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Very relatable. Especially the romance stuff. Despite what a lot of the retvrn posters on this forum would have us believe, it's pretty grim out there for average looking guys, even if we are religious (I've attending catholic mass for ~4 years now, with a recent lapse, and have been active in the young adult community, and absolutely no second dates!). And it's not like I'm some basement dweller either! I'm out of the house most weeknights, don't game (except for twice a month with my college friends and we play terraforming mars of all things), I'm really fit, and I think my social skills are at least average. Sure I could probably lock down some tik-tok obsessed land whale, but what exactly is the point of that? I'd rather eat at a restaurant by myself and jerk off after.
In terms of my career, sometimes I really enjoy my PhD and the process of science in general, but the way I see academia going fills me with dread for PI-ship. It's all status jockeying, like you observe, and a lot of the science produced isn't even real! I like my hobbies too (running, fermenting, and language learning), but the internet and hyper-competitiveness of everything puts so much pressure on me to "improve" or "monetize" these that I don't think they would be very much fun anymore if they were all I had.
Luckily I believe that some sort of collapse is coming in the next 20-50 years, so we won't be in this state for much longer. Just sucks that it has to occur during the part of my life where I'm supposed to form a family.
What's wrong with that? Finding your spouse is a numbers game. Get to the 'not the one' quickly to move on to the next. You just haven't found her yet.
I agree with the rest of your post, but this I disagree with:
It indicates something is wrong here. It'd be one thing to not make it past a few dates ever, but to never get a second date means that after the first time someone actually met you at all, they didn't want to see you again. It suggests needing to aim lower when selecting first dates and/or figure out what you're doing wrong on the date.
The bar for wanting a second date for most people, myself included, seems to not be that high. The bar for wanting a third or fourth - much higher. One data point is not that much, so a first date's not necessarily sufficient to know what you think. And, first dates, especially from apps, are often coffee/etc to minimize the awkwardness if it's no good (which is often the case, and that's fine). So, if there's any promise whatsoever, I think people often give it a second chance.
If you're not even getting that second chance, something's wrong. This is in many ways good news: figure out what it is, and fix it. Throw a spreadsheet at the problem, get a trainer, or a shrink, or a stitchfix subscription. Yes, modernity is a shitshow, but the answer isn't giving up.
This I agree with.
I have had second dates, but not with Catholic women. I think the issue is my heterodoxy.
Sounds right to me. Either don't bring it up until date two/three, or pick different women (, or find Jesus).
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