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Lost and overwhelmed.
My wife (20 years) and and have been having marital difficulties, I believe she's depressed and has become involved in some online extremist communities. Her online 'persona' had been bleeding through in real life more and more.
Yesterday being the netadmin for my own network I undertook a block of many of the apps and sites.
Today while she was collecting our 4 children from vacation bible school, I saw she had left her laptop open. She'd been very secretive with it recently. I snooped.
She's been sending bitcoin to someone in control of an @aol.com address apparently believing she's arranging an in person meeting with Elon Musk, who she says in her email she has been in contact with for a while. They're expecting 10k for a meeting with Elon.
She's refusing to see a therapist alone or with me, she's refused to see a psychiatrist.
Anyone encountered anything like this?
Any suggestions?
I'm sorry this is happening for a start. I'm sure this must be very stressful for you. I suppose the main question is whether if you explain it to her does she recognize she is being scammed? Or is this a delusion and she really believes that she is talking to Elon even when you point out it is a scam?
If she's depressed then she might fall for a scam easier, but it's still different than if it is a full blown delusion. Is there perhaps a trusted pastor or faith leader (as you mention bible school) that you might be able to call upon? If she doesn't want to engage with conventional medical/therapy perhaps that is an alternative? Either through faith-based marriage counselling or even just them coming round for a cup of tea for a chat in a more informal way?
I'll know in a bit. She's out at the moment.
She's been very resistant to any sort of help. She's refused to speak to our pastor either alone or with me and has refused all suggestions of counseling, therapy or psychiatry. I've been speaking with our pastor regularly in person in addition to frequent texts and emails.
Speaking to her nurse practitioner today, the NP recommended taking her to the walk in psychiatric service at our hospital. I anticipate she'll refuse.
If she persists in the delusion that she's been speaking to Elon Musk after being advised of the scam, I thought I'd see if our local PD would assist in having her sectioned. I've already left a message with the detective regarding the scam.
Ok, are you in the UK or the US? If the UK, you might be able to enlist the help of the local adult social care department as a halfway house between psychiatric treatment and therapy. We used to offer just chat sessions to people suffering stress et al. But disconnecting even from a trusted pastor sounds worrying, so social services may not be an option either as that will need voluntary engagement.
Is there a trusted family member of hers who might be able to get through to her? If it were my wife, I'd be going to her brother and her cousin she is very close with for example. Not quite an intervention perhaps, but a display that multiple people she trusts are worried.
Having said that, you know the situation better than me, but I have seen spouses sectioning their sick wives/husbands result in the end of the marriage multiple times, so just make sure to think through your options. This is a legitimately tough thing to go through so make sure you are also looking after your own health. If you're engaged with your pastor at least you have some kind of outlet.
Good luck seems inadequate, but I will wish it anyway.
US.
After confronting her with the email and the screenshots of the transactions she agreed to go to a crisis counseling walk in service. They saw us right away, she was much more amenable to seeing a therapist / psychiatrist after talking through things with the crisis counselor. She goes back tomorrow.
I'd reached out to her brother several weeks ago. Unfortunately they were estranged when we ment and married. Didn't really reconcile until ~14 years ago, and we've only seen him in person once in the last 12 years.
I was really very surprised how supportive and engaged the local police department was when I reached out about options, thankfully I did not need to go down that path. Small town life.
She now says she knew it was a scam and sent the money anyway because they were nice to her and it was part fantasy. Though the money and bitcoin was very real and not fantasy.
I've a friend who's a psychiatrist in the UK. He and my wife did A&E rotations together in Ireland. He and I are talking tomorrow.
I really appreciate your advice, thank you.
Well being willing to get help is at least a positive sign. And knowing it was a scam but treating it as a kind of escapist fantasy a la a new sports car seems maybe better than being delusional, hopefully. Still not great financially though of course.
I'll hope the help she is able to get is effective and this is a short term issue fueled by depression and the like. I don't think I have anything more from a technical side so just hope and good wishes.
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