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Notes -
Tips (perhaps out of date) for dating leftist women while conservative and male: Treat your beliefs like a peacock's tail. Try your best to signal that you can afford to have these beliefs because of your huge evolutionary fitness advantage over other men. Don't show any embarrassment, your goal should be projecting the view that "I know you find my politics abhorrent, but I'm not going to hide my views because I'm confident that if you get to know me you will really want to date me, and if you don't, well, I have lots of options." Being a conservative white man, surprisingly, gives you a real advantage when trying to date a leftist non-white woman because these women are sick of white men trying to date them to prove their anti-racism, and won't think you guilty of this offense.
I think there’s some truth to this advice, but I also worry that some readers might implement it poorly, especially the peacocking metaphor. As a general rule, you don’t want to be the guy who talks about politics all the time or starts arguments about it, and that’s true regardless of political alignment. That’s partly because young men in general are more interested than young women in debating politics in the first place. There are also tacit norms in many situations against getting deep into politics in the first place, and people who bring it up inappropriately can code as socially awkward.
So I wouldn’t flaunt your politics, regardless of political alignment. Just don’t attempt to hide them or get defensive about them, and be ready to engage in relaxed and good-natured justification if challenged.
I also am intrigued by the notion of heterodox beliefs being a kind of peacock’s tail. I’ve thought a lot about how to maintain my integrity in an environment that is hostile to my worldview. I have a lifelong compulsion to point out the gray areas to black/white thinkers and it’s both helped and hindered me at times in my life.
Anecdote, but I live in a very prog area, I’m educated, and a bit older than my wife, who is an MD. Her circle (and thus my own) leans heavily conventional liberal to progressive.
How to be true to yourself and also be well liked? I think this applies to dating, but also just social interactions in general.
The trick is to not take the bait when one of your wife’s generically progressive friends spouts off some throwaway comment about the patriarchy (just an example). Because Dog is right - YOU may be interested in debating the point, but she’s probably not. It signals that you don’t know when to pick your battles or something.
For me, I’ve had to bite my tongue more than I’d prefer, but I’ve also showed my power level (am I using that term correctly?) on enough occasions that after a few years of familiarity, I can now roll my eyes at some of the more egregious comments that I hear and get away with it. I get to play the role of that republican guy from parks and rec (but I hope with a bit more elegance).
Of course it does not hurt that I’m not a socially awkward person. I’m confident in my beliefs and experiences, interesting, kind, reasonably attractive, successful, funny, and socially graceful in an aristocratic way. I also show up and do real-life nice things for people. So I can get away with the occasional Churchill quote and it somehow works for me.
Or put another way, in the dating scene ( which thank god I’m out of) it helps to be hot or at least socially adept.
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