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PaperclipPerfector  2d ago (text post)   1542 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for May 18, 2025

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Several times now, I've had text conversations with women where they seem to scare themselves off.

One kept pushing me to ask her sexual compatibility questions, which I answered as delicately and dryly as I could. She'd rave excessively about how attractive I was and how she's looking forward to seeing me again (we met once, briefly, and she tracked me down on social). Since I know it's a bad idea to build up a date this much and set sexual implications, I complemented her back but kept it light and fun.

Then the day of the date, suddenly a co-worker got fired and she has to work a double. Also "You're not expecting sex for this meeting, are you?" Well no, I was not, despite everything you've said being suggestive of that, because I was going to take it slow. I reply "Light canoodling at most." There's mutual availability tuesday, and thursday, but she suggests thursday, mentioning "she'd like more planning, usually." Now I haven't heard anything from her since.

Before this, the shape of the exact same thing happened. She started talking as though she was already assuming we'd be in a relationship with her "adding spice to my life and shaking things up." This is way, WAY more than I'd typically send when I haven't even met someone in person, it assumes too much. Then suddenly she was astronomically ill from "allergies," which continued for several days, her apparently being home from work, yet replying less than when she was at work, until I stopped texting.

I want people to turn up for an in-person date. I very carefully don't say things that create too much pressure or assume things about compatibility, because it comes off as pressuring and dishonest ("OMG I'm so into you" ...we haven't actually met yet, miss, maybe save that for after the first date). But then they themselves do that exact thing, bail the day before.

Fucking everything I do is tiptoeing around not triggering anyone's anxiety so as not to be treated as a threat, then they trigger their OWN anxieties, treat me like a threat, and presumably pat themselves on the back for having spotted a manipulative predator who was Only After One Thing.

What the fuck is going on here?

When I interact with someone in real life, I get really confused and anxious whenever they start praising me. Then they get confused as to why. This is why. Because whenever someone gives me unprompted compliments or raves about me, they swiftly ditch me, which is why I don't believe what anyone says anymore.

Rule #3: before you've had sex with someone, don't use the word "canoodling" in conversation.

...does canoodling mean something other than what I think it means?

This chick is talking about sexual preferences and how handsome I am and the sorts of shit she gets up to, yet I'm scary for talking about sitting next to eachother with our heads together chatting?

talking about sitting next to eachother with our heads together chatting?

Is that what canoodling is between a grown man and woman? I imagined more contact than that, but probably less than sex. But I also can't recall anyone ever actually using that word. Maybe in a book somewhere?

I picked it up from Anansi Boys, as it happens.

The only context in which I've encountered it.

She likes the attention of a man being sexually interested in her, but not the risk of actually having sex with him.

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