. Turned out the gentleman in the next bed had wet himself and nobody had come. My patient, who could not reliably tell you the year, had correctly identified a real institutional failure and appointed himself its ombudsman. The consultant was mildly put out at being mistaken for a nurse. She was far too professional to show it to a man in hepatic encephalopathy, and I was the only one who caught it, because spite recognises spite.
Later, I had to put an Adults With Incapacity form in place for him. He couldn't consent, so the job was to consent on his behalf, which is the polite clinical phrasing for deciding things about a man's body in a room he isn't really in. It wasn't urgent enough to skip waiting for the family, so I waited for the family. They came. The wife told me he used to have a sense of humour like mine. I said that probably explained the liver. She laughed, which I'm choosing to log as a therapeutic outcome. I'm sure she was a gorgeous lady once, albeit too old even for me. She was suitably apologetic for her husband getting rather angry when I put on my usual song and dance, and possibly interpreted it as coming onto his wife. Bit late for that bud. He was not amused. He said "don't quit your day job."
How rude. Wasn't planning to, but that is precisely what I would say in his shoes. And I don't even have the loving wife, lovely daughters, and the grandkids. Or the dementia and what is possibly a HPB carcinoma. Win some, lose some.
Here's what they don't put in the GMC curriculum: he was, by every account in the room, a good man. A lawyer who gardened. Combative, his wife said, but never rude to anyone he understood was trying to help, which is a finer distinction than most healthy people manage. Then dementia, then the loss of his legs, then the drink, in roughly that order, each one a door that only opens one way. I wrote the cognitive and alcohol history and I will admit, with the appropriate amount of shame, that I enjoyed writing it, because it was the first time in months the job felt like the one I trained for. My colleagues said I was the right person for it. I suspect this is because I am the only underemployed psychiatry resident in the building, but I'll take the compliment at face value, since I'm short on those and long on face.
What I did not enjoy: watching the poor bastard suffer, and the fact that my replacement NHS ID badge was not handed to me that day as promised, despite an email, an appointment, and a confirmation that very morning. Isn't there something clarifying about being trusted to make life decisions for an incapacitated stranger while the same institution cannot be trusted to hand you back a piece of laminated plastic?
Then, because the week was apparently being written by someone with a heavy hand, I went on a date. Long journey, no sleep, the usual baseline of grey. She seemed nice, but I really wasn't hoping for much. I went on that date because I wanted to do something other than dissociate in my bed that weekend. I was more unhinged than usual, past the point where I come off as charming and confident, and appear slightly delirious myself. We talked for an hour or two, as many drinks. She came back from the loo, told me she wasn't feeling it, didn't want to lead me on, and would rather go home. Which is, I want to stress, the considerate way to do it, the rejection equivalent of a clean surgical margin. I told myself this. It did not take. I'm a psychiatrist; I can narrate my own distress in correct terminology while it ignores me completely.
I won't bore the thread with the bit in the middle. There were mushrooms. There was a bus station, a kebab, an emotional support lesbian* who has so far declined to be anything more, and a great deal of being talked down off my own ledge by parties who shall remain anonymous. The short version is that I am better now than I was, by a margin that won't mean much to most of you and means a great deal to me.
The old man's still on the ward. I think about the one-way doors. I've got the kind that still open, for now, and I intend to keep walking through them, if only out of spite, which is the one mature defence mechanism Vaillant forgot to list.
*I call her that to her face, and it makes her giggle. Good to know that lesbians, old grannies, the delirious, the psychotic, and other characters find me funny. Also, she is into some really freaky stuff, and I suppose knowing what Langhans lines are might help. Shame that she is probably not lying about being asexual or a lesbian, but I've had worse company. I am nothing if not an optimist.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
Well, if you're looking for money through writing, I can imagine. For me, it's $20, $3.50 or free.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
I once had a pretty large indie publisher ask about my novel. I told them that I have a lot of shit on my plate, and I do not expect to finish it in a timely manner. I deserve points for honesty.
Beyond that? Someone pledged money to my Substack, which is something I only vaguely dreamed of monetizing, and do not go around begging money for. I accept upvotes and engagement as valid currency. He's a big name, and $8 is $8, even if it's a theoretical $8 that I can't be arsed to redeem just yet.
I am very glad that writing is just a hobby, and I don't want to go full-time pro. My work and life gives me the material for the writing anyway.
self_made_human
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi
3mo ago
What gave it away? The deterioration of my mental health? That's cheating. But no, sometimes things just don't work out.
I have nothing new to say about the ban itself, or to be more accurate, I can't be arsed to.
I did use Fable from the moment it was available, quite intensively, and I can promise you that it's a feel-the-AGI moment. Is it an AGI? Nope. But it only took a little use to realize that it was clearly ahead of the pack, and we're only a small n number of iterations away. The only reason I'm not updating my timelines harder is because something like this is priced in.
Speaking of price, Fable tempts me to buy a Max plan. That is not something even a large amount of tokens for Opus 4.6 and later managed. I'll do so if this kerfuffle sorts itself out, but until then, using Opus 4.8 feels like a Flowers for Algernon moment.
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