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If you've been on twitter in or around the tpot space the last few days, you may have seen Aella blowing up and deciding to go private. I won't recount the whole story, but it is in screenshots in the link earlier.
Suffice to say, apparently she searched her name and saw a ton of vitriolic attacks and discussions around her online presence. She claims that the worst part is the "overwhelming hate with nobody defending me. People are ashamed publicly to support me, they don't want to be called a simp or cringe."
Long story short she basically said that she is heartbroken, is "so sad the world is shaped this way," and decided to quit twitter and go locked for the foreseeable future.
For some quick background, aella is a prostitute. She is extremely successful, and has built up a huge presence on twitter as well as a cult following in rational spheres. She does data science work as well, and claims to be autistic. She is polyamorous and openly promotes and campaigns for that lifestyle, as well as doing drugs. Some of her stunts include things like tattooing her name on the body of men who have sex with her, having orgies while sharing details of who got to get in, etc.
A few darker claims are that she pushed her two younger sisters into sex work (one of them, by her own admission on twitter, was doing camgirl jobs before she turned 18.) She has also said some... problematic things that are edging around support for pedophilia, although she's canny enough not to come right out and say it.
Now as I'm sure many people here agree with, I don't exactly agree with aella's views or lifestyle. That being said I am still torn, the world is a cruel place. At the same time, aella has probably caused harm to a lot of others with her lifestyle and especially her approach to promoting it online.
This equivocation points to an actual underlying tension/confusion I have around liberal expression. On the one hang I think polyamory, sex work, and some of the.... encouragement aella has around minors watching point &c is quite bad, and should not be allowed to happen in the public square. I think a certain amount of shaming is absolutely good and necessary.
However, perhaps I'm frail hearted or something because it does hurt to see so many attack her so viciously, when they clearly have so much hate in their hearts. Perhaps it's Pollyannaish but I wish that we could do our shaming in a more dignified, and less clearly antagonistic way. It seems that most of the people shaming her, from my read at least, clearly enjoy looking down and judging someone harshly, seeing themselves as better than her. From my perspective, that's not just as bad as what she's doing, but still bad.
I'm wondering, I suppose, whether there's a way we can employ shame in a truly good way as a society? Can we somehow shame people without turning into monsters ourselves, in order to protect our children and especially young girls from (imo) degenerate and overall unhealthy lifestyles?
She's like transgender people. If you embrace her because she pisses off the pro-lifers and tradLARPers, you should ask yourself "would I want my daughter emulating her?" And even if you don't have any "moral" objections, know that she's not getting what she wants out of romantic life. People see her as sexually high-status because they're projecting male standards of sexual success.(having a bunch of opposite-sex groupies) But she's written a post about being 33-years-old and struggling to find a husband:
https://aella.substack.com/p/the-difficulty-in-dating-good-men
I found it funny how, despite her very unusual views and history, she wound up in the same place as many normie high-earning careergals, struggling to find a man who earns at least as much as she does:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GpLudIca4AEQP_0?format=png&name=900x900
This isn't to say she's a bad person or should be mocked or bullied, just that you should take her opinions on sex and romance with a grain of salt.
Aesthetically, I can't summon much disgust for her. "Women are being seduced into prostitution by a female rationalist self-identified nerd and sex researcher" is not going to be a major social problem anytime soon. The "trad" stuff, that's the disease of the heart.
I honestly have to doubt at least one of the anecdotes in that first linked article, because c'mon: she's a professional escort and she doesn't recognise what is going on?
Guy sharing a ride with her back from a party. "Oh he's interested in me". Yep, that tracks. "He doesn't want to get to know me deeply? I can't see myself dating him!" No duh. He wasn't looking for the possibility of a relationship, he just wanted to find out "can we bang?"
Girl. You met at a party and are just sharing a ride home. He's interested in "have I a chance to score with this chick?" for a one night stand, not "perchance could this fair damsel be The One who will be my blushing bride and mother to fair children?" If I can figure this out, a professional $4k/hour escort should be able to, as well!
(I have the feeling that yes, they did hook up for a casual night of sex, but she's leaving that part of the story out).
As for "why am I in my early thirties and not married yet?" well the clues are there, which maybe she's wilfully ignoring them or honestly can't see them:
Yeah. But what she's not noticing is that the husband comes first, then the boyfriend when they open things up. Or the sex worker is the girlfriend, not the wife or primary partner. She will always be the bridesmaid, never the bride, when it comes to the "married with kids poly relationships" where someone will be happy to have her as a girlfriend or partner but not as "hey everyone we're getting married in the morning!"
Again, note: already married with kids, or monogamous. Those kinds of guys are not looking for her kind of girl.
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