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Wierd question, but how do you fully move on from a breakup ?
It's been 5 months since i broke up with my gf of 2 years and i still find myself agonizing about it every once in a while.
We broke up on good terms, it was an amazing relationship and honestly we were just not in the same place in life. (Figuratively and geographically). I want to be able to look back at that time in my life fondly, but also move onto something new without feeling much baggage. Time has healed a bit and i have generally been looking forward, but it feels all too slow.
More experienced people int he sub, how have you dealt with this before ?
I'm about 1.5 years out of a breakup and the emotional wound has scarred over, but it is still tender. And the circumstances were worse than you describe.
1st: mentally speaking this is almost exactly the same as experiencing drug addiction withdrawals. The only way out is through. Likewise, you have to cut off contact completely to allow it to happen. Can't be feeding the addiction.
2nd: There's no set timeline. The feelings tend to come in waves. Eventually you'll be able to go an hour without thinking of her. Then a day. Then you'll have a week where you feel "normal," but will still have off days. Weekends are still often hard for me. The intensity of the waves will fade if you let them.
3rd: The tactics most people recommend to move on fast don't work. Don't jump into a new relationship, or casual sex, or distract yourself with video games or TV or other frivolities. Spend time on things that are constructive and BENEFIT YOU somehow. You want to come out the other end of it better than you are now.
4th: If you find you have strong feelings of any kind remaining 6+ months on, write them into a letter. You probably shouldn't send the letter, but sometimes that helps with absolution. I sent the letter to my ex almost 1 year into the breakup to get the last vestiges of my feelings out. I can't know if she read it, but being able to let the emotions flow was in fact cathartic, and it still comforts me later.
The one thing I'm not sure about is what to do when she moves on. If you have any channels of contact with her you'll figure it out eventually, and it will likely trigger some primal feelings and set you back in healing. Maybe just start mentally absorbing the idea now, visualize her happy with someone else. And eventually, visualize yourself happy with someone else.
Longer term, maybe there's a friendship to be resurrected down the road, but you can't make that a goal now.
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