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Notes -
At the risk of oversharing, I lost my mother over the weekend and while I give my wife the advice that she shouldn't feel guilty for not forcing herself to be somber and mournful every single moment, I myself can't escape feeling like people would think me callous or unfeeling if my actions and demeanor didn't match their perception of what someone mourning their mother should be, so I do ultimately force myself to act differently just to not cause any unease. Am I overthinking this?
Sorry to hear about your mother. Make sure to be very kind to yourself and don't be surprised if emotions come out of nowhere.
Anyone with any mature experience of death understands that people process it in different ways. I've never seen anyone judged for not performing grief in the 'right way' (except for obvious rude or garish behaviour at the funeral/wake).
Consider at least trying to not be performative (which is to say; be yourself) and see how it goes. If you get several people disapprove then you can always change back to the 'right way'.
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