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Notes -
At the risk of oversharing, I lost my mother over the weekend and while I give my wife the advice that she shouldn't feel guilty for not forcing herself to be somber and mournful every single moment, I myself can't escape feeling like people would think me callous or unfeeling if my actions and demeanor didn't match their perception of what someone mourning their mother should be, so I do ultimately force myself to act differently just to not cause any unease. Am I overthinking this?
I'm sorry for your loss.
Everyone reacts differently, based on temperament, life circumstances, etc.. When my mother lost a parent suddenly, she was cheerful-ish and busy with funeral arrangements right up until she suddenly burst into tears. When my father, nearing old age himself, lost a parent after a long period of decline, his only particular wish was this people didn't push him to have strong emotional reactions to an event he'd known was coming for 20 years.
I think @FiveHourMarathon is right and that outwardly adopting a version of your set cultural expectations for mourning is probably a good thing and will allow you to mark the moment emotionally without constantly second-guessing yourself, but there's no gain from forcing yourself to feel otherwise than you do, or from over-analysing.
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