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ZorbaTHut  1yr ago (text post)   44987 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of September 5, 2022

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I feel like there's some kind of revisionist history going on with this whole conservatism is actually just fine with not being prepared to have kids, you'll learn it along the way!

That was absolutely not the impression or messagw I got growing up in the '80s and '90s. It was considered quite important to be prepared to have children. You don't just pump one out and hope for the best.

First off, I agree. I used to hear conservatives say things like "she shouldn't be having four kids if she can't afford them" or "you shouldn't have children if you're not prepared to raise them." I don't hear it so much anymore. But I think that's a good thing.

What does it even mean to be "prepared" to have kids? Nobody is ever prepared. Ever. "Preparing" for kids, so-called family planning, is just some shit that popped up in WEIRD countries since the pill came along. The jury is still very much out on the entire concept. And given our demographics the verdict does not look promising, at least from a societal health angle.

Anyway, what are the criteria? How old do the parents need to be? How much money do they need to have saved? How big should their house be? How far along in their careers should the be? How emotionally mature should they be? I guess all that depends on the bare minimum "quality of life" that one (personally!) thinks the child should have. But that's just kicking the can down the road -- I can't think of anything more subjective than "quality of life" outside of outlandish situations like the Omelas kid.

So "nuts" to people who want to dictate who is and isn't prepared to have kids.

As it happened, he had just left his latest girlfriend—one week after she had given birth to their child. They weren't getting along, he said; he needed his space. Of the child, he thought not for an instant.

I asked him whether he had any other children.

"Four," he replied.

"How many mothers?"

"Three."

"Do you see any of your children?"

He shook his head. It is supposedly the duty of the doctor not to pass judgment on how his patients have elected to live, but I think I may have raised my eyebrows slightly. At any rate, the patient caught a whiff of my disapproval.

"I know," he said. "I know. Don't tell me."

Tl;dr this asshole isn't prepared to have kids. Having kids and raising them right requires maturity enough to put yourself second to them and maturity and devotion enough from mom and dad to sustain a healthy relationship through its hardest trial. Its not about money. Aside from the potential loss of Mom's income, kids are basically free and the state's various benefits nearly offset their costs.

We have another thread about extremely extended adolescence. 17-year-olds used to be mature enough by necessity to raise a family, go to war, sit on a factory job for 8 hours, work a field for 14 hours.

Overall it is probably good that our 17-year-olds do not need to do that any more. But they can still crank out babies like 17-year-olds did 300 years ago.

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