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Small-Scale Question Sunday for October 30, 2022

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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Do you find that many persons you're acquainted with suffer from an issue that roughly translates as follows:

A) They don't know what they REALLY want in life (in the broadest sense) and can't precisely describe it.

B) They use some other metrics or method to find what they THINK they want. This could be looking at what is popular or buying into marketing campaigns or just doing what "feels good."

C) They usually get what they THINK they want but it turns out it's not what they truly want, so it doesn't satisfice the need/desire.

D) They spend additional efforts convincing themselves and others that they DO want this thing and its actually great.

E) They careen through life being mostly unhappy and yet not sure why since on paper they have very few unfulfilled needs.

This is NOT anhedonia, it's more like either not knowing oneself well enough or lacking the language to precelisely ID or express one's 'true' preferences.


In contrast, I think I can identify things that I want, be it in music, movies, food, a romantic partner, etc. with high precision.

And I am accurate in this identification so if I acquire/find such a thing, I'm actually contented if it meets the criteria.

Thus, I am generally happier on average because I seek and find things that actually satisfice my actual desires.

The shortfall is when I identify something I want in theory and upon searching it turns out such a thing doesn't exist and will probably not exist for a while. Which is saddening.

But different from seeking things you think you want but aren't actually what you would want if you knew what you wanted.

I find a more common problem is going through steps A) to C) above, and then more like:

D) Realising that they are not happy with the thing they thought they wanted

E) Moving on to the next thing they think they want, rinsing and repeating

F) Wondering why they are tired, broke, and don't have any rewarding experiences to show for it.

Point.

Although that seems to be a strategy that at least allows someone to possibly stumble into something fulfilling, if they can avoid the dozens of possible failure modes.