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Help me make sense of a breakup?
Hello Mottizens, I come with a basket of questions and some baggage! As some users might be recall, finding a woman is something I used to complain about a whole lot. Well that has changed, now I complain about finding the right woman, and just some venting for those willing to lend me an ear.
Basically, I went on a few vacations and took a bunch of nice high quality pictures and dating apps started to work for me now. All the downsides applies, bad match rate, bad response rate, bad conversion to date rate, but the match volume is just enough for to me to work off of on.
I've been in cycling in and out of situationships the last 7 or so months. And god this is depressing.
The event that pushed me over the edge was my most recent bout. Matched with a girl on the apps. Immediately start talking for hours late into the night, goodmorning/goodnight texts all that. We have excellent chemistry, our dates are 7-12 hours each. Very strong mutual physical attraction (she initiated most of the "moves"). Very loveydoveysweetypookie kiss hands, forehead, etc in person and online all the time. I fell head over heels for her, and honestly the first time in my life, I unironically truly "fell in love". Didn't feel this many good brain chemicals in a loong time. This is over the span of
3 monthsAnd I thought it was mutual. Then one day, she blindsights me (and I mean SERIOUSLY blindsight, I DID NOT see this coming, I've gone as far as letting GPT and close friends read all our chats, no one sees anything). Says we should stop seeing each other because she'd be moving away for work for a few months and that it's too early to commit to an LDR (that is 2x longer than the duration we've dated). Long story short, we need to stop seeing each other. We decided to "stop" seeing each other on good terms though, to still keep in touch and what not.
Okay, I accept my losses (and the fact that maybe she found another guy and the NO LDR thing is bullshit, and I potentially just got tossed aside), delete all the pictures I took of her, and initiate the whole "breakup" recovery process, etc. 5 days after that, she comes back into my DMs. Short message about missing me, and having to let me know that. I respond a bit later anyways (knowing full well I might be strung along, but I fell head over heels, remember?, I really really really want it in my hearts of hearts to workout nevertheless!). We start talking again. Both of us are very guarded and casual, but we are talking, that's where I am right now.
And I hate being here! Odds are I'm going to be disappointed+hurt again, maybe she was just feeling lonely, missing talking to me and impulsively sent that message with no intent to reconcile. God I hate this. I want to just make her fess up, but that might ruin any chances of reconciliation (call me a bitch, a simp, a beta, idgaf, it's what I want deep down). I can't even get myself to fully committing to move on because I got drip fed some hopium and the thought of doing all of this all over again for it to end up like this is not appealing in the least. I'm also looking all over for women that are similar to her to replicate this, but I know that probably has nothing to do with what us two individuals had.
The only features that I think I need to replicate this are:
I'm so convinced of the above, I'm willing to go back to grad school because I rarely meet women in person, and the apps have just given me situationship after situationship and lame, boring women.
I saw a meme
And honestly that feels more than relateable right now. These small series of events have left me shook at a time when I need my time and energy and mental bandwidth more than ever.
Share anecdotes, advice, harsh truths, whatever. I've read reddit, I've talked to friends and GPT, but the motte delivers the most useful help.
My wife broke up with me for a few months when we were 1.5 months into our relationship. The reason for this was she though I wasn't serious about her.
I didn't realise this at all and thought I had gone to great lengths to be with her, I was just very busy, but she thought I didn't want to see her. I didn't make a big deal about the break up, continued to see her for other reasons and eventually she came back and we've been together for the past 20 years, with little to no drama.
I suppose it helped that we had some common friends helping us out but the point is that it isn't necessarily over or a sign of poor potential for the relationship that there is a "break-up" early on.
Whats signs should I look out for post "breakup" to know it's temporary vs otherwise.
I wouldn't know in your case specifically but her keeping in contact with you is obviously a good sign.
Perhaps you could set yourself a time limit after which you start dating again? Obviously you can't keep pining after this girl endlessly but is focusing on things other than dating for a few months unreasonable?
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