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PaperclipPerfector  4mo ago (text post)   1771 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for August 27, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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No groveling apology will be forthcoming. Allow me a therapeutic hypothetical rant.

I. Liked. You. Emphasis on the past tense, but I genuinely liked you and thought you might like me. Then again, I'm bad at reading social cues, what with being a sperg and all. You did put that together, right? I had you pinged immediately, didn't need you to announce your label. I thought you might understand me, but I guess I'm just a straight male to you. Speaking of, if you don't want straight guys chasing after you, don't fucking call them pretty while they're gazing at you like a concussed puppy. We've both had to put effort into learning the social shit that comes naturally to everyone else, don't tell me you haven't figured out by now that when you pay too much attention to dudes, they get silly ideas. You might be able to live in a leftist queer neurodivergent hugbox, but some of us have to make our way in normieland. So much for 'all us freaks have is each other.'

I wasn't molesting you while you were blackout drunk. We were having a lucid discussion about Tieflings in various editions of D&D, Fullmetal Alchemist deep lore, your siblings, your involvement with Occupy Wall Street, and cheesy noir tropes. I don't know of any rule that you're not allowed to make out with people on their birthday, you don't get to make up imaginary rules when we both barely have a handle on the real ones.

You're not okay with me? I'm not okay with you. I've had "pretty people don't light their own cigarettes" echoing around in my head ever since. That night was the closest I've felt to anyone in five fucking years. I ruined your birthday? You stepped on my heart and scolded me for getting your shoes dirty. And now you're throwing around scary phrases like sexual assault? And pretending I haven't already apologized? Check your text message history, it's right there, I have receipts.

You want an in-person apology? Here it is: I'm sorry I spoke to you in the first place. I'm sorry I turned up to the birthday outing you publicly advertised. I'm sorry I gave you an effortful, thoughtful gift to try to get your attention. I'm sorry I kissed you, I'm sorry I kissed you again. I'm sorry I offered you a ride home, I'm sorry we held hands while walking down the street, I'm sorry I touched your hair in the car, I'm sorry I kissed you after dropping you off safely at home and saying goodbye. And I'm sorry I tried to politely wish you well in passing a year later after I thought we'd already settled the matter.

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A motte is a stone keep on a raised earthwork common in early medieval fortifications. More pertinently, it's an element in a rhetorical move called a "Motte-and-Bailey", originally identified by philosopher Nicholas Shackel. It describes the tendency in discourse for people to move from a controversial but high value claim to a defensible but less exciting one upon any resistance to the former. He likens this to the medieval fortification, where a desirable land (the bailey) is abandoned when in danger for the more easily defended motte. In Shackel's words, "The Motte represents the defensible but undesired propositions to which one retreats when hard pressed."

On The Motte, always attempt to remain inside your defensible territory, even if you are not being pressed.


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