Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
A few weeks ago, there was a thread asking "what are some things you were wrong about?" or "what are some things you changed your mind on?" To keep myself honest, I want to add a belated example.
Two years ago, I posted this:
In August, I buried my grandfather who was in his nineties. While I stand by my assertion that the funerals of the very young are far more distressing than the funerals of the very old (and I speak from experience, having attended a funeral of a baby who died at a few weeks), it was wrong of me to say that the atmosphere at the funerals of very old people isn't "significantly different from a golden anniversary". All of my grandfather's children were very upset, several of his daughters outright sobbing. I was never particularly close with my grandfather, but even I was more upset than I expected to be.
This seems counterintuitive. When an 8 year old dies, the grief is extraordinarily concentrated. Nothing compares to the loss of a child, but beyond the parents, living (and cognitively sound) grandparents, and to some extent close siblings of the parents, grieving is often limited. Even child siblings of the deceased (say a 4 year old sister and 6 year old brother) often don’t grieve in the same way as adults.
When an 85 year old dies, their funeral is often, perhaps even mostly, attended by people who’ve known them their entire lives, from people they grew up with whose attention now turns to their own final years and the memories of youth to children who have known them for 50+ years. Someone who was always there is now no longer there.
A child’s funeral (excepting the close relations above) is deeply sad because of the great tragedy of a life not lived. But that’s a tragedy in a general sense. The funeral of someone old is deeply sad on a much more personal, immediate level.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link