Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
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I recently spoke to a cute med student on the dating apps, same med school as my younger brother.
She tells me she knows my brother. I mean, who doesn't? He's a looker, all the girls and a good quarter of the guys want to know him, in the biblical sense, but she wasn't so crass. All good.
She she says she knows my dad. Okay.. But I've heard worse.
She goes on to say that not only are our parents colleagues, they're from the same med school. What a coincidence!
I ask my brother about her. You know, due diligence. He gives me a look, and tells me to keep my filthy paws off her if I know what's good for me. Huh. That's new. I swear he's never had that particular reaction before, and I wanted to know why, but he just shook his head, asked me to confirm her surname, and wandered off.
Then she says that hey, your dad was visiting our place just a month or so back, how's he doing? Quite well, thank you for asking. What field of medicine are your parents in? Gynecologists themselves?
I matched into psychiatry. Then I found out, after a very reasonable amount of flirting, that I had matched with my psychiatrist's daughter on a dating app. I told her that I had literally called him a month back to share the good news. The former, the latter was nothing but bad.
My dad delivered her by c-sec. He does that to a lot of people, it's not a very exclusive club, after all, how could it be, when I'm a member?
My fucking brother, he was laughing his ass off in the next room, the walls, while thick, weren't nearly enough to hide the chortles or my beet red face. Then the asshole goes on to tell my parents about her, and I limp back home from work, only to have my dad ask me if I want to marry her.
I chuckle and throw my employee ID card somewhere it won't be missed. Then I take a good look. He's not joking. This is the opposite of good, but what am I good at except brushing off commitment?
No? Then stop fucking around, SMH (he's also shaking his head, and I mine). She's a Good Girl™, studious, from a respectable family. You want to get married? I can call her dad right now. He's not kidding either. I thought I was dead inside, but apparently it's always possible to make room for desert and to make what's already dead roll over and die again.
I assure him that as someone about to move countries and stay in Scotland for 3 years and change, marrying an Indian med student only halfway through her course is the ABSOLUTE LAST THING I want to be doing.
Ah, but they're well off enough, and so are we. We could fly her out every six months or so to see you.
-_-
My mom was in the room and giggling her ass off. Thank you for the moral support mom.
I tell my dad that I don't think a healthy marriage involves the newly weds living a continent away, seeing each other every blue moon. He doesn't seem all that fussed, and I realized that roughly summed up the first few years of his marriage, given how he was on the sigma grindset. I suppose there's a reason they had their honeymoon when I was three years old. No, I tell him, given that if there's ever going to be a shotgun wedding, her dad will be the one wielding one, only to keep me at bay. He's my fucking shrink, he knows things. He'd need a shrink himself if he let me anywhere near his cute and nerdy daughter, and I'm not licensed yet.
At this point, my mom asks me if I care to examine the latest batch of single ladies lovingly handpicked out for me by my aunt in London. I've well and truly had enough, I stomp out of there with steam, tinted pink with dying brain tissue, hissing out of my ears.
My life is a farce. Joke's on me. So are the drinks, but only because I'm going to be downing a lot of them.
On one hand, the leverage your close family and personal connections you have with this young woman is a little disconcerting. On the other hand, you're hitting it off and you seem to both like each other.
I understand your worry and considerations, but long distance is doable if you are both looking for a long term relationship. My fiancée and I did long distance for a long time (over 5 years!) before I got myself in order and moved to be closer to her. I regret nothing, and we remained committed to each other for the entire time even if we couldn't see each other more than once every few months.
Now, this forum would probably press the statistical improbability of this being successful, but I laugh at the face of statistics. Be the outliar!
Life is short, go for it!
Please don't assume that she's going to be forced into a marriage with me against her wishes. At most, my dad could ask her dad if he'd be okay with it, and have it taken seriously, including being presented to her for her consideration. But if she said no, I'm confident they'd respect her wishes.
I'm hardly a bad catch, and we evidently saw something in each other when we matched, so I have no idea how she'd react. I just don't consider myself remotely ready.
I applaud your ability to make an LDR work, but I sincerely doubt they're for me. As it stands, I'm giving myself like 3 to 5 years to find someone on my own terms before I feel tempted to lean back on such options.
Sorry, I never meant to insinuate that you'd considering you flex your familial connections to force someone into a decision (I'll admit I'm not too familiar with arranged marriages). I'm glad it sounds everyone would have a level head about the whole situation.
I understand your fear of marriage, especially one with so little time to figure out if you really have a connection and are worried about the feasibility of a relationship working over long distance. Are you worried that you'll find greener grass? Or is it your internal monologue when you see women?
I guess the question I would have is, what the hell are you waiting for, and what are you afraid of missing?
The hardest part is, given your situation, that chances are one of you will have to give up or compromise your career for the other to some extent. That will be one of those things that can be very difficult for couples to navigate, but it's doable if both people are willing to work for each other instead of their onw goals and is an inevitable part of almost every relationship.
I'm not afraid of marriage. I easily see myself happily married, but after a modest number of years, spent mostly in unchecked hedonism. If, in the middle, I did find another person I could genuinely see myself settling down with, I'd have few qualms about cutting that phase of my life short.
I'd prefer grass that's just on my side of a very wide field really. It makes mowing the lawn significantly easier, all the myriad acts of love and general maintenance that makes a relationship work are eased through proximity. I can't go so far as to say that LDRs are impossible, I know plenty of existence proofs out there, not just you, but I expect them to fail far more often than not, when the number of years till you see each other again on a regular basis can be as many as 4 or more.
From a more practical perspective, I'd prefer to marry a woman who's already settled into her career and supplementing our income.
I've done that before, to my detriment, and it was wasted in the end, both the time and the money.
I'm in the UK for a minimum of 3 years. I could see 5 being ideal, since that's how long it would take to get Indefinite Leave to Remain. 6? Then I'd be a full consultant by UK standards (a mere 3 is enough for the majority of the globe), and that's also how long it would take for full citizenship.
After that? I'm going where the money and the lifestyle is. If avenues closed to me right now open up, it could well be the US, or maybe Australia. If they remain shut, I'll likely make a great deal more money in the Middle East, not that I want to live there for anything but the money.
I'm not entirely averse to settling down in the UK, especially with a partner who makes a comparable sum, but it's plan B for now. Maybe even C.
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