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Notes -
Happened to me.
After ten pretty happy years of marriage, my first wife found tumblr and flipped hard left circa 2015. Delivered our baby, abandoned our family for another state (I have total custody), cut most of her hair off, dyed the rest blue, now works a dead end job with not enough hours. A while later, I realized that I still had access to her private twitter (which I don't really use at all), checked in, and she's posting about how many days she can't even get out of bed due to depression. Did gain weight, but that's from slender to, by American standards, moderately chubby. Based on what I've seen, her life revolves entirely around various fandoms.
Doesn't seem to have money for anything but ugly tattoos.
Latest news via the grapevine is she's marrying a woman who lives as a man.
I've stopped trying to make sense of it. God has been good and now I'm with the woman of my dreams and a lot more children. Deleted my old twitter account so I don't have to worry about the temptation to voyeurism anymore. Sincerely wish her all the best. Far away from my kids.
Do your kids (hers especially) ever see her? Very sad.
Every now and then. A lot of people have urged me to cut off all contact due to the sheer potential radiative damage of her influence but I'm of the mind that on balance it's better for them to know their mom. I'm also making a scary, hopefully-not-prideful bet that they'll be able to look at how her life is going and compare it to our healthy family life and learn the right lesson there.
Don't mind admitting this is one of the most stressful needles I've ever had to thread. The stakes are enormous and there's no clear right answer.
ETA: Since you seem sincerely concerned, I'll note that she never, ever calls to talk to them except sometimes on birthdays. And even after everything that surprises me.
That is sad, I think it’s a great tragedy for a child to grow up without their biological mother but I’m sure your current wife is able to help as best she can. I do think it’s best for the children to know, the alternative is that they seek her out, meet her as impressionable teenagers and young adults and then are possibly ideologically indoctrinated; if they think she’s a loser from the beginning that is much less likely, and any lies she might tell about you are less likely to be believed. All the best.
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What is your new wifes opinion on her? Any female understanding/repudiation?
They've met twice and don't have a relationship.
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