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Wellness Wednesday for October 5, 2022

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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in my head i've raised the stakes, i keep telling myself i have to wife her, otherwise i might not talk/take any action at all.

This is probably the absolute worst thing you can do, short of doing nothing. You can't put such high stakes in your mind right at the outset, it's going to cloud your judgment and probably be apparent to this girl (and she will be weirded out by that).

If I were you, I'd remind myself that you've won half the battle already. The girl seems like she's into you, so just go for it and try to take her out somewhere. No "I have to wife her" stuff, just two people having a good time. Don't heap expectations on, just relax.

I also agree with @Silver that you need to just rip the band-aid off here. When I was younger I made the same mistake you are making with brooding over a girl I liked, and guess what? It just made it worse when I eventually got the courage to tell her how I felt. Getting rejected hurts and there's absolutely nothing you can do to make it not hurt, if that happens. But brooding for weeks/months will most definitely make it hurt more.