farhakhalidi.substack.com
It's an essay about the various flaws modern feminist sex positivity culture has for women, and that it's often a good idea to refrain from sex even if one isn't religious. The author is an Only Fans model for context. I thought it did a great job laying out the downsides of ubiquitous sex.(Reposted because I accidentally linked to reddit instead of the original essay earlier).
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Notes -
The big problem with modern dating is everyone hates it, sometimes for different reasons and sometimes for similar ones, and absolutely no one, not even one, not a single soul, is willing to work cooperatively to improve it. The only people willing to acknowledge the problems respond almost to a man with attempts to use insights into the situation for personal gain, like the red pillers and FDS people. Few express even a morsel of empathy for anyone struggling on the opposite side of the fence, and everything is framed in a zero-sum, adversarial way. It is no wonder to me that people who think like this don't have any satisfaction in relationships.
Looking at the problems and collectively going, okay, let's improve this, let's make this better, let's build a system in which more people get what they want and are happy is apparently out of the question. It would require too much honesty, too many tough questions, it would threaten people's status. We'd have to be real with each other and also ourselves, and it's simply psychologically easier to become enraptured by hate and contempt. The system of love has been transmuted into a system of hate.
Totally true. But it seems like high social trust environments could swing it- isn’t Japan having somewhat of a resurgence in third party matchmaking(which is in fact a solution to the issue).
You know, I used to be one of those westerners staunchly opposed to matchmaking, but the more I read about people seemingly unable to match themselves up, and the more I see how, while compatibility is valuable, love and commitment are choices that can build upon even basic compatibility to build a strong partnership, the more I think maybe my preconceptions on matchmaking were wrong, and having external people you trust provide insight on fundamental compatibility can provide incredible value.
But social trust is really the solution to everything. The solution to getting men and women to think of each other as members of their sphere of concern, worthy of respect and consideration both romantically and more fundamentally, is to put them in a community where they know each other and are embedded in meaningful, integrated social networks. I think there's a weird way in which some past societies were more "gender-integrated" than ours, despite having many single-sex spaces.
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