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Culture War Roundup for the week of October 10, 2022

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I quit the job I was at for 8 years this summer, but I didn't feel undervalued, alone, unfulfilled, misunderstood, or isolated. I liked the vast majority of my coworkers, people always took my ideas seriously and often turned them into our standards of practice, I got to do lots of cool problem solving, and I think I was probably paid a pretty reasonable amount (could make more in consulting, but pay probably made sense for company's internal rankings). I left over differences of policy with upper management, but there was none of the isolation stuff. I'm pretty sure my wife and most of my good friends are in the same boat.

You never once felt feelings of isolation in your entire 8 years at the job? Forget even on a macro-level, what about in specific incidents? I know every now and again there's some sort of heated argument about something, and if I'm one of the people who feels strongly about it, then I can easily feel isolated, like the other person or side doesn't really get it, and then I worry about whether I don't really get it. Same thing can happen in response to even just hanging out with coworkers and feeling like you've gone too far in a joke or something. I just feel like feelings of isolation are everywhere, because social dynamics are everywhere, and at the end of the day you just have to deal with them and talk yourself down, in order to hold down a job.

every now and again there's some sort of heated argument about something, and if I'm one of the people who feels strongly about it, then I can easily feel isolated, like the other person or side doesn't really get it, and then I worry about whether I don't really get it

I have to tell you that:

IF you work at a company that is mostly not-assholes

AND you frequently find yourself alone on one side of an argument

THEN there is a significant chance that [You] really don't get it.

I'm responding because I think most people on here are capable of some sort of self-introspection and I am, at this second, dealing with one person in my org that represents 10% of my HR bullshit every month because they are mentally incapable of understanding where they fit in the organization and hearing the truth/feedback.

I surely wouldn't go as far as to say I never once felt isolated, but if asked, "do you feel isolated here?" in any setting where I'm engaging in introspection, my answer would have been that I did not. Even during the most unpleasant conflicts I had, I always felt like there were other colleagues that had my back, or would at least listen and commiserate. I fully realize how incredibly lucky I am to have had that situation - I definitely would have said that I often felt isolated, undervalued, unfulfilled, and misunderstood during my time as a postdoc and before that as a grad student. But in the only real, adult job I had, I lucked into a place that I felt at home.