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Mottemen... and women (if there are any???) I need your advice.
This is pretty serious, so I'd appreciate serious advice. No jokes or one-liners please.
Recently I made a trip to the Philippines. Amazing country. Amazing yet terrible. Terribly third world, but amazing people. It's like a crazy mirror-universe version of the US/Hawaii.
Met a girl there. As you do... meaning, I went to a strip club and she went home with me. She was hot, she told me she was taking birth control, and I was drunk and stupid, so we didn't use protection.
Over the next two weeks, she spent quite a bit of time with me. She introduced me to her (huge) family, and her two children (who she had as a teenager). This is the Philippines so that kind of thing is not uncommon. She never directly asked me for money, but always guilt-tripped me into it after spending time with me. To be fair, it was a trivial amount for me but a huge amount for her.
Towards the end, she was becoming extremely clingy. Crying, saying she loved me. Maybe she meant it. I really don't know. I do know that she was messaging other guys, but that's kind of her job. I was pretty honest the whole time that I could only stay a short time and wasn't looking for a long-term relationship. She seemed to accept it but she seemed genuinely sad.
After I left, I got a message from her. Saying she's pregnant. Uh oh... I mean, yeah I've taken sex ed I know these things happen... but I didn't think it would happen to me. She said she was taking precautions, and I believed her because she's experienced. I have no idea if (a) that's true and we just got unlucky (b) she's an idiot or (c) this was a deliberate trap. For what it's worth, she's catholic, but in that super-flexible 3rd world way where you just cross yourself and burn a candle to be forgiven all sins.
Anyway she wants money, naturally. She says it's for abortion pills. She's not asking for much, but I'm worried it will only increase from here if I pay it. I'm also worried that she might be telling the truth and actually have the child. This is a very impulsive, unstable woman. I can afford to give her a little money but don't want to get blackmailed forever. But I also don't want to be a scumbag and leave an unplanned child in a third world country.
...help?
(edit... should I just move to the Philippines and raise a family there? the living there is really cheap so i could afford it. But there's really not much to do there except drink, fuck, and pray)
Southeast Asian here. I very much doubt she is pregnant. Seriously, as someone who has had a family member be falsely accused by a Filipina for money, she was trying to trap you the entire time. This chick took one look at you and probably (correctly) sussed out you were an easy target.
Lots of stories like these. Watch this video, containing an anecdote where a Filipina tried to convince a guy that she was pregnant by using a friend's urine. The ability to produce a positive pregnancy test is not evidence of her pregnancy.
Also, I wouldn't say this but it seems you need it:
These are regular "white people in Southeast Asia" precautions. You are going to attract a lot of attention, most of it unwanted; do not put yourself in compromising situations.
So you think it's literally impossible that a Filipina could get pregnant from unprotected sex with me? I know there are many scams... but there's also real biology.
Also yeah shut up whatever. (I know you're right but...)
Anyway thanks for your insider advice.
Of course it's not literally impossible, but every part of this reads like a textbook scam and I would place the probability of this being the case at somewhere upwards of 90%. She is a stripper and probably has experience with hooking up with clients, what is the likelihood that she suddenly had a lapse of judgement or her birth control failed in this specific instance? It's far more likely that this is a scam, either the baby was entirely planned, she was already pregnant or there is no baby. (The first possibility strikes me as the most unlikely of the three.)
If you really need certainty there's @sun_the_second's suggestion that you should probably send just enough for the abortion then never speak to her again. I would not necessarily recommend that course of action though, even if it would ensure your peace of mind. The only thing worse than becoming a target is falling for the scheme. Just because she looks innocent and sounds truthful doesn't mean she is.
If there's no baby, great. no problem. I send her enough for the abortion (which is a very cheap there). Maybe she scammed me out of the equivalent of like $20. you can make fun of me for being an idiot.
If it's planned as a a more elaborate scam to get pregnant... you see my problem? or whatever maybe you don't you just want to seem smart and not like those suckers who get conned by a woman into helping her with her kids.
Sorry, I get that this is stressful and maybe I sound judgemental (you do, in fact, have my sympathies). If she's not asking for much then not really a problem then, I suppose. The issue is if the requests for payment continue.
But your other concern isn't actionable. If she really babytrapped you, there's not really anything you can do short of engaging in criminal activity to stop that from happening. You can only control what you can, and either choose to get involved or not (I don't blame you at all if you choose the latter, the baby was primarily her responsibility and not yours).
I mean, if she's actually pregnant and it's actually mine... what would you do...? I feel kinda guilty just running away.
If this is baby trapping and she lied about being on birth control, I would reiterate my assertion in my prior comment: This is something she's committed against you and as such you're not obliged to participate. But it ultimately depends on what you feel you can live with.
Right, you're firmly committed to your prior that she's lying about everything and I'm a naive idiot. So in that case the correct choice of course is to give her nothing and walk away.
But since I'm actually in this situation, I have to think about other possibilities so...
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