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PaperclipPerfector  6mo ago (text post)   35941 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of June 9, 2025

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I honestly have to doubt at least one of the anecdotes in that first linked article, because c'mon: she's a professional escort and she doesn't recognise what is going on?

Guy sharing a ride with her back from a party. "Oh he's interested in me". Yep, that tracks. "He doesn't want to get to know me deeply? I can't see myself dating him!" No duh. He wasn't looking for the possibility of a relationship, he just wanted to find out "can we bang?"

The next guy wasn’t a date, he ended up in a uber in hour-long SF traffic with me ride sharing back from a party. I suspect he might be interested in me, because of the way he moves his hands and eyes and the quickness of his laughter. So I Investigate.

...There is no locus of hot itching curiosity shining from behind his eyes, or at least not one that I can find here in this uber. I realize he’s not deeply trying to understand me. He's unattuned. I find my body does not trust him. I think I want a relationship where we can sink in together, touch souls or something. I imagine if I tried to date him, it'd be a lot of work to get him to understand me, like I'd have to force feed him myself. I'd rather have someone who's hungry.

Girl. You met at a party and are just sharing a ride home. He's interested in "have I a chance to score with this chick?" for a one night stand, not "perchance could this fair damsel be The One who will be my blushing bride and mother to fair children?" If I can figure this out, a professional $4k/hour escort should be able to, as well!

(I have the feeling that yes, they did hook up for a casual night of sex, but she's leaving that part of the story out).

As for "why am I in my early thirties and not married yet?" well the clues are there, which maybe she's wilfully ignoring them or honestly can't see them:

I live in SF and in the cultures willing to invite me to their parties, it’s normal to casually overhear someone referring to their boyfriend and their husband in the same sentence. Every other person I meet is poly, and I know many decades-long married-with-kids poly relationships. When someone asks me “what do you do” and I say “sex work”, they say “cool my girlfriend’s a sex worker, you two should talk.” In my world, this is normal.

Yeah. But what she's not noticing is that the husband comes first, then the boyfriend when they open things up. Or the sex worker is the girlfriend, not the wife or primary partner. She will always be the bridesmaid, never the bride, when it comes to the "married with kids poly relationships" where someone will be happy to have her as a girlfriend or partner but not as "hey everyone we're getting married in the morning!"

And then maybe once in a while, I find someone who does seem whole, mostly, who has all their nerve endings pointed in my direction. But usually then they're already married with kids, or they're monogamous, or they're very sexually submissive, or they're poor in a way I’m not financially prepared to support in a world where I want children.

Again, note: already married with kids, or monogamous. Those kinds of guys are not looking for her kind of girl.

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